Craig Melvin, Newscaster says, "I read some article about a guy who's paying his wife for work around the house to take care of the kids. That seems like it might be a bit extreme."
If he had been interviewing me, I would have said to him, No it's not. Perhaps, you would say differently if you were the wife who was doing the housework and taking care of the kids.
Do you think that it might be a bit extreme that a wife is doing the work around the house and taking care of the kids? Do you think that it might be a bit extreme?
Housework Hostility - I find it interesting that this title was given for this segment. It should be accurately titled, Housework Inequality or Housework Unfairness.
Craig Melvin, Interviewer: "Yesterday, you talked about stay-at-home moms and this is something that affects them disproportionately."
Stephanie Ruhle, Interviewee: "This is hugely important. You got to acknowledge the work that they do. While it is an honor especially long-term to get that time at home, the work those mothers have to do is endless. And I want you to factor in, many women who stay at home choose to but a lot don't. Many jobs don't offer you the opportunity. Once you got kids...Tell me, how many jobs can you find that coincide with a school schedule, family emergencies? If you got to be the primary person to tend to your family at home, it limits what you do. My grandmother always said to me, Think about who your boss is. Don't share your bed with the same person you're getting your paycheck from. Marriage is hard enough; it really complicates things so you are giving up your financial freedom when you are that person who stays at home."
I think some of things Stephanie said here is accurate but some of it is not and does not take into account the full picture. There are some key things that she did not say. She did not speak to the disadvantages of women working full-time particularly in the US to have that "financial freedom" as a wife and/or mother. To suggest that the one who brings home the bacon sort of speak is the boss is inaccurate. To think that a husband who is the bread winner or is the one from whom his wife depends upon for sustenance is the boss is not correct. Or to think that a husband/father who is the bread winner or is the one from whom his wife/child(ren)'s mother and child(ren) depend upon for sustenance is the boss is not correct. Provider and protector of the family does not mean or equate to boss of home. We know as Muslims that a man and a woman are equal because Allah/God Subhanna has taught us through His divine words in His guiding book, namely The Holy Quran. Allah/God Subhanna in The Holy Quran reminds us of this. We carryout different roles in the family dynamic, however, both man and woman are equal. It cannot be forgotten, however, and Muslims know this to be true that Allah/God recognizes the huge sacrifices and hard work that mothers make in the rearing of their children and in caring for their families. Allah's/God's beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, "Paradise lies at the feet of the mothers." He was not referring to neglectful mothers, selfish mothers, and/or abusive mothers but mothers who fulfill their motherly duties and responsibilities to the best of their ability. Moreover, the beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH and his) was known for helping in the household.
In speaking about how wives and mothers are being abused, being taken advantage of, etc. in these ways, I think it important to mention that wives and mothers also have to sufficiently express beyond just their words their appreciation to their husbands and their child(ren)'s father and recognize the hardships and challenges that come with being a husband and/or father who works outside of the home and carries the burden or responsibility of knowing everyday that he has to work to pay the bills and be financially responsible for the family. This is not easy particularly in today's work environments and societal culture. I think the real issue and importance is having mutual respect for each other as husband/father and wife/mother and fairness in the home and supporting one another regardless of who is making the money and who is caring for the kids and the home.
Stephanie talked about a married woman who does not work for pay giving up her "financial freedom". She may be giving up her "financial freedom" but full-time working wives and mothers also give up their freedom or give up a lot because of the time they spend working full-time. Many give up things like having time or adequate time for meaningful hobbies and leisure, having adequate time to spend with family and friends, just to name a few, and in not giving up their "financial freedom", many women experience significant amounts of stress contributing to the production of cortisol that lends itself to numerous physical problems such as weight gain, heart problems, strokes, and other immediate and future medical issues, etc., don't get adequate or normal amounts of sleep a night, don't eat properly to fuel their bodies with the right nutrition, for example, skipping breakfast or not eating a balanced or adequate breakfast despite it being the most important meal of the day, don't have sufficient energy and/or a desire to cook their families healthy meals at the end of their work day, have a lack of time to nurture themselves and invest in her overall wellness...emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical, have a less than satisfactory sex life, problems with infertility likely because they are working indoors most of the day, they are not outdoors in the sunlight enough, which is hugely significant in increasing fertility, something I discovered or learned recently after investigating a hypothesis of mine, and the list of problems go on. The fact that more women in America die from heart disease than women in any other country speaks to the reality that women in the United States not giving up their "financial freedom" comes with a heavy price. I don't know how it can be called a married woman having "financial freedom" when she goes to work outside of the home as does her husband and then uses the money because of an expectation on the part of her husband and/or herself that she earns or gets paid to pay the family's rent or the family's mortgage payment every month and uses the money she earns to pay for the family's groceries regularly, etc. I see it as more she having the freedom to be a slave or having the freedom to be an ongoing charitable donor.
"If you got to be the primary person to tend to your family at home, it limits what you do." Stephanie Ruhle said. Very true. It does but let us please be balanced about it, I would say to her. Working part-time or full-time outside of the home on things that does not involve tending to the family also limits what one does.
There are a lot women who are dishonest with themselves. They have been so brainwashed, so dumb-downed that that aren't even able to listen to their own inner voice, their own selves. They aren't even able to understand that some of what they are saying concerning this issue doesn't make sense.
The reality is there are a lot of things one has to give up when married. There's a lot of sacrifice involved in marriage. Anyone who is doing marriage right would tell us that. Yet, with the great deal of sacrifice involved on the part of both wife and husband, marriage offers many benefits to the couple and to the family.
The reality that many women, many wives and many mothers in the US and in other places trying to play superwoman for the different reasons that they do has caused a lot of problems in society. The reality is that many married women and many mothers working part-time or full-time are suffering, their families are suffering, and societies and communities are suffering. The fact that because an overwhelming number of women are in work settings, they are not regularly available and visible in the community. Stephanie didn't speak to this. The truth of the matter is a lot of women are having a very difficult time of and are failing at balancing working outside of the home and working inside of the home, being wives and mothers and daughters and sisters and aunts and friends and neighbors and community members, etc. Something has to give and it's certainly giving alright. Just take a look at families and the society. The facts are there. Stephanie didn't speak to this either.
If a wife/mother's working outside of the home is going to cause suffering to herself and/or to her family, then I think she should curtail the amount of time she is investing outside of the home.
If women do 2 more hours of housework daily than men, particularly women who work outside the home full-time, I wonder how these same women are able to have adequate time to bond or connect with their husband and the father of their child(ren). Just based on this statistic, I see why then so often marriages fail and why as wrong as it is, many husbands and wives cheat and why in recent times, emotional cheating or emotional infidelity in marriages has increased.
Women do 2 more hours of housework daily than men. I see this as being a huge problem on many, many levels. It's a good thing it's being researched and talked about more now. Recently, I learned that a number of researchers, scholars, faculty, and/or PhD students at universities are researching this topic which is a good thing.