Men should take responsibility for their actions

Monicah Nzule
Posted September 18, 2009 from Kenya

I feel very sad once I see a girl is heart broken when they are left to take care of babies that came out of unprotected sex. Sex takes two people but women and girls suffer simply because they carry the reproductive system. I feel bad when I see men walk free after abandoning the girls to take care of the kids alone which should have been their responsibility. I think how laws should be changed to accommodate these hooligans and make them be responsible of their acts. The fact that women are the ones who get pregnant should not be taken advantage of. The girl’s parents also suffer because of this for they are left to take care of the kids since the girls don’t have the means to support the kids. When it comes to family planning women usually play a very active role since they bear the brunt for any unwanted pregnancy. It’s amazing how many girls are dropping out of school due to unwanted pregnancies, I do not know if the parents do not teach them about sex education or they are arrogant not to head to the advice given. Girls drop out of school as young as 10 can you imagine, in one case a 10 year old girl didn’t know what was going on with her body until she developed some complications related to pregnancy, the mother could not believe that she was pregnant till she was tested. Can you believe what these young girls go through at such an early age. They become mothers drop out of school and all of a sudden their dreams are shuttered. Some are even raped by their siblings or people they know and trust. Women are getting worried and a friend of mine even confessed to me that she could not trust her husband to leave him with their 3 year old daughter, imagine that? I agree with her and I understand her fears but what can be done to eradicate this? It s a question I have asked myself so many times without getting an answer to it. Many men of today are not responsible, once they sleep with a woman to them the job is finished they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. They let the women bring up the kids alone and the worse bit is that some of them come to claim their kids once they are old enough and successful that’s when you hear them ‘saying this is my son’ shame on them to me a father is the one who takes care of the kid who knows what they eat, clothes they wear, how they go to school and so on. It’s very annoying and disgusting to see them the ‘irresponsible fathers’ hanging in court corridals seeking justice for their kids when at one time they did not want to hear anything about them.

This was one story in our local dailies:

Lone Girl In Class After 24 Pregnant Students Drop Out Date: Thu 03rd September 2009 Mediahouse: East African Standard Page: Web Edition

The high rate of girls dropping out of a school in Kericho due to unwanted pregnancies has baffled education officials and stakeholders. The revelation at Marinyn Secondary School in James Finlay Tea estates emerged yesterday during a District Education Board (DEB) meeting chaired by Kericho DC Samuel Njora. Mr Njora said out of the 25 girls who joined Form One this year, 24 left the school after getting pregnant.

The administrator observed the girls were forced to walk for long distances to and from school through tea plantations and bushes, which exposed them to sexual relationships. "It is shocking. The current population of girls at the school stands at 20. Most of the top girls have dropped out after their colleagues and tea workers impregnated them," he said.

Energy Assistant Minister Charles Keter, Ainamoi MP Benjamin Langat and local District Education Officer Francis Munyeke among others, attended the meeting, which was held at Kericho DC's boardroom. "A representative from James Finlays, who attended the meeting, confirmed there was a problem at the school and that the organisation was doing something to correct the situation," the DC told The Standard. Njora said the school should provide transport for the girls from their homes to the learning institution.

He said girls were exposed to dangerous conditions as they enter into relationships with boys and tea workers on their way to school. Mr Keter in whose constituency the school is situated, said the institution had been neglected, adding that it lacked proper sanitary facilities and classrooms were dilapidated. Urgent action

"We are working out modalities with DEB and other stakeholders to convert the institution to a public school so that we can pump in funds from the Constituency Development Fund to improve its state," he said.

Speaking after the meeting, the MP said he was organising a major fundraiser to be attended by all MPs from Rift Valley Province to raise funds for new classrooms and toilets for the girls. Keter noted the school has four old and dilapidated classrooms and a few toilets constructed with iron sheets. He observed that the learning environment was not conducive for the girls.

Girl child education remains an elusive dream in the country. Many girls are lured by men to irresponsible sexual relationships that lead to unwanted pregnancies. The girls in turn drop out to begin a life of motherhood. Others face cultural setbacks like the consequences of female circumcision, childhood marriage engagements, domestic labour, disease and poverty. There has been debate on whether sex education should be introduced in schools to curb unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Comments 4

Log in or register to post comments
Jacqueline Patiño
Sep 22, 2009
Sep 22, 2009

Hi Monimambo,

Girl education is not a one way route. The truth is that patriarchality makes us act like it was. We need to teach our brothers, sons, even our fathers and grandfathers that we, the women, are not going to take their tantrums and suffer about them, but instead we will hold them responsible for their actions and MAKE THEM fulfill their responsibility as young fathers. But for this to work, we need to educate COMPLETE FAMILIES into doing this. So, the education begins at our homes, and continues in public media, with this discourse: Young men are future fathers, they should be taught by you, mother, and you, father, that they need to become aware that they need to become strong working men who are ABLE TO SUPPORT their families.

This discourse must be transmitted by all. The change from just talking about how bad the situation is, to holding families accountable for the way father and mother act (or how they educate their boys), After the discourse changes, the law change must follow. For this we need to take political action and force parties to make FAMILIES accountable for their boy's actions. But this will never happen if the public discourse doesn't change first.

I am glad you presented this topic to this community. It is very important to raise awareness and change our way of speaking about this.



Sep 22, 2009
Sep 22, 2009

Wow, your comment is very true. Men are raised in a world where they are not punished severely enough for their neglectfulness. The world is going to have better leaders sometime... And better and harsher laws. Thanks for posting, when people mention these crimes that means it won't be ignored any more. May the world get better through examples... Bye.

Monicah Nzule
Sep 22, 2009
Sep 22, 2009

Men never think straight when aroused or are driven by the lust of the flesh, they think afterwards, a friend of mine was telling me that he was not going to marry his girlfriend after impregnating her simply because he is not ready to settle with her. I was asking myself why didnt he think about it before the act and take precaution, these are the things that are happening many a times because of selfishness and ladies need to take control of the situation since they are the ones in trouble hear.

Nusrat Ara
Sep 23, 2009
Sep 23, 2009

It is really a sad state of affairs and needs to be changed at earliest. It is going to take a lot of time but we have to start NOW.