Temporarily Tattooed

Jane
Posted November 25, 2019 from South Africa

When I look back throughout my life, I just realized the most painful moments have been the best moments of my life.  I simply wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't endure the pain and challenges that I faced, I wouldn’t be on World Pulse sharing and learning from my other fellow sisters who might have gone through more than I have been myself. The same painful moments I am currently using them all as motivation and drive to become better.  I am using my circumstances and life conditions as motivation hence I am calling myself an overcomer because an overcomer embraces life and doesn't hide from it due to fear. As stated before, I am not a victim because victims feel helpless, whereas survivors have reclaimed their power and taken back the control of their lives. Through survivorship we take responsibility for our choices and our feelings and consciously decide that we are no longer a victim.

I previously lost my house, my late husband legacy to his children, my pride, my dignity and everything “we” with my late worked so hard for, I failed to take charge of my life while I was busy chasing love, love I grew up yearning for, and when it was stripped away from me when I lost the first best man in my life who introduced the meaning and the taste of love and when I was starting to enjoy and understand the meaning of the word “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE” it was then taken away from me and I felt lost again, I went back into a dark hole but hope and taste of love made me want to find it once more, but seemingly I lost it somehow. That made me think and feel I didn’t deserve love or to be loved BUT I do realise that my desperation made me look at the wrong places.

Maybe, some of my sisters and friends out there might have been in a similar situation just like myself, you might have found that chaos comes in many shapes and forms; some obvious, some more lethal and subtle, some habitual, some gradual. But no matter what pain you are dealing with in life, know that the source of that pain comes from within you, I inflicted that pain to myself by pushing hard and desperation took its tall which caused me everything, caused my children’s happiness due to chasing shadows in the name of “WANTING TO BE LOVED, ACCEPTED AND APPRECIATED

Conflict of every kind has always been a plague that has ravaged our lives since the dawn of time. If we are not fighting against others, we are fighting against ourselves. If we are not fighting against ourselves, we are fighting for an unattainable ideal, an unrealistic belief, or a toxic dogma. And so continues the eternal cycle of chaos in our lives. It is time we take control against violence against Women/Gender Violence, it can be physical, emotional, financial, we need to stand together and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Let our own experience or experience shared by others properls us to stand together as one. You might have not gone through the experience But as a woman/mother who understands the pain of child bearing, you would understand and acknowledge that the pain of another child Is as good as the pain of your own.  

It took me a long time to own up to taking responsibility of myself; of the way I thought, felt and reacted to the world. Now, although I still struggle to keep perspective at times, I have got myself into the habit of owning my own life and not to let the world or the thoughts of others own it for me and in that process I managed to regain my peace and tranquillity. I hope you can be inspired to identify these sources of self-imposed chaos in your life as well. The moment you tell yourself that you are a self-confessed control freak, you will be able to feel stable, secure and in charge of the steering wheel of life to feel a temporary sense of respite from your fear of everything. However, despite my need to control everything, I have managed through my journey of spiritual awakening to accept unpredictability, instability and even helpless a lot more than before. I still slip back into old habits, but I am getting there, and on the way rediscovering the wonderful calmness of inner quiet. Control is a product of fear, of distrust towards yourself and your ability to handle whatever life throws at you. Once you come to see the innate resilience and strength of your spirit, you will start to trust yourself and therefore you will open to life, If I did it, so you can too.

I have come to accept that I am not perfect, and I guess no one is, being judged, being told you worthless, that steals something away from you but in my journey of self-discovery and on the road of owning my life I learned and realised that perfectionism promotes chronic stress and burnout. I have spent my life wanting to do everything perfectly, trying to prove to my oppressors and essentially be the perfect person. What a waste of time! We intellectually know that no one can be perfect, but yet somehow, we still tend to get stuck in these kinds of negative cycles, usually unconsciously. If you are never quite happy with what you do or who you are, chances are you are a perfectionist. learned that there really is no such thing as perfection in life as life is about growth and change.

Trying to live for others and no living for yourself, the only life God gave you and to you, you then pass it on to others to live it for you? Ask yourself how that can be possible? we give away our power to others when we allow them to define our worth, to dictate our feelings and to control our perceptions. How often have you allowed what another person says about you, or how they treat you, to impact the tone of your entire day? How often have you felt completely miserable with no end because someone ignored, rejected or criticized you? This is known as giving away your power to other people, because you are giving them permission to control the way you feel about yourself. The truth is that you don’t have to give this power to others, and any time you choose you can take back this power and define the way you see yourself and so is your life.

Let us end this victimisation, emotional, physical and financial abuse, I already said that, let us not be victims but victors. Bianca Sparacino said in one of her books “I quote” You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not, do not put your happiness into the hands of other people.  So please my sisters, do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that, My fellow sister, TOGETHER WE STAND!.  

Comments 14

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Dawn Arteaga
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Yes!! This is beautiful. Know that I am standing with you, seeing you and acknowledging your power and beauty. In sisterhood, Dawn

Jane
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Thank you Dawn, so encouraging. Much appreciated

maeann
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Hi Jane,

I like what you said and I quote: Let us not be victims but victors!

I stand with you. #IStandWithHer

Jane
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

#StandWithHer..It’s not who you are, what you do in life defines who you are. The abuse happened to you, not because of you. The abuse does not define you… love yourself. In sisterhood, together we stand. Thank you for the encouragement my sister.

Jill Langhus
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Hello Dear Jane,

How are you doing, dear? Every time you write, I feel like you're becoming stronger and stronger, and more aware. Do you feel this? I can definitely acknowledge about slipping back into old habits and having control challenges, but the good news is that each time we notice this it gets easier and easier to see the new, healthier version of ourselves and our lives that we can follow, and create. Have you noticed this, too? I can also relate to the perfectionism. I'm a recovering perfectionist still... ha:-) We'll both get there.

Hope you're doing well, and having a great Monday!

XX

Jane
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Dear Jill, I truly feel you and you have no idea what this platform did for me, it unleashed and taught me so much and made me go deeper into my soul, searched the real me, say what I never had a chance to share or releases the suffocation. Thank you so much for the encouragement and I honestly understand what you saying and how you feel. What must keep us going is, it is said that it is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. The more perfect we are, the more gentle and quiet we become towards the defects of others. We slowly getting there :)
Love always
JP

Jill Langhus
Nov 27, 2019
Nov 27, 2019

Hello Jane:-)

I'm so happy to hear it and it puts a smile on my face to hear it:-)

You're very welcome. I'm glad to have helped in your transformation:-)

Yes, we will get there!

XX

Lisbeth
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019

Dear Jane,
SisterJill just read my mind haha. Got nothing to add up. Hope you are doing very well?
Warm hugs :-)

Julie A Amundsen DC BCAO
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

Thank you for your wisdom! I read your words to my daughter. Awsome!

Jane
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019

I am humbled Julie, thank you so much for the encouragement.

Anita Shrestha
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019

Thank you for sharing

Jane
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019

You welcome my sister and thanks for the support

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019

Hello, Sister Jane,

I always love to read your stories because you are skilled as a storyteller and you are brave enough to show your authenticity and vulnerability. However, you always leave us with lessons to take away as a conclusion.

Yes, our greatest pain becomes our greatest blessing because we can now empathize with others who also face different levels of pain. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs!

Jane
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019

Thank you kindly my sister Karen, your words and encouragement always gives me strength and motivates me to open deeper and the platform provided helped me to heal so much. Thanks so much., Truly humbled