Are you on the driving seat of the vehicle called life?

Natasha Saxena
Posted December 21, 2016 from India

I have observed with most women that whenever they have to make a thoughtful life decision they put off retract. They always reckon on to someone else. They afflict over what is to be done, fluctuating from pillar to post and inference themselves scrupulously.

One major reason behind that is women’s lacking self confidence due to dependency. Since forever, women have been taught to be mum, stay native, abide ignorant, listen to their families, comply the guidelines, and to serve others at the expense of themselves. It is impossible for anyone to remain unaffected by this legacy and to feel confident in his own sense of self-worth.

Not only women restrain themselves in making big life decisions but they fail in making day-today arrangements for themselves. In a day, we make numerous small and big decisions like- I will wear this; I will have this for lunch; I will buy this; I will meet him/her and so on. For some people this is not at all a big deal but for some, it’s a big task.

Women are unable to make decisions even when conferred with logical options. They are controlled by emotion, the predominant emotion being fear.

In most of the cases when they back out, they say something like, "my husband says that or my brother-in-law says so or let me first ask him/her (even though they were not involved in that at all).

The skill of making decision arrives easily to some people, not so easily to others. However it has become extremely important. Here are some approaches that might help you in becoming a decision maker.

It’s OK to make mistakes:Women avoid making a decision as they are afraid it won’t work out well. They constantly wonder what if and regret. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. The worst thing you can do is not be in charge. Some decisions don’t work out as conventional; this doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. You just need to live with your choices and look forth hopefully instead of never being happy with where you are in life.

Get married only if you want:You should never get married just because your family wants you to or because everyone else is doing it. Our reasons to get married are often all wrong and dictated by social norms. You must have a clear vision and better control over what you actually want in life.

Career matters:Never let anyone decide for you whether you should work or not. Never get married to a person who asks you to leave your job. If you are working, you are financially independent and you will have an identity of your own. You will be better capacitated, supplied and legitimized to make decisions – simply because you know that you have a choice.

A woman should be two things: who & what she wants.

Your body your choice:We all have the right to make decisions about our own body, health, desires and conceptive life, without despair, intimidation, clash or injustice. But in our country, women's freedom to make these decisions is controlled by their families. Please remember no one has the right on your body but you.

“My body, and yours, cannot be held in bondage to anyone else’s conviction of what I must, must not, should, should not, can, cannot, may or may not do with my body.”

Choice of clothes:Always wear what you want. People should not be telling you how to dress, not your father, not your brother, not even your husband. We’re all beautiful in our own way and we need to remember that. Nothing makes you more beautiful than being totally and completely yourself, and this includeswhat youchoose to wear. You only live once so stop caring about what anyone else thinks and wear what makes you feel good.

The most important thing a woman wears is her confidence.

Don’t seek approval:Don’t try to please others in everything you do. When it comes to shopping, go alone if you don't wish to show anyone what you're trying on or feel obligated to see someone else's picks. Decide things yourself and don’t postpone decisions. It’s often good to think through your decisions but don’t overdo it.

Eat what you like:Many women go vegetarian/non-vegetarian just because their new family after marriage want them to. Never do that. You should be the one deciding what you like to eat. It is lousy to deprive yourself of your favourite foods. Food is one of the best things of life and one should never compromise on what he/she likes to eat. I have also seen women who after several minutes of reading the menu, says, “Order what you wish. I don’t know what to order.” Accept that you can’t order every delicious dish on the menu. Don’t make the simplest decisions so difficult.

Make your own financial decisions:I have seen even financially independent women who turn to male members of their families in money matters. It’s time you took control of your financial future. When you put so much of yourself to make the money, you should really decide, what’s done with it.

Learn to drive & plan tours:Women adjourn training to drive because they depend on public transport or they have a partner who drives. It only makes you relying on others. Once you learn the art of driving, you not only help yourself in critical and immediate situations but you could also help those around you. You don’t have to wait for anyone and you could be useful to other people around you. Also plan tours periodically as travelling makes you confident and gives you the freedom to be yourself.

You know where you want to go and only you can take you there.

“You are remarkable and you need to think that too. The empowered woman is powerful beyond measure and beautiful beyond description.”

Comments 4

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Dec 29, 2016
Dec 29, 2016

Natasha, you make profound insights into the kind of stereotypes that many societies have ingrained in our minds that eventually affect us in ways that we sometimes even fail to recognize and acknowledge as the female fork. We need to challenge our own capabilities by de-linking these negative thoughts associated with femininity and start exploring whatever and wherever our potentials can take us. This will require courage, building self confidence, in our case inspired by a sense of self worth. We recognize as women, that we might all be at different levels in terms of fighting for our rightful place in society, depending on different backgrounds and the willingness of ones society to embrace change, however, there is always hope for women given the legal framework that exists at state level and internationally. Having a female mentor is one of the strategies some societies have employed to encourage and inspire others.Do you have some examples of what has worked in your society?

Dec 31, 2016
Dec 31, 2016

Natasha, from this page I don't know what country you are from. Wherever you are, you certainly have learned the ideals of womanhood! You state it very well, and I appreciated reading this statement. There might be a disparity between these human rights, and the way for certain women to attain them in a patriarchal society. I hope all the women in your community/circle can be exposed to these ideals. Then maybe there is a way to design some education programs for these women, AND THE MEN of this community to discuss their perceptions of these ideals. I wish you the best in assisting the women you know, to reach these behaviors, and without penalty. Maybe work on one of them at a time, such as dressing independently, or making their own deicisions, etc. Blessings on your important work!

Nicole Joseph-Chin
Jul 15, 2017
Jul 15, 2017

These stereotypes have been built by societies and we have to stand firm in changing them. The social movements we build can be a start to this. It might be labeled as trouble making but the right word is advocacy. so become an advocate and rally those who share the beliefs. Strength in numbers. 

Aug 19, 2017
Aug 19, 2017

Dear Natasha, 

This essay could be a valuable guide for every girl on the brink of womanhood. Congratulations  on your thoughtful crafting of a message so necessary for every girl, everywhere, to learn and take to heart.