Domestic Violence Distroys Many Women's Lives, it almost burried some women alive

I recall one beautiful woman whom I used to see at church when I was serving in the youth choir. Wudie was a beautiful lady, who has long soft hair, very light skinned Ethiopian who was married by a very rich man. Her husband has a big company close to the church. I remember few church members were hired at that firm. Every Sunday Wudie and her husband came to church driving a big car with their beautiful children. I envied them, because I went to church paying 15 cents for a bus, and walk the remaining distance in a dusty and bumpy road. I’d to cross a huge dusty field. Many of the days, the boys who played football in that field snatched my cents. I’d to worry or ask from a friend for bus fare. Wudie’s children came with their parents, wearing comfortable shoes, beautiful clothes, but I didn’t have anything like them. After few years, I stopped seeing them at church. My friend’s mother told me she saw them in America when she went to attend one of her daughter’s wedding. Another friend’s mother was abused by her husband, and she asked me to take her to a woman lawyer. I brought her to the lawyer’s office. This was the advice of the woman’s lawyer to my friend’s mother who’s abused by her husband for 40 years in her marriage. “I know, you were making a lot of money. You sent your children to school, now they are all working. You’ve a beautiful house, and you retired with…money. Leave your husband the way he lives. Just to keep yourself busy, open a mini market or a small internet café, to dress up and sit and talk to people. Don’t sit at home, that will destroy you. If you try to ask him to show you how much money you’ve in the bank, or go sue him and try to divide your wealth, he’ll send you empty hand and you’ll be disappointed.” The lady who wanted a lawyer worked in very famous companies and NGOs in Ethiopia. She said she supported her children alone, she built their house alone and the husband was employed by government office with little salary. After he retired, she organized for him to start a business with his friend. I was there to witness that. The business flourished, the husband became very rich. As he became a member of board director, he earns a very handsome salary. He started mistreating her and insulting her in a very bad way. She knew he cheated on her; she accepted that and lived with it. The insult and beating was not bearable. And the lawyer was advising her to live the man the way he was. I was so hopeless. I even thought marriage was a way to create the best enemy for yourself in your own home. According to my friend’s mother, that was the result. The lawyer and the lady who was abused were from same church. The lawyer started preaching instead of mentioning some article from a law book. I was pissed off. The bible says, “If he commits adultery, she can divorce him.” The advice was out of the Bible and far from the marriage law. The lawyer continued to tell her stories from other women’s marriage experiences. “Do you know Mrs Dinnah? She was the wife of Mr Gebeyhu, the owner of … and … company. The husband was spending their money for young girls who are dating him. Dinna got tired and filed a divorce. Because she trusted the husband, she never checked how much money they had in a bank, never asked about their expenses or the profits of their company in their marriage lives. When she went to the court to face him and asked to split their wealth, he brought evidence that he was bankrupt and had no penny to give her. he deposited their money in different names, with his relatives’ names ….so and so. Dinnah left his house empty pocket. If you try to sue your husband, he’ll do the same to you. You build your house, rent it 2000 usd or more per month and never asked him for twenty years. That is your fault. You love him or not, you supposed to follow every income from the rent from the beginning to this day. Now, you asked him, after he started insulting you. I don’t blame the men for this. Let alone building a house by myself, if we have one together I’ll be there when we rent it, and go with him when he collects the money.” My friend’s mother bowed her head and she regretted for this mistake. The lawyer continued to speak about another lady. She started to talk about Wudie, the beautiful lady with beautiful children. “You know Wudie and her marriage. That old man married her and she has got five children with him. He beats her everyday and she run away to America. Because he can’t beat her there, he followed her and begged her. He married another young Ethiopian girl and got a child. He did this in the same State where she flew and hid. He threatened to snatch her children. They made up and he came back to Addis. The husband got worse; she received a lot of beatings and scars. She left his house. Her daughters were in America and the young boy was at home. One day she came to visit her son and the husband came while she was there. He shot her three times. But she was taken to the hospital and the bullets were removed. She survived and filed divorce. The husband was walking out of the court… Then he remarried for the ….time God knows. He died on his time. Leave your things for your God, don’t go to the court. You built the house and give the money to start business, but the profits are in your husband’s account. May be he deposited it under the name of his illegitimate child or … you don’t have the money to buy a lawyer either, so stop it here.” Women in Africa!!!! Poor or rich, educated or illiterate,…they really have it rough. We should unite as one and stop this domestic violence. Look at my father, how he treated my Mom. She was seven or eight years younger than him, but she died nine years before him. She had a job, and he forced her to stop working. She inherited a big plot of land covered with eucalyptus tree and never allowed her to cut the tree and use it. He opposed her to build a house on it. She was told by him, “A woman’s money doesn’t do anything to a family.” What a shame and foolishness is that? Money is MONEY. Whoever made it, it supports family. Anyways, on their time, life was like that. In our time, “What does she has? Who’re her families? Are they able to support us in case my business fails?” That’s what the young men asks when they search for a wife. No love for the woman, they’re falling for the material thing she owns or her family owns. God forbid. Giving everything to your family and being hated by all of them, because your husband tells lies to your kids, friends, and relatives…what is it like? This lady lost everything in this world because of her husband. Women love your husbands, but trust your God. As for me, I trust the only one God, I don’t expect to be loved by my parents, friends, neighbors, relatives or church members. When I go to church, I don’t expect to be taken care of by all members. I give what I can, and expect nothing from anyone. I live peacefully. My sisters are chaotic like their father. I’m quite like my Mom. Since the day I started Virtual class, they turned out to be …I hope Maya, Katrine, Busayo…and all of the class listen to them how they misbehaved on the first day. Because I heard a dog barking from one of my classmates’ house on two Tuesdays and I like that. Now, I’m looking for a quite single room and a shower to move out. It’s better alone than live in a noisy house. Right?

Many of you have a furnished spare room. I’ll post this on the need page.

Thank you WP for this opportunity.

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