The sorrow of single moms

OGA PRECIOUS
Posted December 5, 2020 from Nigeria

I will like to share the story of single moms with this community.

I am from Nigeria Ebonyi state, a lover of women especially the young girls, there's always this discrimination created between the single moms and the community, once you are a young girl and you mistakenly get pregnant without having a husband, everybody stands to isolate you, the see you as irrelevant, useless and that you can never make any meaning again to them. Nobody is trying to promote immorality here but what am saying in essence is that the make these girls feel miserable, nobody care about their education again or any skill acquisitions. If some of them are lucky enough they marry them off to old men. I believe every girl has equal right to obtain whatever it is that she desire irrespective of her challenges. I will be glad if world pulse look into this case. I believe there's still more things to achieve wether as a single mom or a single lady. Girls deserve the best, they didn't bring their own circumstances, this could be as a result of lack of guidance, counseling and mentorship

#HearTheVoiceOfSingleMoms

Comments 8

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Busayo Obisakin
Dec 05, 2020
Dec 05, 2020

Dear Precious
You are so correct with your assertions about the treatment of single mothers. They have the right to have a second chance to go back or embark on any vocation of their choice and it should not be the end of their lives to do well in life. I also feel your pains and we will continue to raise our voices to stop this shabby treatment of single Moms.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us
Love
Busayo

OGA PRECIOUS
Dec 06, 2020
Dec 06, 2020

Thanks so much for your understanding. Indeed we need to raise our voice to put this ill treatment to an end. Believe me if these girls should be given opportunity to sit up they will perform wonders.

jomarieb.earth
Dec 05, 2020
Dec 05, 2020

Dear Precious,
The stigma attached to single, young mothers is unfortunately worldwide throughout time. Even in the most so called sophisticated countries. How we deal with it starts very local. While the system and society is often condemning these young women, her peers often are the first to turn away from her. Most of the time the peers of these women turn their backs first. Because they don't want to end up the same or share in her shame. Rejection by the peers of these women is most profound, but acceptance by their peers, if possible, is life changing. Their peers who are unencumbered can speak up for them. They can help by doing simple things. They can help talk to the elder women whom are mean and judgmental. Talk to a teacher at school that needs to accept them in a special program, or schedule. Tutor the mother because she cannot always attend. Chat with a local grocer who should carry diapers, formula and baby products with uninflated prices. Support starts locally and grows. Most of all, listen to these young, single mothers. Many of them have no one to just talk to. Just saying...
Hugs...JoMarie

OGA PRECIOUS
Dec 06, 2020
Dec 06, 2020

This is actually true, I think if people should change their attitude towards them especially their peers and family they will feel accepted. I think another option is to run a campaign to enlighten people on the dangers of stigmatising them. Since this issue is none world wide, carrying out seminar or out reach can help to put an end to this.

jomarieb.earth
Dec 06, 2020
Dec 06, 2020

The issue has always been worldwide for centuries since the beginning of time. The differences can only begin with us. Our homes, neighborhoods. Today we have social media access and ability. Let me know when you start that campaign from your phone/desktop. Start it right here! Just saying sister.
"Be the change that you want to see in the world". Big hug....JoMarie

Tamarack Verrall
Dec 06, 2020
Dec 06, 2020

Dear Oga,
What we are not taught is that there are communities distant past and present in which women and girls are never treated so badly, no matter what. Men must step up to teach men and boys to respect women and girls. As women we have the amazing ability to give birth. All too often we are forced into it, tricked into it, seduced into it and then judged. It is the judgement and punishment that is what needs to stop. And the time to support single mothers everywhere. It is so god to know you are there, and love your #HearTheVoiceOfSingleMoms. Your voice is powerful and needed. I hope many young women read your words and/or get to hear and meet you in person.
In sisterhood,
Tam

Beth Lacey
Dec 15, 2020
Dec 15, 2020

I agree with what you have said. Every life has value and meaning

KABAHENDA KIGGUNDU
Dec 15, 2020
Dec 15, 2020

Thanks Olga for raising this important issue, particularly in Africa today. The stigma against single mothers goes back a long time and it exists/existed in all societies that is why in Western societies, such women gave up their children for adoption in order to escape the shame and stigma attached to being a single mother.

Nonetheless, the single mothers are women too. They too have rights and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of their circumstances.

As you rightly observe, these women did not choose to have pregnancies. In most cases, they are the result of rapes or immaturity as the young women are not often versed in ways of how to protect themselves against pregnancies, condoms are not available, non-acceptable, or not even talked about or encouraged.

The problem with African communities is that there too much "God and religion" without love and compassion!
Instead of showing kindness to single mothers and counselling and mentoring them to be good mothers, they tend to be stigmatized and ostracized - talk of communal EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

All to say that I applaud your for raising this issue, I encourage you to be voice of these voiceless woman, to inspire and motivate them and to reassure them that they have a future.

Being a single mother is not a crime, given resources and an enabling environment, these women can become successful at whatever they are trying to do.
Although poverty is also a big underlying factor in these unintended pregnancies, I believe that moral support is extremely powerful because without it, money may not be enough to alleviate the problems these single mothers face.

You are doing a wonderful job.Keep it up.

In sisterhood and solidarity.