You destroyed his future then killed him to acquire his wealth

Jane
Posted June 24, 2019 from South Africa

Loss of spouse is one of the most negative life events, next only to the loss of a child (Bennett et al., 2005). Ironically, the disorganization and trauma that follow the death of a spouse seem to be greater in women than in men whenever either looses their spouse (Fasoranti et al., 2007).

I was married young at the age of 19, my 2nd year at varsity and my late husband was on his 4th year studying to be a medical doctor. My first man, who decided to convert his medical studies to be a health researcher instead of waiting for another 4 years to complete his medical studies. He decided to shorten his studies acknowledging our first baby on the way and that I was dropping off. unknowingly did didn't sits well with my in-laws and lived like a timed bomb waiting to explode. Though my late husband and I lived a happily life and failed to notice any anger or recentness from his parents "for making him drop off his medicine school" until when he passed away due to ignored kidney failure when our 2nd son was only 3 years.

After my late husband died, before his burial, I was already kicked out of our home by his elder sister who placed his unemployed son to be the next owner of our home. I was reminded how i ruined his life by dropping out of his medicine school only to be a health researcher who died ignoring his health while working hard to please me. Reminded that if it wasn't for my ignorant, he would still be alive and graduated to be a doctor to marry a woman of his status. I was told that technically i killed him and I dont deserve anything with his name tag on it. It was never considered that I also dropped out of university, being an innocent girl who knew nothing and became a mother and wife at the age of 19. It was never considered that being kicked our of the place I called home for myself and their grandchildren and that we loved each other for the whole 10 years in marriage and 5 years in a relationship without a fight or hear any complains from us as a couple. Now he is gone and not around to defend me like he used to, and not around to tell his family he loved and married me for better for worse. Now I couldn't bury my friend, my husband, my confidante and father of my children because I am a "witch and a killer" I have now to be on the street without considering that both my husband and I build that home together as I was also working and helping to provide.

Though there were papers and will to proof everything was left for me and my kids, I lost that will of fighting, knowing it would end up taking my own life and live my kids without a parent. I let them have everything and let them took over to be able to raise my 2 boys in that one room I rented and left my 4 bedroom for the family who knew nothing how we got there. My only prayer to God was to give me strength and life to raise my then first was who was 10 years old and my young 2nd son of 3 years who are currently grown, married and 2 grand children. I had to go look for my late husband's grave to say my last good byes of which that would always be my most painful experience I can ever erase in my heart and mind especially with the love we both shared. To know that he is gone but never been given the opportunity to say my last good byes for the reason I had no control of. 

The whole experience of which I cannot write the whole story here taught me that, despite advances in standard of living especially in our communities, the condition of widows remains deplorable in society.  Understanding that the situation is worse in developing nations with their unique social, cultural and economic milieu, which at times ignores the basic human rights of this vulnerable section of society. A gap exists in life expectancies of men and women but mostly women who are the ones who suffered the most in both developing and developed nations. The fact that widowed women suffer from varying psychological stressors is often ignored. Psychiatric illnesses like depression, anxiety and substance dependence are the main silent killer decease which we go through and being ignored by our society or overlooked. As a widow, you every move is marked, you are labeled as a killer, husband snatcher and all the painful names one can think of just because your partner is not longer with you and you dont deserve to be happy again or look after yourself to look good for your own family to avoid being called name like "you killed him to be with another or you killed him to acquire his wealth. A change in mindset of the society is required before we as widowed women get our rightful place, for which a strong will is needed in the minds of the people, and in law-governing bodies.

This story was submitted in response to International Widows' Day.

Comments 10

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Lisbeth
Jun 24
Jun 24

Good you are a living example. They called you a witch and all sorts of abusive names. My point is why will a loving wife killed her husband (her precious gift). Thanks for sharing. Please try and sign my petition so together will help bring about the needed change in the future.

https://www.worldpulse.com/community/users/lisbeth/posts/91137

Jane
Jul 18
Jul 18

Thank you my sister and noted the petition, we surely need to this. God bless

Lisbeth
Jul 20
Jul 20

Welcome, pls do not forget my petition. I still need more signatures. Have a nice weekend.

Jill Langhus
Jun 24
Jun 24

Hi Jane,

Welcome back, dear! Thanks for sharing your vulnerable and sad story with us. It's so sad that his family treated you like that. How have your family treated you around the whole death of your husband? I hope they weren't horrible, too? It's just so sad, wrong, and completely unjustifiable how widows can and do get treated. I hope this turns around during my lifetime.

I hope you're having a good day, dear. I'm looking forward to seeing more stories from you.

Beth Lacey
Jun 25
Jun 25

I am so sorry that you have to endure all this. Sending you hope

Jane
Jul 18
Jul 18

Thank you Beth, I guess it is true that, something that wont kill you makes you more stronger. Humbled

leila Kigha
Jun 29
Jun 29

thank you for sharing your story with us.
when i read i see my mother in most of the stories and am glad that you are among the few who are strong to live through such inhumane treatments. Keep raising your voice for every widow suffering oppression.

Jane
Jul 18
Jul 18

Thank you Lela, humbled. We just need to stand and support each other as Women of the nation.

Hello, Jane,

Thank you for the bravery to speak your truth. I’m sorry that you lost your husband in an early age. It must reallt be difficult to lose the man you love and the best friend you cherish for years. It’s all the more heartbreaking that you were accused as the killer of the love of your life. What kind of reasoning is that?

How strong you are to survived that emotional abuse from your in-laws. Thank you for sharing your story!

Marie Abanga
Jul 20
Jul 20

Dear Jane,

Look at you today, they thought they could kill your spirit of resilience? One day such evil practices would stop. Yes, women in my opinion suffer from such practices more than men, I mean a man would be encouraged to remarry asap even. Thank you for sharing your story which is such an awareness raising one