Rewriting my story

Pam A
Posted July 14, 2020 from United States

Hi, my name is Pam, and I’m a recovering co-dependent, people-pleasing, peace-keeper. Those were my three major roles and I played them all very well. They were my safe place to hide, my excuse for not stepping out of my comfort zone, and my rationale for later becoming a helicopter mom of the highest order. Those roles lived in some pretty “wicked” stories that I created.

There’s something else you should know…

I’ve been on a quest since the time I was about 10 years old when I read my first self-help book, “TA for Tots”. A quest to figure out how to stop all the crappy stories that played on a loop in my head. The stories that ultimately kept me (as an adult) a co-dependent, people-pleasing, peace-keeper and someone I ultimately wasn’t.

And the thing is, I didn’t have some catastrophic event that turned my life around. I’ve not led a tragic life filled with one dramatic event after another.

I have, however, experienced situations, people, circumstances, words, and actions that helped me to craft those pretty “wicked” stories that kept me feeling less than and settling. But rather than blame anyone or anything, I’d like to take this opportunity to say one thing...

THANK YOU!

Yes, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to every experience. Thank you to every significant person in my life who unknowingly said something or did something that helped me to craft every single story that I’ve ever told; the crappy ones, and the good ones. If it weren’t for each of you, I wouldn’t be here and I most certainly wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

A woman who is proud of who she is, who is comfortable in her own skin. A woman who recognizes and celebrates that she has come a long way from that co-dependent, people-pleasing, peace-keeping person trying desperately to fit in. I’m finally owning who I am and sharing who I am unapologetically. That includes my fondness for most things “woo”, my introverted ways, and my obsession with personal development books of all kinds.

What’s even cooler, I now recognize the stories that have tried to convince me that I’m “less than” or undeserving of happiness, love, success, and peace so that I can rewrite them. So, I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to use the fires I've walked through to help another woman walk through her own, because at the end of the day, we were meant to shine.

We were meant to do extraordinary things! We were meant to be our most authentic, beautiful selves and rewrite those crappy stories that try to convince us otherwise. It's from that place of empowerment that we'll continue to change the world and pave the way for other women to go from powerless to powerful.

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 32

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Chi8629
Jul 15
Jul 15

And we are grateful to have you here beautiful Sister . Welcome to worldpluse .
Congratulations on your first post. Thank you for sharing .
We love you so much .

Pam A
Jul 15
Jul 15

Thank you so much, Chi8629! I am so grateful to be here and for your kind words! You made my day! Much love and light to you!!

Jill Langhus
Jul 15
Jul 15

Hi Pam,

Welcome to World Pulse! What a lovely outlook, and drive for improvement/growth, you have. You're like me in that you realized the old system of people pleasing and co-dependency wasn't working. I'm getting to the place where you're at. I'm currently listening to an AVAIYA summit on co-dependency. I used to think it was just something my parents had, but a lot of what they're saying resonates. Luckily I've been working on myself for quite some time, but phew, what a process.

I'm looking forward to hearing more about your work, and how you would like to help others on the forum. There are a lot of women within the community looking for mentors, for instance.

I hope you have a great, rest of the week.

Pam A
Jul 15
Jul 15

Jill, thank you so much for your kind response. Working on ourselves is a process for sure, but such a rewarding one. My hat is off to you for the work that you're doing to change the co-dependent narrative!! Keep it up and do reach out if I can of support in any way. I hope you have an amazing rest of your week!! Much love and light!

Jill Langhus
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi there:-)

You're very welcome! Thank you. I'm a little demoralized right now because I thought I was further along in my healing journey, albeit the last stage of my healing journey. I didn't a couple of quizzes to see where I was at, and I'm feeling a little disappointed. Oh well. Complacency isn't an option.

Thanks again!

Hope you have a good weekend.

Pam A
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi Jill,

The fact that you're creating the awareness around where you are is AWESOME! I can appreciate the disappointment, however. But I think it's so cool that you're willing to look at where you are so you can make the choices for you that will help you continue to heal. Keep up the amazing work!! And Sister, you are so right...complacency isn't an option because we don't ever grow from a place of complacency. Here's to some magical growth and healing!!

Jill Langhus
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi Again:-)

Thanks so much! I love your enthusiasm and support!

Do you think that you can't get beyond co-dependency without the aid of a 12 step program, therapist or support group? I found this nugget of information intriguing and a little disturbing, too! Ha. Oh, you can private message me, if you feel more comfortable with that:-)

Pam A
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi Jill, I really think it depends on the person, actually. What works for one may not always work for another. I actually went to a 12-step program and went through therapy, they helped me to a point...which was awesome. I then got to a point where through working with my own coach on my own self-awareness that, that helped a great deal. I think, for me at least, it was a matter of finding what resonated. The critical piece is being committed to changing and taking actions to stop the cycle of co-dependency.

Jill Langhus
Jul 17
Jul 17

Yeah, that's what I think. I thought it was a rather hard lined answer. Interesting. Thanks for sharing your experience, process and what worked for you. I agree on commitment and taking actions.

Pam A
Jul 17
Jul 17

You're so welcome. :) Thank you for asking!

Jill Langhus
Jul 18
Jul 18

You're welcome! If you come across any good "becoming free of co-dependency" tools/resources that work, please send them my way.... I would be grateful.

Pam A
Jul 18
Jul 18

Hi Jill, you got it. :) Speaking of resources, have you ever read any of Melody Beattie's books? If not, here's her website: https://melodybeattie.com/
She has some great resources there.

I've read her book "Co-dependency No More" and found it to be helpful.

Jill Langhus
Jul 20
Jul 20

Hi Pam,

Thanks for sharing this resource. I will check it out. I haven't read any of her books before.

Pam A
Jul 20
Jul 20

Hi Jill, you are so welcome. :)

Jill Langhus
Jul 22
Jul 22

Hope you have a great, rest of the week!

Pam A
Jul 22
Jul 22

Thank you so much, Jill. You too. :)

Jill Langhus
Jul 24
Jul 24

You're welcome, and thanks!

XX

Pam A
Jul 24
Jul 24

Absolutely! Much love and light to you. :)

Hello, Pam,

Welcome to World Pulse! What a joy that a new voice from the US is rising up!

Co-dependent, people-pleaser, and peacemaker. Those words describe me as well. I experience a series of traumatic events in this life.

Thanks to this community for being instrumental in helping me process a lot of issues. It's not an easy to break away from those "comfort zones", but I'm learning to prioritize self-love and self-care this time.

You are so brave to share your story. I look forward to reading more from you and to learning from your journey. Please keep on writing!

Welcome again to our growing sisterhood!

Pam A
Jul 15
Jul 15

Hi Karen,
Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate it. I'm so pleased to hear that you're prioritizing self-love and self-care. So much of our own healing and growth comes from our ability to love who we are from the inside to the outside. To rewrite some of the negative narrative that we're either adopted or created based on our experiences. One of the things that I know for certain, we're not walking through any of these fires alone, as you've expressed in your post. With that said, if I can be of support, please don't hesitate to reach out. Much love and light to you.

Anita Shrestha
Jul 15
Jul 15

Thank you for sharing

Pam A
Jul 16
Jul 16

Anita, you're most welcome. Thank you for reading my post. :)

Thelma obani 2020
Jul 16
Jul 16

Beautiful write up.
Very inspiring and interesting to read.
Welcome to world pulse

Pam A
Jul 16
Jul 16

Thelma, thank you so very much! I really appreciate it.

Shirin Dalaki
Jul 16
Jul 16

I love the picture you posted Pam...
Welcome to WP. We are happy you are here and enjoyed reading your post. Place of empowerment is a good place to be at.

Pam A
Jul 16
Jul 16

Shirin, thank you so much!! :) I appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

Arem
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi Pam,
Thank you for sharing your story! Yay to you!!!! You certainly should be proud of who you are and comfortable in your own skin!!! :) I always wish for women to have this belief and confidence in themselves. As you said, "We were meant to shine. We were meant to do extraordinary things!" Right on sister!!
You are an inspiration and I'm sure many reading your story will realise that they too can start to love themselves for who they are and let their light shine brightly.
I hope to read more of your stories.
Have an awesome weekend.
Take care and much love to you!

Pam A
Jul 17
Jul 17

Arem, thank you so much! I truly appreciate your kind words. Our own growth is definitely a journey but the awesome thing is we don't have to go it alone...so glad to be surrounded by such a loving and supportive community. I hope you have a great weekend as well. Love and light!

Nab
Jul 22
Jul 22

"I’m a recovering co-dependent, people-pleasing, peace-keeper". I teared up the moment I read that line. Guess it struck a nerve.

I amazed how you are positively using these stories. Thank you for writing this. It gives me hope.

Pam A
Jul 23
Jul 23

Nab, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my post. Sending love and light to you.

Nini Mappo
Jul 25
Jul 25

Hello Pam,
Your vulnerability in sharing your story is beautiful! I think your being able to admit to yourself and also publicly to who you used to be, without apology or trying to hide behind that person anymore is confirmation that you are growing into yourself. And to be able to recognise the lies that might try to drag you back in there is such a powerful weapon against them. Good on you!

Pam A
Jul 26
Jul 26

Bless you, Nini. Thank you so much for your very kind comment. I truly appreciate it. Much love and light to you.