My story strengthens my sisters

\"Please sister, meet me upstairs\" said my Pastor after my last session of training women and men about Violence against women at one of our Headquarter church during a yearly programme in our church.

I knew why I was summoned, because my mind revealed to me that it must have been about narrating my experience of abuse in the hands of my husband years ago.

My Pastor was not the only person who has told me to stop sharing my story, a fellow Women Right activist once challenged me for sharing my story too. According to her, repeating the past is a path to hell fire.
My pastor as expected preached about forgiveness and the shame in repeating the story while urging abused women to speak out and seek help if their life is in danger.

Why do I share my story?
Violence against women is a daily occurrence in my community. It is no respecter of any woman or girl. The only respect it grants is the type and how it is measured unto each victim. Some men/women give it in a single dose, double dosages, three times a day or annually as the case may be.

Our religion, culture and socialization has made mild of the experience by conferring the title of a father to the husband, therefore it is usual to see a man treat his wife like his child. Part of training a child is discipline the child.

So, marital discipline can come in the form of verbal, financial, psychological, denial of some rights or privileges etc
In most cases many people do not even count their abuse as an abuse anymore because it it who the father loves that he chastises. This is applicable to marriage too because the husband is the head. He leads as he is directed by friends, family members of secret foes.

My survivor story is my story, I own the experience and i share it wherever I go to show that men can change. An abused man can become a loving man is he is redirected to the path of peaceful coexistence.

My story is not to shame my husband but it is to celebrate his rebirth. He became a feminist, a celebrant of gender equality and a true ally of women rights; human right.
My story is a constant reminder to men who abuse their wives that long life, good health, prosperity and godly family is the resultant effect of equality in marriage.
My story is an exemplary story of transformation. It shows that the strength of a man can be channelled to building a mutual legacy of understanding and lasting love.

There is no love where fear abides. Every slap on your wife's face build up fear in the relationship and reduces the woman to an object in her life.
Your slap demeans your wife.
Your scream degenerates her self esteem
Your kick reduces her confidence in you
Your denying her pushes her out of your life

The hand of a man is long because it must wrap around and carry heavy duty loads. Your arm is not to be lifted against or to hit. The arm is meant for goodness and that is when it will harvest goodness in the marriage.

Way of escape
Escaping from marriage when your life is in danger is my gospel truth. If you tho k that your husband will kill you one day, he will. If you feel that your life is in danger, it is. If you believe that one day, your partner will strangle you to death in your sleep, he/she will.
If you know that your life is in danger. Run as far as your legs will carry you.

I believe in God. My faith may be different from yours, whatever gives you the strength to survive, hold on it firmly. I held unto my belief in God.

Secondly, I refused to kill my mouth. Some people have died only in their mouths. I was alive only in my mouth, this was transferred to my pen. I kept on writing my experience.

My sisters
Hmm, there is power in sisterhood. This is different from those who believed in women are their worst enemies. No, I did not believe in that philosophy.
I reported to my sister, my sibling, she told me to keep it a secret, go into the war room and pray for him. Do t get me wrong, I do not believe in praying while I live in bitterness daily. I prefer to pray to God In peace and love. Everybody should be trained to pray for herself or himself. Nobody is responsible for anyone's lack of self control.

So, I spoke to my global sisters. My loving and powerful sisters who hold me too dear and who do not tolerate violence against their sister.
As I usually write, every woman deserves a network of support that is made up of women amd men who believe in equality.

Magic

The only magic to ending violence against women is equality. As lo g as ignorant people continue to believe in a lower being, equality will reign and so long as there is reign of equality, there will be violence because Inequality breeds injustice and violence.

Joy
There is joy where love reigns. There is joy where peace reigns. There is joy where there is mutual understanding and equality. There is joy in a home where true friendship is key. There is joy in a home where God leads and the wife and husband allows ho to reign. There is joy and happiness in a home where mutual respect super cedes cultural bias and dogmatic belief.

My story of survival shall continually be told in order to rescue other sisters who believe that folding your hands over your head when your husband beats you is a sign of respect because your husband is your head and becoming headless means that one is acting in accordance with religious and cultural beliefs. Nay, if a home needs a single head, women would have been created Headless.
Women would have been all trunk and legs if men are the heads.

Violent men can change, they can become sweet, supportive, peaceful, harmonious and glorious being as they were created to be of they can reject the dictates of patriarchy and embrace loving, appreciating and living of life to the fullest without the baggage of bullying.

Gender based violence can be eliminated if all violent partners in the home can change. It is possible. My husband is a perfect example. Today, he is an embodiment of hope, love and Change that our world desperately clamor.
Each day break do I love and cherish him, now I can pray for him daily, because I am now a new woman. We became better partners when violence left our marriage. We are full of love and life, not slaps, hatred and nagging. No. Never Again.

We can make change happen, if an when we decide.