THE PAINFUL PILL

I sit here thinking about the day you said you loved me,the day you said if i do not marry you ,your life would have no meaning.
I sit here and think about the day i told you i was expecting our first baby,the kisses and the hugs you showered on me making love to me all over again....
I sit here and remember your unhidden tears of joy at the site of our new baby as you held her in your arms wondering if she would slip off.But even as I remember it all,my heart bleeds within me.My blood runs faster within my veins i can almost feel it,my breathing is so fast i can hardly take in enough air. I blamed myself each time you hit me,i found an excuse for you every time you insulted me,I let you cripple my self esteem,fracture my dreams and drain my pride.
I sit here and remember me lying on that hospital bed after you hit me enough times with your belt and the cooking stick.I sit here and remember me crying over my lost pregnancy after you pushed me and i fell on my tummy,the pain of loosing my baby too much to bear!
I sit here and remember you calling me a prostitute,a witch,a mistake,a bitch,good for nothing.....I swear this are my last tears and with them,I forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated lowly
I forgive myself for allowing you to treat me so badly
I forgive myself for believing you when you said you loved me
I forgive myself for not having had the strength to hold my head high
I forgive myself for letting you take away my self esteem
I forgive myself for not being able to tell you that I FORGIVE YOU BUT SORRY I WONT RETURN.....

DEDICATED TO THOSE IN HURTING RELATIONSHIPS.