Raped at 6, emotionally neglected forever.

M.L. Quevedo Condorchua
Posted January 11, 2019

When I was 6, a neighbor (17, 18 years old) called me to his house and told me we would play a game. He then blindfolded me and made me kneel, proceeded to take out his penis and made me suck it. The blindfold wasn't placed properly, so I saw it.  After I told my grandmother, who told my parents, they decided that I looked fine, that I didn't seem traumatized after the event (how could I? I only thought it was a terrible game and that I wasn't going to listen to him when he said tell no one, because that seemed suspicious), so they decided to "sweep it under the rug".

I cannot explain in one small story how much self-loathing and unaccomplished goals have followed my life ever since. I've done therapy, spiritual healing in the Amazon -I'm Peruvian-, and I have read Psychology books about the aftermath of child sexual abuse. These things have all helped, but what I find most disturbing of all is...the lack of support I endured within my family and overall environment. And how alone victims can feel, even as children.

With effort, insight, and education, I've learned so much about myself and my family. My mother has Asperger syndrome, so it is incredibly difficult for her to imagine/fulfill the emotional needs of others. My father's brother is a pedophile, and in his misguided attempt to "save" this neighbor, he became his godfather in Confirmation (a Catholic ritual)! Suffice it to say, he was extremely selfish and misguided in his efforts, and the spiritual wellbeing a teenager neighbor who reminded him of his brother was more important to him than my physical and emotional health. A very, very toxic narcissist.

Having spent most of my time during childhood and teenage years with my maternal grandparents, I learned -and suffered- next to them, my (actual) family. So yes, I had a tragic life as a kid, even though I never experienced hunger or homelessness, and both of my parents were professionals. Life can be hell even when it doesn't seem to be from the outside. Emotional, mental health is so extremely important, and few people seem to remember that. And yes, children can be so resilient, but only if after the traumatic events, they find solace and respite in their loved ones. In absence of that, the suffering can only continue.

Understanding more of my past helps me tremendously, but I never forget that my health, and those with whom I choose to surround myself, are ongoing, permanent tasks. If you shower and brush your teeth frequently, you must also check on your and your loved ones' mental wellbeing. Awareness in the self and others is so key.

Let us not kid ourselves, in the poorest and richest environments, there is suffering. But, also everywhere, is the opportunity to heal and grow.

Much love,

Micaela.

This post was submitted in response to Share Your Story On Any Topic.

Comments 10

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jlanghus
Jan 12
Jan 12

Hi Micaela,

Welcome to World Pulse:-) Thanks for sharing your vulnerable and traumatic story with us. I can totally relate as I come from a similar upbringing and I definitely hear what you're saying. It does and can affect you in so many ways; in ways we don't even realize that other people can't relate to that haven't been through similar experiences. I'm glad to hear, though, that you are very aware and realized at some point that taking care of and healing yourself were essential to your well being and happiness. Feel free to private message me, if you would like some suggestions on what I've used so far to heal myself. I wish you lots of continued healing, so you may be at peace...

You may want to consider submitting this story for the current story awards, "A World Free of Violence," or submitting another story for it. If so, this is the link: https://www.worldpulse.com/en/voices-rising/story-awards/89332

I'm looking forward to seeing more posts from you.

Hope you have a good day!

Beltivate
Jan 13
Jan 13

It takes courage to talk on this on this platform of many.thanks and lots of love my dear

Mauwa Brigitte
Jan 15
Jan 15

Hi!
Your message is touching, deign to forgive this gentleman who was animated by a satanic spirit. Have you ever heard UN Security Council Resolutions 1325 and 1820? Where we talk about sexual violence.
Did you denounce the author?
Have you exposed this case to a man of God for deliverance, when you grew up?

blanch1981
Jan 15
Jan 15

Sending you much love Micaela. I hear you loud enough it reverberates my own experience. I am an incest survivor, too. As far as my memory could tell me, I was yet 4 years old when it first happened. Complete healing is a journey. And while we are still breathing, there is no guarantee that we become totally free of that memory in the past. But whatever we went through and will be dealing later in our life, it is important we find refuge in expressing our fears and joys and hope that one day, no experience will bring us the pain of the past. You are blessed and loved though!

Urmila Chanam
Jan 18
Jan 18

Dear Micaela,

You are so right in saying that even in financial prosperity, there may be internal suffering and poverty alone is not the biggest social evil. I am happy you have found peace with what happened to you, most of all your courage to talk about it now to create better awareness of harms of sexual abuse to children. I send you my love and prayers for the future.

Love
Urmila Chanam
India
urmila.chanam@gmail.com

Juliet Acom
Jan 21
Jan 21

Hi Micaela,
It is sad what happened to you as a child - I can only imagine the pain and hurt.
For you to come open and share your story takes an inner strength that many people do not have.
Thank you for sharing with us for i believe this is a greater part in the healing process and a call for us to be mindful of children all around us at all times.
God bless you.

Jane Frances Mufua
Jan 30
Jan 30

Thanks for sharing. Courage. Keep the past behind and move on. Make it a point to love yourself better than anyone else

Dorothy Nabakooza
Mar 09
Mar 09

Dear sweetheart, thank you for sharing your deepest darkest moments, I feel humbled to have such a platform where we can share and encourage each other. Kindly look out for Jill, she's been so helpful in my life.
Love Dorothy

Bettina Amendi
Mar 18
Mar 18

Am very sory Micaela,i am here for you.Drop me a line.

Hello, Micaela,

I hear you. There are battles we face that are invisible to society. Much of the fight happened in the mind where the trauma of the past takes time to heal. And you know what, it is ok.

What you’ve gone through is not your fault. I’m sorry you had to suffer silently because of it. Thank you for being brave to speak out your experience. I find healing in sharing my story. I hope it has the same effect on you, too.

Thanks for the inspiring words. Welcome to World Pulse!