Covid Waked Me Up!

Veronica Salarda
Posted April 11, 2020 from Philippines
COVID WAKED ME UP!

This story is about how I battled my depression - what happened to me because of it - how i survived it - and how Covid makes me realize to value the life that I still have!

I hope that my story would inspire all the woman out there on how to deal with emotions - that's it's just okay to feel weak - to feel lonely - but then there's more to it! That being a woman take's a lot of courage and strength - that we also need to acknowledge our weaknesses but not letting it to put us down. 

So, I'm writing my story for the first time! 

 

COVID WAKED ME UP!

 

It was March of last year when it all started…. the emptiness, the loneliness, the bitterness… the depression that grew inside me each day! 

 

I was known by my friends and work colleagues to be Ms. Energetic- a person who never fails to smile and gives joy to others. But early last year, it came to a point that every end of each day, I was finding myself at the corner of my room, lurking on that depression! It’s getting out of control each day which makes me want to just disappear in this world! The woman whom everybody knew to be a strong kind of woman suddenly becomes so weak. The woman whom others thought she got all the answers suddenly doesn’t know anything. That woman just suddenly wants to be banished! And what did that woman do? Succumb in loneliness while drowning herself on alcohol every night! and of course, every action has its own consequence… indeed a bad consequence! 

 

It was March of last year when I found myself puking blood which scared me to death… the ER doctor said it’s not just blood I was puking but a lot of acids which later on burned by upper stomach and lower esophagus. The pain that I felt on my abdomen was excruciating and endless at that time! They have to put on a liquid diet for a month because of my “esophageal ulcer” a rare case where stomach acids already went up and damaged lower esophagus… it went on until April when they have to conduct a simple endoscopy to see again the damage on my lower esophagus. But that simple procedure turned out to be a devastating moment in my life after my esophagus exploded… yeahhh it literally exploded when they attempted to insert the very thin tube on my esophagus. Everybody panicked of course specially my hubby seeing my eyes, my face bloating! And so they have to perform an immediate surgery to cut out my lower esophagus… and I got saved! The surgeon said that it’s a miracle indeed that toxins from the explosion of my esophagus did not spread to my internal organs, otherwise I wouldn’t make it! So there you go, I woke up with an Intubation. I struggled! More pain! I then found out that they have to put my remaining esophagus (the upper one) on my neck, I couldn’t be fed orally and my saliva goes out of my neck (gross) so I have to put on tons of tissue on that portion of my neck and replace it every 5minutes. And they also put a jejunum tube on me to feed me there. I didn’t know then if I’ll be grateful that I survived! I struggled a lot! But all those pains made me realize that I am indeed a strong woman and that I am strong because God made me strong and that I just totally forgot that… forgot that I have God! And yes I don’t have all the answers because it’s just God who knows everything. And that I don’t have to find anybody else to rely on to because I can only rely on to God on everything! I lost me because I lost God in me, totally! And there on the NICU bed where I found God’s hands pulling me up and pulling me out of darkness! And yes I still struggle and I still feel pain, but this time I have my God to get me through! So came June for my next surgery…. to take a portion of my right colon and stitch on as my lower esophagus. I knew then that my life or eating habit wouldn’t be like before. And again, I surpass the major surgery. Few weeks and they removed my jejunum tube and I was able to feed on my mouth again… slowly! 

 

It was March of last year when I started to be so depressed, got so sick, almost died and survived! I slowly started my second life… accepting all my weaknesses... showing to people my loneliness and letting them to cheer me up! And yeah, I started embracing that I am not strong because of me but I am strong because of the people around me, my love-ones, my family, and above all, God makes me strong! And it’s okay to reveal your weakness, it wouldn’t define you at all… but it sharpens you more! It’s okay to be lonely but not deal with loneliness alone and rather share it with others. Everything molded me to be stronger, tougher, and be real on my emotions! And yeah, time heals all pain… 

 

But… as human as we are, we tend to remember the pain… the loneliness… the heartaches… the depression! 

 

Or maybe because it’s March again… and my body knows exactly what happened on March of last year!

 

All the pain… the loneliness… the heartaches… the depression… are all coming back! But it’s also March when this Covid-19 started to take on the News! It’s just everywhere… television and all social media! And it hit me! The rising number of death tolls, the panicking everywhere… it just hit me! It’s like a breeze of wind that blew on my face that suddenly awakened my senses… the breeze telling me that “hey there’s a lot going on around you.. there’s more serious problem that needs your urgent attention… and that your family needs you now more than ever” and that slapped me in the face! Funny ha! It’s like telling me that there’s no time to be depressed again.. because there are more people out there who doesn’t want to end their life but because of the Covid- they just did not have the choice! So right there and then, when our President declared a lockdown in the Philippines – I got waken up! Covid woke me up to take life seriously! Be grateful of life while you still have it… and love your life while you still can! 

 

And now, I’ve surpassed March again! And I’m continuing to fight for the second life that God has preciously given me! I am continuing to love the life which I’m gratefully sharing to my love-ones! No depression can take me down – even this Covid thingy! Because I have a big God who can battle everything for me! For us! 

 

So let’s keep our faith up!

 

 

This story was submitted in response to Share On Any Topic.

Comments 17

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Anita Shrestha
Apr 11
Apr 11

Thank you for sharing

Jill Langhus
Apr 11
Apr 11

Hello Veronica,

Welcome to World Pulse! I hope you and your family are well. Thanks so much for having the bravery to share your amazing, but traumatic, story with us. I've never heard of such a thing happen before. It's truly amazing that you lived through all that. I'm glad, though, that you're feeling better now and speaking up about your depression. I hope you'll be able to get to the root cause of it so you can experience true joy and peace, dear. I'm looking forward to seeing more posts from you and learning more about what you're passionate about.

I hope you and your family are safe and well.

XX

Veronica Salarda
Apr 12
Apr 12

Thank you Jill. Joining World Pulse made me inspire to write my story and I'm glad to have this group where I could freely share a part of me and also learn from empowered women from this group just like you!

Jill Langhus
Apr 13
Apr 13

You're welcome!

Great! We're glad to have you here, dear:-)

You're empowered, too!

XX

Chidinma Helen Okoye

Thank you for sharing.Trust you are safe ?

Veronica Salarda
Apr 12
Apr 12

I'm pretty safe Chidinma Helen.. i hope you are too! Please keep safe always!

Chidimma
Apr 11
Apr 11

Hi Dear Veronica.
Welcome to World Pulse.
You are indeed a survival.
May God strengthen you more and thanks for sharing.
Stay safe.

Veronica Salarda
Apr 12
Apr 12

Thank you! Keep safe too Chidimma ☺️

Shirin Dalaki
Apr 11
Apr 11

Dear Veranica,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is no doubt that this virus is a wake up call for humanity and you personally expressed it truely with your words ... and yes ... we have a big God that can battle everything for us. I admire your faith and I know your faith guides you through.

With love and gratitude,

Shirin

maeann
Apr 12
Apr 12

Hi Nica,

Welcome to World Pulse. Thank you for sharing what you have been gone through. I remember when we visited you at the Hospital, I never thought that was March.

I see your post photos on Facebook, trying to keep the life has given you. You are so brave and courageous woman, despite the pain and other struggles. What you felt is valid. And now you have shared your stories, that we can learn and inspire with. God has lovingly healed you because of your faith with the God who created you. You are a living testimony, how amazingly God still does miracles in our lives.

You are not alone, we heal as one!
Encourage World Pulse Sisters: https://www.worldpulse.com/encourager
#SheTransformsTech #LogOnRiseUp #WorldPulsePH
"We Heal as One" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0jwHzGUGCg

Veronica Salarda
Apr 12
Apr 12

Thanks much MaeAnn... i was able to survive it all because I've been surrounded with lots of people with full of Faith just like you who prayed with me during those very hard times of my life! And Im grateful to God for bringing you all to me! Thank you for your prayerful heart and now for inspiring me to be courageous in sharing my story and probably be of inspiration to others as well...

maeann
Apr 15
Apr 15

You are loved Nica.... hugs

Vanora.Lee
Apr 12
Apr 12

It's amazing that you are completely saved and healed by God. Yes God is so real! What we need to do is just rely on Him and trust in Him. People always don't like to display as weak and let others help. Remeber when Jesus was crucified on the cross, he said "I'm thirsty" and let people gave me some drink; and he also cried why His Father left Him. He just behaved like us, all human does. So, don't be shameful when you share your feeling and ask for help. The way you believe in God how Huge He is, then He will be much much Huge than we think to lead our way. Pray God to continue to heal you, bless you and use all women in the world who experience His Goodness to help others. God bless!

Busayo Obisakin
Apr 17
Apr 17

Dear veronica,
Welcome to World Pulse! Thank you for sharing with us your amazing story and I thank God that you are pushing on well trusting and appreciating God for giving you life. Sending Love and prayers to you my Sister
Love
Busayo

lizzymark
Apr 22
Apr 22

Hi Veronica, congrats on your first post welcome to this family of loving,caring, compassionate sisterhood. So sorry about all you went through, am glad you still kept that strength and hope,knowing in our selves alone we are lost but in God and relationship we are great.
We are women, we are strong and we can beat this and sure we will celebrate when we have stayed and crossed over to the other side.
You are known right here and loved.

Laiba Zainab
Apr 26
Apr 26

Lots of love sweetheart <3
Stay vulnerable and strong at the same time.

Nab
Jul 20
Jul 20

Thank you for sharing. I'm amazed by how strong you are. I'm battling my own demons since covid started. And taking it one day at a time. Reading your story gives me hope. Stay safe and take care.