SHE IS FEARFUL, SHE IS COURAGEOUS. AND SHE WANTS TO BE KNOWN.

Nini Mappo
Posted July 28, 2020 from Kenya

 

I close my eyes, but sleep will not come. There are voices in my head. Her voices. Vibrant, sad, urgent, passionate. She wants to be heard. She has a pained smile, a fearless gaze, softened by the love in her heart.

There is understanding in her eyes.

Her hair is sometimes covered, sometimes blue, sometimes curly, sometimes straight, sometimes in braids. Here is one with a faceless presence. I try to give her a face, but a colourful pattern is superimposed on her features. So I let her face go, and seek out her spirit instead.

Her journey is a mosaic of fear. Of joy. Of courage. Of setbacks. Of hope. Of resilience. Of triumphs won through grit and tears. These are glued on by truths or lies, chords that tie her down or wings that buoy her soar.

Who, is she?

Twenty days ago, I did not know of her existence. But here she is. A crowd in my head, a joyful sisterhood. She is in search of herself, she is in search of her future. Hers, and that of the generations she carries with her.

She is building freedom. Freedom from fear. From oppression. From abuse. From poverty in all its forms. This freedom too is for others too weak to fight, even babies yet to be born.

She is building freedom, and she has come together. Full of purpose, conviction, vision, hope. She is an army marching on towards the future she envisions. And she brings others along.

Look, they are gathered for coffee. Hear their chatter. See the light in their eyes. Drink in the camaraderie and catch their energy.  But what are they doing in my head? “Would you like to sit? Here, I got you coffee,” offers a bright eyed princess. I look at her puzzled. Does she not know?

“I am sorry,” I say. “I never did care much for coffee. But I will, sit down. For I find this company more energising than the strongest coffee brew!” With a wink, she moves her coat to make room for me. As I sink myself beside her, she is no longer a stranger, and I finally fall asleep with warmth in my heart.

But I see her again in my sleep. Bent over. Misunderstood. Humiliated. Desperate and lonely. Hiding in fear. Fear for her safety and that of her children, her world. Fear of being known, of knowing too much. And fear of her ambition, her potential, what she might accomplish.

Who, will nurture her?

She is afraid. Afraid of the shadows and afraid of the light that would consume them and set her free. She looks back anxiously, and ahead in hope. I wish to hold her hand and walk her to the light. Her light. Our light.

Who, will reassure her?

She has won a hundred victories and suffered a thousand losses. But she won. Because she is courageous! Because she is a gently flowing river, refreshing, calming, sheltering life within her. This life she nurtures, even with bruised hands and a heart bleeding from innumerable wounds.

Who, will comfort her?

She has been celebrated. She has been ignored. She has been pushed down and left in a corner. But she has a power greater than her fears. For her name is beautiful. Her name is victorious. Her name is compassionate. Her name is strength. Her name is worthy of dignity and wealth and recognition and rest. Rest from violence and terror and injustice. Rest from her lonely, arduous struggles.

But, does she know?

Does she know that she is not her environment? That she is not her past? That she is not her mistakes? That she is not her hurt? That she is not the apathetic response that meets her quest to be heard, to be free, to be whole?

Does she know she is loved? That she is worthy of love? That it is not her fault that she was exploited, abused and abandoned?

Does she know that she is not less than? That she can heal? Does she know she might win? That she can win? That she will win?

I believe that she knows in a way because, although she is bruised and wounded in the battlefield, she is here—speaking. She is digging deep in her past to inform her present—growing. She is creating opportunities for others to step up—building. She is petitioning governments for change—standing. She is reaching out with compassion and empathy—nurturing. And she is present. Present. PRESENT! Engaged, she is engaging.

Who, will journey with her?

She is courageous enough to want to be known. That is why she is here. In this shared space, she may pen a thousand stories and she may pen none. But that is secondary, for she is always writing her story, the story in her heart. And she, is here

Do you, see her? 

Then walk with her, be the tribe that is holding her hand and igniting that story in her heart, for her to rise. Until she rises.

Sisters, ignite!                                          

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As water reflects a face so a person’s heart reflects the person. Proverbs 27:19

Giver her the reward she has earned, and let her work bring her praise at the city gates. Proverbs 30:31.  

This story was inspired by the above proverbs, and by reading some of your beautiful stories here at World Pulse. I hope that you found a bit of your journey in a word, a phrase, even in the pauses in between.

 

“For comfort and care, one must depend on others.” Michael John Cusick

Keep caring, keep comforting.

 

Dedicated to all World Pulse sisters and their sisters, with love in sisterhood,

Nini Mappo

Comments 17

Log in or register to post comments

Hello, Nini,

Wow, what a loving tribute to all of our World Pulse sisters. I'm personally touched! Thank you for taking time to write this piece for us. What a timely piece to read. I appreciate you! Your heart reflects you indeed!

Please keep on writing! You're such a beautiful addition to our World Pulse Community. Hugs, dear

Nini Mappo
Jul 30
Jul 30

Hi Karen,

Thank you for such warm sentiments :)
This tribute would not be written if it was not for all the beautiful stories shared by all the sisters here at World Pulse!

So I am glad that it touched you, because it is your story, and that of the women you support and journey with, the story of all of us!

Thank you for sharing your story so that I can write ours :)

Nini Mappo
Jul 28
Jul 28

And thank you for pointing out the story reflects my heart, that was encouraging! Because writing it I was fuelled by all the hearts reflected in every story here, and I forgot to include myself in it.

So thank you for pointing out my place in the story.

And thank you, I'm so glad I found World Pulse!

Jill Langhus
Jul 29
Jul 29

Hmmm, I don't know anyone with blue hair...:-) You're a very gifted writer, Nini. It's lovely to have you as part of our community, dear!

XX

Nini Mappo
Jul 29
Jul 29

Haha not to worry Jill, because I happen to know two so I have that covered;)
One of them in real life and one who is the designated 'face of World Pulse' in my mind. And had to make it into the story as code for all of us with coloured hair.

Thank you for the compliment, I am so very glad to have a community to share these stories with.
Good to know that you found a little of your journey somewhere:-)

Jill Langhus
Jul 31
Jul 31

Ha. I see:-) I was teasing, too.

Oh, no... someone's after my look, for real:-)

You're very welcome, dear.

Hope you have a great weekend.

Nini Mappo
Aug 01
Aug 01

Ha yes, I thought as much...it's pretty hard to forget oneself! And no, your signature look is safe. My other blue-haired girl is a frizz-haired melanated sister like me. Me thinks she'll not be getting your look any time!
But you can always patent the look, he hee;-)

Jill Langhus
Aug 01
Aug 01

Ha. You're funny... love it:-)

I'm going fire red the next time, if I get the dye in time... time to switch up the game some more... August is the action month... more reinvention... more transformation... more growth.... let's do it...ha

Have a good one!

Nini Mappo
Aug 02
Aug 02

Wow! I'll keep an eye out for the unveiling of that bold, fiery reinvention, and aspire to grow to the same level of adventurousness with time...
You too Jill, see you around!

Jill Langhus
Aug 03
Aug 03

Ha. Okay, dear.

XX

Chi8629
Jul 30
Jul 30

Thank you sister for sharing.

Nini Mappo
Aug 02
Aug 02

Thank you Chi8629 for reading.

Kat Haber
Jul 31
Jul 31

Write on, Sistah!
You are making magic with your words.
We are in this together.

Nini Mappo
Aug 01
Aug 01

Indeed indeed Kat, and thank you!

This story was a gift. It came to me and would not let me sleep until i wrote it down. I hope that as many women read it and feel heard, supported, acknowledged, as we continue 'in this, together'.
Thank you for reading.

Marie Abanga
Aug 01
Aug 01

Nini,

I am so wowed by your prowess to type it down in such an unleashing way... SOAR Nini please keep them coming
Light and love all the way

Nini Mappo
Aug 02
Aug 02

Ahh Marie, you're too generous. This story was a gift. It came and wanted to be written and I could do no otherwise. Even when I read it I'm amazed. And if you asked me to write it now I could not! Thank you for the encouragement.

Unleashing way...I'll borrow that:)

Andrace
Aug 11
Aug 11

This is super cool, Nini. What an awesome gift you have from the one who holds the entire universe together. It's such a blessing that you joined the sisterhood of World Pulse. Thank you for connecting with every one through your enviable writing skills. Please, keep writing and making impact. :)