From the Ashes I have Risen - Journey to self discovery

Jane
Posted July 17, 2019 from South Africa

It is funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at different times and places, our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion, observations and hope. This is a design of God that I appreciate and cherish. Again and grateful and humbled for being given this platform of sharing my life with some of my fellows who might have experienced the same experience. Thank you World Pulse. It has always been my wish and dream to possible write a book about my life and find this being a good platform to share my journey of life.

My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me or defeated me; it has only strengthened me. A a woman of Faith and grew up with faith, I have always told myself that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. We need to be cautious with what we feed our minds and soul. We need to fuel ourselves with positivity and let that fuel propel us into positive action.

I was born into a family of four, my elder sister, brother, myself and my younger sister. My mother was into polygamy marriage and being the 2nd wife. My family was neither rich or poor. My father was a loving daddy however, I used to ask myself if I was indeed both my parent's daughter. Being the darkest (in skin colour) among my siblings, I was always treated differently and harshly. The love which portrayed to my siblings was totally different to what I was receiving especially from my mother. I was always called "Mnyamane" which means dark skin in a harsh way. Nothing good I did made a different to my mother or ever acknowledged. The good thing is, I have always been the smartest and clever at school of which that's where i used to get praises and acknowledgement which kept me going to see that I matter to God and other people. It came to a point where I had to be sent to live with my grand mother (from my father's side). It wasn't an easy move as I had to adapt from the rural area and being from the urban area, however, I must say I have no regret at this stage and came as an extra bonus in my life. From city lights and electricity to candle and picking fire woods and floor fire, this was an amazing experience as I grew fond of and this helped to to understand more about rural life, its people, how they live, how they struggle and how they overcome those struggle and all look normal to me in the end.

It was a hard a difficult journey but love conquered all, to live among the people who understand how to mix soil and water to stop your tummy from from grumbling yet wake up the next morning full of hope and faith that "today is another day" a miracle can happen at anytime, that humbled me so much and realized that not all the riches of the world;d can buy you true happiness. My grandmother would cook porridge and peel an orange and said "let us eat my grand daughter" because that was offered with love it tasted more than a grilled chicken I left behind at my parents home in the city. I learned to go fetch water and carry a 20 litre bucket on my head, go fetch fire wood, collected cow waste to use as our home paint and cement, make floor fire and cook and still studies with a candle light and that made me a woman that I am today and I believe I can survive anywhere in the world, through mosquitoes and drought I will forever remain standing. I can walk in any dessert yet survive its harshness compared to what I gave seen and gone through to be the person that I am today.

The positive outcome of this, I am the only one who managed to get her matric certificate and married her 1st husband while still a virgin. I managed to see the university doors even though I dropped out on my 2nd year due to financial problems where my parents didnt care about my educational needs whereas my siblings were enrolled in expensive private schools yet failed to complete their matric studies. I had to get married young because I needed a sense of belonging and love I have never experienced and my late husband happened to be that angel sent from heaven to sweep me off my feet and to live happily after till death do us part. I am today a proud mother of three but left with two boys as my daughter passed tragically. I am part of International Women Magazines and their shareholder, that dark skinned referred as Mnyamane and ugly has turned out to be the most beautiful woman inside out who is now a graduate with B Com Marketing and honours in Business Management, the name "ugly and Mnyamane didnt define my future but my positive attitude did.  From the dark ashes I have risen. I must confess that right now I am in the process of opening a new private school which will cater for the same education as the "rich and famous private school" for the community at a affordable rate as we all know that Private schools are only associated with those with big pockets.

I have forgotten the harshness and only focusing on the good which came out of that harshness, I have forgiven and giving back love to those who hated me for the reason unknown to me as I was the only child and believed I was brought into this world with love. The truth is, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. We all make mistakes, have struggles and even regret things in our past. But if we learn that we are not the mistakes, we are not the struggles and we are NOW with the power to shape our day and our future. We can renew ourselves, release and let go of the past. Yesterday is gone. There is nothing we can do to bring it back. All i could say right now is, there is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being  apologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection, to me that is the true essence of beauty.

Steven Maroboli, in his book he say "I quote" if you hang with the chickens you are going to cluck and if you hand with the eagles, you are going to fly. Don't let your past define who you are, don't let your lacking or poverty life define who you are, don't let the negative opinion of others define who you are, live your truth, express your love, share your enthusiasm, take action towards your dreams, walk your talk, dance and sing yo your own music, in that manner you will not feel the peer pressure from others. Embrace your blessings and make your today worth remembering.

Till this day, I live the phrase/quote which says I will live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil will look at me and say " aw goat, she is up" through it all I have experienced in my life, the pain and some joy, through depression of losing people closer to my heart, my Iate husband, a man I first experienced the taste of love, my beautiful only daughter, i have taught myself I will continue to plant the seed of happiness, hope, success and love and the rest will come back to me in abundance and this is surely the law of nature. As long I have accepted that I am no or I wasnt a victim, no matter what I have been through as a child and growing up, I am still here. I might  have been challenged, hurt, betrayed, beaten  and discouraged BUT NOTHING DEFEATED ME. I might have been delayed by not been given the education I deserved as a child from any parent BUT not denied because I managed to make it on my own, their denial didn't stop the university to accept me hence saying I refused to be the victim by a victor and I have a history of victory and from the dark ashes I have risen.

I will still continue going around motivating, sharing and showing love to my fellow women and my community and to make them understand that 1st love yourself and that same reflection will reflect back to you thousand times. 

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 28

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Jill Langhus
Jul 17
Jul 17

Hi Jane,

Wow! Thanks for sharing your very inspiring and uplifting story. Your positive attitude is very infectious:-) I agree that you have been able to embrace all facets of your life, the good and the bad, to make you the strong, and powerful woman that you are today. Kudos to you, dear:-) I'm looking forward to hearing more about the school that you are opening. Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes...

Hope you have a great week, too:-)

XX

Jane
Jul 17
Jul 17

Thank you so much Jill, yo are indeed inspiring and motivating me to do more. Much appreciated

Jill Langhus
Jul 17
Jul 17

You're very welcome, dear:-)

Great to hear!

XX

Jensine Larsen
Jul 17
Jul 17

Your story has strengthened you powerfully Jane. What a story teller you are! Women across the globe rise under your light of determination. Keep going my sister! We are so glad you have joined us here at World Pulse.

Jane
Jul 17
Jul 17

Dear Jensine

Thank you most kindly, nothing keeps a woman more stronger than the support of other fellow women. I am truly blessed to have landed here. Thank you so much.

Dear Sister Jane,

Wow, another powerful and inspiring post from you! What a strong woman you are for rising above the ashes!

I cut curious with a cow dung used as a paint? Can you tell me more about it? Doesn’t it smell?

I’m so proud of you for starting a private school. And yes, please write that book. You’ve gone through a lot of pain. You can actually keep writing here then compile your stories into a book. Whatever works for you!

Thank you for inspiring us (once again) with your story, Ms. Unstoppable Warrior!

Jane
Jul 17
Jul 17

I am truly honored and humbled to be part of this group and also learning a lot from another fellow women and to note that, I am not all alone on this journey of self discovery. There are lots of us who need support and encouragement including myself as I learn to overcome by following on the footsteps of those who might have been on the same route as myself. Thank you for your support and encouragement. God bless

We are equally honored that you are here, sister Jane! Yes, you will no longer feel alone.

People are busy nowadays that it’s challenging to find someone we can share our stories with. World Pulse is a platform for women to breath and unburden ourselves when we really need to share something. We are here for each other.

Keep up the great work! Please continue to update us. God bless you, too!

Marie Abanga
Jul 19
Jul 19

Sis o,

Jane probably didn't see your question on Coe dung lol. Well, we let it dry off and it doesn't smell thereafter o

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

hahahahahahah! yes I missed that one, and yes when dry it leaves a nice fresh smell of nature like a freshly painted house :) Thanks Marie

Thank you, Sister Jane. Very interesting!

Thank you, Sister Marie. That’s an amazing discovery!

ELIZABETH ZIRO
Jul 18
Jul 18

So inspiring.

Jane
Jul 18
Jul 18

Thank you my dear sister :)

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

Thank you my sister

Spiritedsoul
Jul 19
Jul 19

Hi Jane,
Thank you for sharing your wonderful, inspiring, and positive story. I really love your attitude, and the way you have responded to events in your life with love and compassion, and positivity. Good luck with your school, I look forward to hearing more about it as things progress!

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

Thanks a lot and I will surely update you about the school my phenomenal women. God bless

Jul 19
Jul 19
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Jul 19
Jul 19
This comment has been removed by the commenter or a moderator.
Marie Abanga
Jul 19
Jul 19

Dear Jane,

Yours is the kind of story we will describe as from Zero to Hero. I had such a story too and I called my childhood fractured.
Look at you now, writing it all so smoothly and carrying yourself + dreams so graciously.
I cheer you on and welcome you to world Pulse.
Here you will find a sisterhood that will stand the test of times. Keep writing and talking Amen

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

Dear Marie, I feel at home already, you all so inspiring and so warm. I have never felt so welcomed and motivated to share more about my own life experiences and to learn from others how they overcome theirs.

Rahmana Karuna
Jul 19
Jul 19

Jane, so glad you decided to share your story here with World Pulse.
your quotes:
"We need to be cautious with what we feed our minds and soul. We need to fuel ourselves with positivity and let that fuel propel us into positive action."
are very similar to my quotes:
Be cautious and wise with my thoughts for they create my experience
and
nurturing our mind is equal to if not more important than our bodies

We are definitely on the same wavelength. SISTERS RISING IN LOVE!!!!

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

Thank you Rahmana for sharing your thoughts as well. Much appreciated. I always share that, regardless of your situation or no matter how bad, never confess with your tongue how bad the situation is...and always turn your negative thoughts to positive one and you will eventually see the situation in a way you portrayed it. Thanks again

Rahmana Karuna
Jul 22
Jul 22

ohhhhh, i like that. I am going to parrot you with that one!

Tamarack Verrall
Jul 19
Jul 19

Dear Jane,
Your story went straight to my heart, and I celebrate all you have become. I celebrate too being able to know about you and that you have found World Pulse. I was especially touched by all that you learned moving for such unfair reasons from city to village, where the love of your grandmother and the abilities of the people in the community showed what is possible and what really matters.

Jane
Jul 21
Jul 21

Absolutely, my negative attitude in accepting such change, turned to be positive because I didnt allow the situation to steal my goal of life and everything turned as I painted my thoughts "positive" thak you Tamarack and I am glad to be part of this team full of great women with so much encouragement. Truly bleesed

Bettina Amendi
Jul 26
Jul 26

Wow,you encouraged me.

Jane
Aug 06
Aug 06

Thank you my sister