How My Worst Nightmare Became My Future

Natasja
Posted March 31, 2016 from Netherlands

My name is Natasja and this is my story ....

Have you ever been hurt so badly that for a moment...it seems time stands still and you become the fly on the wall, looking down on a sad situation? If you were with me that afternoon, you would feel like a human popsicle. No where to go. Nobody to turn to.Your mind is numb. Your body frozen.

You'd see and hear everything in slow motion. You can hear the clock ticking, while my emotional unavailable mom and dominant steph dad are yelling at me. And for what?

All I did was write down my adventures. In my mind I travelled to the most exotic places, met the most wonderful people who all loved me for who I was. Ok, I admit... there were chapters in my fantasy journal where I was a groupie travelling around the world with my favourite boyband. Of course each member of the band knew me by name and I was a regular backtage.

It's funny how I can still vividly remember some stories I wrote in my journal. It's rather sad though how a teenager needs a fantasy journal to escape reality. To escape from him.

Writing was the only way I knew how to stop myself from playing that horror movie over and over again in my mind. It was the only way I knew how to deal with the sexual abuse that lasted for over a year.

Of course, I made sure I hid my fantasy escape journal well. I put it under the carpet in bedroom closet. Somehow, he found it anyway and spend an enire day to thoroughly read it. When he was done, and I came home from school...he laughed at me... judged me... called me a...

My most private thoughts were stolen that day. What was once mine, was no longer my own. There was no escaping now. Just coping with what was.

I felt utterly ashamed and unimportant. As a person. As a daughter. As a young woman.No one cared enough to stop him. I never put pen to paper again...

I became a very private person. I made sure my thoughts were kept locked safely...in my mind only. Never did I expect that what once was a nightmare became my future...

As a young mother of three, all I wanted was to be the best mom I could be and made money doing something I love. Several years later and with a gazillion failures to my name, I did not just feel frustrated. I felt like a nobody. I felt like a loser who no one really ever understood. Somehow I always ended up being someone else's cheerleader. I can't remember the times I asked myself: What the heck have I been doing wrong? For ten years I've been searching for the wrong answer...

It's a random Tuesday night. I'm bored, frustrated, and I'm hoping a bag of brown M&M's will cheer me up. As I sit behind my computer, I come accross Nick Unsworth's video about the Power of storytelling. Nick shares a story of a desperate woman who has been emotionally abused for years. She was looking for the same answers I am. After being coached by Nick she now is a successful business woman who is living a happy and fullfilling life. I'm intrigued yet annoyed. Something in that video both ticked me off and excited me at the same time.

That night, I can't sleep. How the hell am I going to choose which life experience, nightmare, story, is supposed to be my future? I have so many! What's my true passion?

It's now 3 am. The house is quiet. My husband and three young boys are asleep. I can hear them breathing peacefully. My mind calms down, and I realize....all of them are! Every failure is a story others can learn from. Every story can inspire others as other people's stories have inspired me. This is who I am. And you know what? I'm freaking legend! It's time to get the word out! I fell in love with the element of storytelling that night, and I never looked back.

Now, I didn't have the answers to the who, what and how. All I had was this gut feeling that this... was it! All I had was the intense desire to give people a voice and help them translate their personal stories into inspiring messages...

Sure, I was scared. My fear to fail once again was constantly tormenting me,challenging me, to just give up.To quit. But...I never quit. Ever.

I started writing again... I learned how to write effective copy and how to emotionally connect with my audience. I learned about public speaking, and how to give a person, a product, a service a voice.

Today, I'm an international story coach and speaker coach. Sometimes not knowing every detail and simply acting upon that gut feeling deep inside of you, opens up a whole new world of possibilities. I know it did for me.

All it takes is for you to open up and stand up for who you REALLY are. It can be scary to be vulnerable. Believe me, I know. You may even think your life is boring or that you don't have a story that is worth sharing. I've been there too.

You see, like Martin Luther King, I too have a dream: To provide the world with a voice. Today, I'm slowly growing my network. I'm learning how NOT to trade time for money. I'm learning to act out of inspiration instead of desperation. The world is HUGE, I know...

BUT..

you've got to start somewhere, right? It might as well be at the beginning. That's where all good stories start anyway.

Much love,

Natasja

Comments 4

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Yvanna Kroitor
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016

Wow Nastasja - so powerful.  Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging others to share theirs.  You've encouraged me to look inside and find out what my passion is.  

Natasja
Apr 01, 2016
Apr 01, 2016

Thank you Yvanna. I'm REALLY looking forward to hear what ignites your fire!

Natasja

Tamarack Verrall
Apr 03, 2016
Apr 03, 2016

Hi Natasha,

You are such a great story teller! First your title grabbed me. Then I was gripped all the way through as if I was living your story, while on a parallel  wavelength being gently and so encouragingly pushed to explore what I can find in myself to be more effective in putting into action what I am capable of, diving down deep. Thanks for the inspiring words! Would you consider re- posting this in the Gender-based Violence Group? It would be such a valuable message there.

In sisterhood,

Tam

Natasja
Apr 04, 2016
Apr 04, 2016

Tam, thank you so much for your in depth comment on how you have experienced my story when reading it. I appreciate your kind words and I will surely post this in the gender-based violence group. Thanks for the sugestion!

I'm sure you''ll find plenty of gems in yourself waiting to get polished so they get to shine a light on your AND someone else's life. When you do....I hope you''ll share them with the rest of the world.

In love and sisterhood,

Natasja

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