Happy New Year!
Each one of us has been hurt by our loved ones in one way or another and naturally our instincts tell us to hurt them back. We opt to take the easier route of ignoring the hurt or problem or erect a wall of bitterness towards our loved ones even when we know it is a temporary solution to a bigger problem.
Our loved ones may have hurt us consciously or subconsciously in several ways such as; your parent may have favored your sibling over you, your husband may constantly beat you, your spouse may have occasionally cheated on you, your lover may have denied the pregnancy, your lover may not take parental responsibility, your close friend may have broken your marriage, your partner may have abandoned you in time of need, your mother in law may have called you barren, your ex-wife may have tricked you to raise a child that you didn’t sire, your partner may have robbed you off your wealth, your partner may not involve you in plans that would affect the family, you may have found out your husband has another family. Being human, to be specific emotional beings, such scenarios pierce our hearts so much that it only makes sense to seek revenge as the better option at that particular time. When we look at them all we see is the offense they committed, what we don’t reckon is for how long are we going to revenge? What difference will it make if we choose to forgive? What will we benefit from revenging? Are we solving the problem? How do we start the process of forgiveness?
How powerful is forgiveness?
Personally I have met people in my life who have hurt me to a point where I felt I did not want to set my eyes on them, I did not want to hear them utter any letter of the alphabet to me, I wished I could pull a trigger on them (thank God I had no gun), I saw them and was disgusted, I remembered the offense and had tears balancing in my eyes, but what did I do? Yes, you guessed right, I thought of being bitter and revenging but eventually chose to forgive which helped.
Having gone through some hurtful events I came to realize that the less we ruminate on the offense and feed our anger, the easier it becomes to forgive.
I believe it is very important not only to know that man is to error but to understand that phrase, we need to understand that nobody is perfect and one is capable of hurting the other either intentionally or un-intentionally. Just as the Indian proverb states that some people make themselves taller by cutting the head of others, their joy is just to make the other party feel low, some are just incapable of giving unconditional love, it is important to understand that it is not your fault and it will never be, therefore, choosing to see the problem from a different perspective other than revenge will do us good: forgiving.
Yes, forgiving even when he or she is not sorry for doing you wrong is necessary as it helps one in overcoming feelings of anger, bitterness. Sometimes it is important to think of ourselves and look forward to a happier and more peaceful life and of course stronger beings as Mahatma Gandhi put it, “Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
When we opt to forgive it doesn’t necessarily mean; we pretend like it didn’t happen or run from it, it doesn’t mean we are condoning the act and giving more room for the same offense, it does not mean we lost the battle, it doesn’t mean we want to reconcile, it doesn’t mean we will forget. It simply means we value our inner peace and want to win the war not the battle, it means we are courageous and strong enough to make that sacrifice in that we choose the more difficult path which is a long process and not for the faint hearted, it is a decision that an individual has to make and work towards achieving the result and we choose to make it.
Yes, it is very hard to forgive especially if the offense by your loved one is big; I mean how do you start acting normally after you have discovered horrible things about your spouse? How do you live with somebody who lost your trust? How do you live with somebody who physically abuses you? How?
I can almost bet forgiveness is a better option to you no matter the situation. Think about it this way, you discover your spouse has been cheating on you and opt to create drama in the house and give him a cold shoulder or insult him; does it make you feel better?
You were molested growing up as a child and opt to be bitter about it and sleep around with any man that comes your way; does it make you feel better?
Your lover denied the pregnancy on your first trimester and you opt to be dramatic about it, cry every night and terminate the pregnancy; does it make you feel better?
You find out your husband took a loan to buy a house without informing or involving you and you opt to stay angry about it and argue every evening , does it make you feel better?
The other alternative of forgiveness never makes us feel better, if it does, temporarily.
It is a free choice to forgive or not, but you can usually make a cost-analysis for it.
Put forgiveness in your to do list this year and thank me later. It is a tough decision to make, but it’s worth it.
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