One day she returned suddenly. I left all hope about her before and may be she also forgot me alike. It is normal. I was never able to give her anything that will help to remember me. But I could not find out any reason to ask about her sudden arrival. The question, rather, appeared to me as a fun. Why she will not be able to come to her own house? I observed her and tried to understand whether she will remain here or not. I could understand the balance probabilities of her going and remaining here is equal. She had very tired eyelids, eyesight is frosty, face is pale, no beauty in hair, lips are dried. When she moves with a measured step then I think myself to be responsible for all these things. I thought myself to be a criminal and then I let down my eye, because, I ...
She stares to me giving with a oblique glance, tries to see understand me from my inside and it becomes easy to me to understand how much her frosty stares are sharp and then in my known surroundings I started to be embarrassed. Sometimes I feel myself to be so helpless that I want to go to her to talk. But without any reason I thought that she would not talk with me. I stop me from doing this.
It is also fact that I saw her with oblique glance. But it does not create any effect upon her. As if she an orator before millions of audiences, as normal as a free minded artist before the camera and then I stuck up a little. I bring down my eyes. How much I can continue to remain like this and at times I started feeling bewildered.
She does not care for that. She remains in her own way. I also try to accept the situation. Because at this right moment I could find no alternative. I doubt she can laugh and even I doubt she can have tears in eyes. She appears to be an inanimate matter and her eyesights are the only proof of her being a living thing. If this would not have been then I would consider her to be without body and may be with my last ability I escape away from this place.
While going out for work I gave an oblique glance to her and I understand that she is also marking my going out. I stared at her and expected to be both having straight look each other. But she avoided this very easily. With no attachment we both gave good-bye to each other. But it is true that it entered to heart and emotion and soundless support cared with body. When I was in the way then suddenly I felt myself meaningless, with no value. I remained standing for a while without any reason. As if this is not against the will, but killing time with no specific aim.
This may not be termed as meaningless and at the same time no reason exists there. I could not understand my arrival to the office remaining in deep thought. This is the first time I felt my office room lifeless. It appeared before me as a very undesired place, having no comfort. The room is since long of my own and now at a moment it became undesired and lifeless. I thought when I shall be in the office I shall get my sense and emotion as before. But it is like disappearance of the colorful evening. I don't no the reason as to why I felt that I have left myself at the home and that is to her. This is the first time I felt the attachment of heart with her. I thought that the blood circulation system to the both of our bodies is from one heart and the same lungs are for two and both of us have only one pair of eyes. I felt myself very much bewildered and again and again I wanted to run out from the office room to go to her. But for the reason not known to me it was not being possible. My respiration was being stopped with a strong pressure of hands of anybody not known and I drank the whole glass of water kept beside me.
When I came out from the office I ran to my residence. I was so eager to see her that I thought the passers-by all know my desire and very soon this will be news and will spread throughout the town. Yet I ran to the residence and decided to talk with her.
After arrival I went to the upper through staircase hurriedly. I did not remember the advice of the doctor. The doctors and seniors of my office were all no factor to me then. I went to the door of the room where she resides. She was being seen through the thin curtain and yet I removed the curtain with two hands and then bowing forward a little I could see her from the door. I could find her nothing than the portrait of the soul.
I was staring with no stop to her. I could not understand how much solar years by this time passed and when I could come to sense then her eyes were generous and I am nothing but a criminal. I tried to escape.
When I went to my room then I apprehend somebody came here before. I was staring my eyes round the room as an observer standing on the floor and I was able to find out some disparities. I am not telling anything about ugly but it was not consistent as before. Particularly the books on the table, those she tried to arrange very carefully but she was not able to suppress the radical changes.
The place she used in my bed to sit has been sharply arranged to keep it in its original shape, but that could be detected. When I opened my drawer then I could easily understand that she has had my diary in her hands. I could laugh a helpless laugh. So hurriedly I forgave her that in that sudden moment it was not possible to make any little change in the solar system. I felt earnest desire to see her for a moment again and at that moment a photograph fell from the diary on the floor. I took it and stared to it without break. This is a photograph of her early age. So superb! I thought I have never seen such a sacred face in my life.
I kept the photo in the same place as before. So that if she wants to take it back then she might not require much strain to find out. I felt that she has not given this to me as a gift or presentation. May be this is only to see. May be it is very dear to her and at the same time she wants to show me and not is impossible that she has only one of this. In the dining table the arrangement of today could make a sense of image of care in spite of utmost try to escape the same.
I laid down on my bed for rest. I felt myself like a feather without weight. My constant eyes remained hanging with the roof like the net of the spider.
In the deep of the night I wake up for feeling a touch on my body. A very soft touch near the foot. As soon as I moved she fled away like a fairy hurriedly. I wake up and sat on the bed. I wished to go to her room and give her consolation and also I inform that I have not become annoyed. But I stopped myself then and then. May be it may be more undesirable. She may also be annoyed for this. If she wants to hide anything then I should give her opportunity to do so. It is also a question of formality. Again I laid down on the bed. The sky of the night appeared in my eyes in the imagination and I could find three stars out of enumerable stars in the sky. One is very recent and so soft yet and week, helpless. The remaining two stars are surrounding the new once. Suddenly cloud came from somewhere and the rapacious open wide mouth swallowed the stars and they still are searching in the deep of the cloud.
In the morning no face-to-face appearance happened. Very carefully she kept herself hidden and also I gave her the opportunity. Very carefully I completed all my morning works and set out for the office. When I was in the road then bunch of gentle breeze touched my heart and that gave me abundant comfort to me.
I entered the office with the mind that in some way shall complete my office hour and shall come out. I was so busy with my work that on completion of the work I shall get leave. My old room mate worker laughed at me and told
- So, what Mr. Zamil. To day you seemed to be more delightful than other days.
- I laughed with my full pleasure hearing him and he took my laugh as my answer and he also laughed a little.
After coming out of the office I directly proceed towards a shop. I purchased many presentations for her according to my choice. All the bags in my hands were full of presentation items. I purchased a beautiful card and on it I could write only one sentence. Then I set the card in a bunch of flowers and proceeded to the residence.
Immediately after entering the house I went to her room, but she was not there. I was shocked in my heart and then I went to my room.
There was none in this room also. Then where she went? Suddenly I saw a paper on the table under the weight. I left the bag on the floor and took the paper in my hand. There was a little letter.
I came to know only whether my mother made any mistake or not. I have known which I needed to know. I love you dad.
I cried shouting the name Neela and that cry like roar of the ocean came out of my heart rapaciously and breaking my ribs it went out. I surrendered to my luck like an innocent child. This is the first time I forgot myself. But when her mother went taking her then I was cool and constantly static. But what happened today!
A shadow figure came out of the curtain. That idol portrait once only called with wet voice, Dad!
And then came to embrace me like unparallel speed. Embraced her strongly in my chest with two hands. I could feel that today I have become able to get my heart in my two hands. I lost all sense. Neela is continuously crying. Again and again I only told the words I wrote in the card-
- 'I love you my dear girl.'