Olanike Adesanya
Posted September 30, 2021 from Nigeria

*GIRLS', DON'T ABUSE YOURSELVES, (G, DAY)*:  *LECTURE DELIVERED AMONG TEENAGERS, 40 IN NUMBERS, TO MARK MY 55TH BIRTHDAY*.  ***************************** SELF ABUSE, A lot of adults have indulged in the act unknowingly and scores of our young girls (and boys alike) keep doing it, because little do they know that a lot of things they do and take for granted are grossly wrapped in the act of Self Abuse.  Don't abuse yourself!  That acts of errors has informed my pen on paper, as usual, to script a few words of of caution which I presented as my 55th Birthday Lecture to a group of Teenage Persons, 42 of them.  As simple as the couple of words, *Self Abuse* seem, surprised was I that more than ¾ of my teenage audience, age ranges between 13 and 20 years, do not understand Self Abuse, (how Self could be Abused).  A lot of them haven't actually heard about the term before I talked to them about it.  Now to the Topic, _*SELF ABUSE*_  

I described *Self Abuse* as same status as *Low self-esteem*; Underscoring one’s ability.  Underrating yourself.  Lack of self-confidence that you regret much later when remedies are too late to apply. Related terms were given as;  Self-mutilation. Self-Harm.  Self-injury. Self-stimulation for sexual arousement. Indulgence in excessive drinking that soon consumes your insulin and put you on drugs for life that is if you are lucky enough to find help and solution, if ignorance of it doesn’t kill you before you find out.  Too much eating, (glutinous).  Sleeping too much. Scratching of body deeply beyond the foreskin. (I love the Yoruba adage that discourages indulging too much in doing a thing; even if you are enjoying it. Even the Bible cautioned it. “Do not be an excessive teacher or a talkative, for you may be judged in too much words that you speak.  You abuse yourself when you go at another person’s speed,  When you envy your fellow being bitterly. When you don’t know the boundary or the difference between;  To admire and to Envy.   Self Abuse is also Reproach of oneself. Forgetting As Psalms Verse 139 Vs 7, I am Fearfully and Wonderfully made, so why must you abuse you being and think you should be the other person).       Old Fashioned Masturbation.      Abusing your body, your Health.      Buying things on impulse, a loafer, underachiever and a Slacker are different brands of *Self Abuse*.      Health Abuse is also Self Abuse. As in staying awake all night on _Tiktok_ , unprofitable, money and time wasting overnight browsing and extra-cool that does not add value to your wellbeing.      Emotional Abuse, like believing and confessing; Nobody likes me attitudes, No one loves me, Nobody wants to see me or hear me out.  Thinking about and going extra miles searching and looking for stuffs that would eventually makes you unhappy.      Feeling like an idiot, like you don’t know anything and refusal to dwell on those things you know a lot about but always concentrating on those things that are far reaching.  The feelings of *"I don’t know Mathematics and allowing the feelings"* to affect the Further Mathematics and History that you are very good at.      Feeling too poor to mingle with people and tell them about your opinion too. Forgetting that though, they may be growing in a different and a better environment which could give them a better feelings, of a truth, but you refusing to get influenced by their exotic feelings without unnecessarily envious of them, because both of you are going to get to and live in the same future.  Forgetting that being poor is not suicidal, you only can't afford a luxury and that doesn't make you a criminal, but should only remind you that you got to study and take the advantage of your environment. Study hard and step out of your poverty in grand style and carry on with the spirit of Teni, the songster, in her Solo, *“Our Baba no be Dangote, nor Adeleke, but we go dey okey*. You all sing it, so learn to live it according as you are dreaming it, and stop abusing yourself.     It is good to pray. It is also good to be born of spiritually affluent parents and prayer warriors, but don’t be deceived, poverty, and hunger do not die by fire and thunder nor casting and binding. It dies by not abusing yourself now. Express yourself. You are only poor, you are not a murderer.      Don’t think about dropping out. Dropping out is another form of Self Abuse. You can do just better, our system has not even finished taking care of those who *"drop in*" those who are on the track and their lane, don't treat *dropping out* as an option of an alternative.      “Self Abuse is the spirit of "Just  open your mouth and make a full of yourself. You better keep quiet and shot your trap”. No. Don’t injure yourself esteem with such feelings. Open your mouth and say it loud but clear. You won’t offend anybody by it. Let them laugh at you, they will get over the feelings and you will be glad that your seemingly foolish opinion at least has made some has his laughter for the day. He may not have another opportunity to do so. You may even have your feelings so high and acceptable, that'll be a plus for you. I remember my undergraduate days I had to clear a doubt in like manner. The answer to the calculus was actually 0, I got it but I was in doubt. Alas! I summoned the courage to say it loud and I won an applaud, after some people had mocked me and my answer. The lecturer simply said, “Why are you all laughing? She got it right. The answer is 0.  I had earlier felt like: *"Let me keep quiet, others would mock me"*. If I had given in for the negative feelings and thinking, I would not have had the opportunity to redeem my self-pity after the answer was worked out and it was 0. Don't kill your esteem or simply indulge yourself in Abuse of Self such as;  They may not be happy.  I would be faulted. Stupid me.  I don’t deserve their compassion.  What right do I have in their midst?  I am too short.  I am too tall. I am too black.  I am an albino,  I am black.  I am coloured.  I have ascents etc.  That would probably deprived you of the accolades you would have received that day and the prestige that followed since that had you spoken out. 

Mouths smell a lot when you don’t open them over hours apart from other infection and diseases that I may not know could cause bad breath. It is Self Abuse.      Don’t indulge yourself in “Oh! I am too emotional.  I cannot manage emotions. Says who? You are not the only custodian of emotions, may be you don’t know it.      To the girls, if your boyfriend disappoints you, don’t appoint another one, they are friends. They have plans. Don’t fall their prey. That is equal to using your precious self to get at conspiracy of them and it is tantamount to Self-Abuse. If you are peradventure, dumped by a boy, don't rush into another boy in an attempt to show the former boy that you're up to his attitude, else you'll soon find out that the team have all laid you, all of them! In no distance a time, you would have served them round, like news paper.  What a shameful act  of *_Self Abuse_*  It is Self Abuse when you allow Self-pity to  Rule Your World.  Okay?  Don’t throw yourself to men in pity. Make sure you like him enough and you're both emotionally, financially and psychologically ready before you make up your mind about a relationship. Don't abuse yourself. You are only going to marry one man at a time and probably in your lifetime. Unlike men, on who nature still smiles (even if religion doesn’t) when they are married to more than one wife, in case of polygamy.     OMG! My performance in the last attempt! Don’t worry about it to the extent of forgetting that you need to work harder next term that comes soon. That too is another brand of Self Abuse.  Talking honestly, life can only be understood backwards, though, but it must be lived forwards. So, pick the pieces of your dear self and keep moving forward.  You can fly,  You can run.  You can walk or craw,  Just be sure that you are moving. Hun? 

 *WHAT ARE THE SOLUTIONS TO SELF ABUSE?*  Always ibibe the spirit of;     I can do it.      Turn your negative thinking to positive thinking.  I will manage my emotions.      Make up your mind to end your torture yourself, like the prodigal son did, of the of our Lord Jesus Christ. .      Speak out your mind, not in a violent manner though.       I will resist this temptation.  This money! I will save it for the raining day. The ants don’t consume all they have gathered at once. They save a lot for the raining days. They don’t come out to work in the rain. They have principles as tiny as they are. Look at the size of an ant. They still think deeply. Ants don't abuse themselves, so why must you, human beings?     I will work at least ten exercises daily on each topic. I will cut the hours of sleep, and do some reading for the sake of my future.      Mathematics is simple. If I can pass others subject, I can pass it too. I will ask questions on the topic I don’t get along with.      They will only mock me once. I will excel with distinctions and the mock won’t matter any longer.  I remember Salisu Buhari and Ademola Adeleke made up their minds, they overcame their Self Abuses they indulgeed during their Young years, they dropped out of school and that cost them much later in life. They made use of their second chances. They were so lucky.  Instead of hiring the best Lawyers who would help them to cover their illegalities with profession prowess, they picked up their lives, went back to colleges and earn their degrees.  But first, they both, by Self Abuse, missed their most clamoured golden political opportunities, Speaker of National Assembly and Gubernatorial elections, respectively.  You may not be as lucky as they both were. So, convert your chances to opportunities.  *Girls, DON'T ABUSE YOURSELVES (G, DAY*

Thank you for your rapt attention. 

And thank you for taking your time to read through my Birthday Talk with Teenagers. 

Olanike Adesanya.

This story was submitted in response to World Pulse Digital Ambassadors.

Comments 2

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Oct 03
Oct 03

Hi sister
Happy birthday!
Thank you for teaching our girls to prioritise and for pointing out to them that too much or indulgence in a particular thing is not always good. Thank you for your work!

Olanike Adesanya
Oct 03
Oct 03

Thanks Dear Sis for your comments.
Much love.

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