Womanhood always had you in me

Poornam Foundation
Posted September 19, 2019
Womanhood always had you in me

This is a story of my life which i would like to reveal as my most intimate experiences of life which has made me the most complete women in my own self. Would you like to meet a woman who when was in womb of a mother was an unwanted child and because now it was difficult to terminate the pregnancy the child was carried in the womb and then delivered with lot of resentment. The story starts from here, it was nobody's decision to deliver me but my own decision to come in this world to experience everything by myself. Then born and brought up in a most educated and fine family yet there were traces of girl child being looked upon lesser than a boy. especially in my house so every kind of support, leavey and freedom was given to the boy but as a girl my freedom had a definition to make me all rounder to prepare myself for the life. The preparation was only for me and not for the boy child in the house. Nevertheless this preparation helped me and made me tougher in everything i did that is from education to sports or household things a girl is supposed to know very well. It was an elevation yet suppression. I experienced freedom with restrictions. I felt I am strong yet weak. I felt I had a voice yet had no voice. So I finished the rest of the journey to make myself professionally competent and found a guy whom I thought of settling down. Typical Indian way with parental blessings got married and entered into the new world. As I stepped into the new world I experienced daniel from my In laws because of my not being from the same caste / community. There was minimum freedom to move into the house with no acceptance.  being a naive and not knowing the worldly ways I felt my focus should be on my career and child so ignored the discrimination and continued with my own life. In few years of my life I started experiencing something wrong in my marriage life. To my surprise i discovered lack of interest from my husband in me. The denial of woman in me but acceptance of a role in me. I became workaholic and engaged myself in career to accomplish everything to satisfy my ego. Found my achievements and approvals from those platforms as source of happiness. This went on for years and one day I felt this is affecting our only son so we must keep him away from our differences. So sent my son who was the only source of love to the hostel. I became more recluse and more determine to do much more in my career. These all experiences made me realise every person in my life has come for some reason otherwise I am a solo traveller of life and my destination is yet to come. I have to keep walking without drifting away. My husband and myself were in good terms in spite of relational issues.  At age 45 I discovered that he was in love with another woman. I went through turmoil and realised how much time have I wasted by being a loyalist in every role I played. These experiences of life made me discover myself as my own being without any close relation or close ties yet everyone in my life had some role to play. This opened up my life towards exploring myself beyond roles and relations. This made me more compassionate and humble because there was nobody left with whom I could either go or fight. No one was my enemy and no was my close. A tight spot of life gave me the biggest freedom of life. I had almost left all my best friends in this journey and only acquaintances were with me who were again with me for some purpose. This is just a surface level glimpse. There are many more stories and experiences within this journey which I have not mentioned here then it will be more like a book. 

Today I am 50 years old more energetic, sorted, wise and young in my heart. Thriving on my life, no regrets and resentment but gratitude towards life for giving me tough lessons of life, in one lifetime. I embraced my life with compassion towards everything and everyone around me. When I look back I have gone through the various challenges women go through in different stages of their life as a daughter, sister, wife, daughter in law, friend, lover, mother, working woman, as a woman in midst of all the things that are happening around you. This made me realise the various stages of life for a woman and her issues. I felt I lived life of many women in one lifetime and again went back to my originself. It made me experience how culturally our life gets woven into it. However, the biggest breakthrough I found when I realised and found freedom in myself.

This freedom connected me to myself, it prompted me to research a lot on Women and Gender. Started helping many women and established my own foundation name POORNAM FOUNDATION, Poornam means completeness. This is to help those women who are struggling with the role based issues and unable to get any assistance to start a fresh in life. We help women find completeness in themselves so there is no struggle with roles based dependency. One is able to take balanced decision of life with freedom. 

Once the freedom is found then it follows with many other qualities required to live quality life. 

Also have written a book name #ELANWOMAN which is translated into a travel program "Explore Life Through Travel" this is with those women who may not be going through issues yet looking for freedom. It's a fun, joy, experience and light program with life experiences. 

We also support "HeforSHe" UN WOMEN initiative to train Men and Boys on Gender Awareness and how can they play a major role. 

You can connect me if you want to volunteer or be part of any of our programs. I reside in India, Maharashtra, Thane. My number 9820012052

This story was submitted in response to GirlForce: Unscripted and Unstoppable.

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