I AM the picture of a MOTHERLY LOVE

Jane
Posted December 13, 2019 from South Africa
Love never lost: Paint hate with love
Love never lost: Paint hate with love (1/3)

Winston Churchill said (I quote) " We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival" Behind a person's success, the most efforts who put, is the only one, the mother. Mother's love can change that wrong way on which her child has started to move. Her love easily turns her child into the right way of truth and honesty. This is the power of mother's love. With this said, I vowed with my life that I will grow to live and be the picture of a motherly love. While it is possible to generalize about how a toxic mother affects a daughter/child’s development such as issues of setting boundaries, being insecurely attached, problems with trust etc. As a girl child who grows up to be a mother in the future, nothing can mould you to be that picture of love to your family if you have sucked that love from your own mother to take that love to the next generation. 

Having an absent mother or motherly love makes a girl child grow with trouble or difficulty in defining herself as separate because of the breast of the dismissive mother they sucked. Childhood life taught and pressurized me to grow with an up fist indicating that "I DARE TO RAISE MY OWN DIFFERENTLY AND BE DIFFERENT" to show each child, each human kind how to love and be loved than be part of the generation which withhold love.  Being constantly rebuffed in childhood made me armored. The moment I positioned my mind when I first held my first son, the first day he started sucking my breast, I kissed his fore head and said, suck the milk of love, look at my face as you suck it and see the picture of motherly love, in that manner, when you grow up, you will be able to look at every girl child and remember the picture of a motherly love and understand there is no reason to hurt them. 

Taking that first step is what allows the miracle to kick in, the more steps you take, the closer you get to your impossible good coming true. And the closer you get, the more choices you are likely to discover. The more choices you discover, the more you will be able to accelerate your movement forward on your journey. I took that first step to be the available mother to my children and to the motherless. Our girl children are raped, victimized, desperate to sell their souls for the sake of receiving love they never experienced from their own mothers. They grow to regret, indulge in risky behaviors in order to get response from wrong places, seeking attention because no one has ever given them attention or any response because no one ever cared to give them that audience, to them any response is better than no response at all which lead them into relationships that are fraught with difficulties. 

For me to avoid being depended where I wouldn't be given any audience, I had to stand up for me and my child, I forgot that I was a graduate without a job, i refused to be betrayed by loveless environment which might end up affecting my innocent child I so much wanted to raise in a different environment. seeing a picture of a loveless motherly love makes you lose trust, you feel like everyone including your own loving partner might betray you, that's how I felt hence I wanted to do things differently, paint off hate with love to my own children hence I took my first job as bathroom/toilet cleaner in a church. To earn not to expect and end up being disappointment because i grew up around disappointments and that totally and completely KILLED AND DESTROYED my trust from anyone. 

It is said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, being a graduate and a toilet cleaner? just to make sure you don't  have to wait or rely on anyone when your child start asking for a bread, Haruki Murakami said (I quote) " once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” That's how my life manifested, walking in the storm just to keep the status of the beautiful picture of a motherly love. Through my difficult path of life, my mistrust, and the thought of no wanting to be attached to anyone thinking they might live me just like I have lost my own motherly love. What has happened after the worst of times is, I have became kinder, more empathetic, more patient, less judgmental. I grew to have weak spots and soft places that barely need to be touched for me to feel pain. I continuously cry sometimes for no good reason, and stay dry eyed when tears might be appropriate, within this process I realized that we all need the touch of love to act human. So i urge everyone right here and right now that nothing beats the power of love. empathy and love can cure this victimization disease completely and our world could be a better blossoming world to live in.

Most of the time, strength doesn’t come from life’s worst moments, it comes from the best. I feel strong because I managed to love my own and those close to me, allowed to be loved. Though memories still live but I know I am loved and my mother and my siblings are trying to make it up to the lost time and those i felt they were also out to get me, they are now amazing people because I have loved them back. portrayed to them how the picture of a motherly love should be.  I find strength in the times when I have been most generous and caring. I find strength in my ability to sometimes deal well with the bad days, to look for help when I need it, to disappear when I have to, and to re-emerge when I AM READY TO SHOW MY PICTURE OF A MOTHERLY LOVE.

Isaiah 49:15 says "Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you"  

This story was submitted in response to Share On Any Topic.

Comments 15

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Jill Langhus
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019

Hello Lovely Jane,

How are you doing, dear? I agree that we all learn our formative beliefs from our mothers, but I also firmly believe that it's a joint responsibility for both parents to ensure that every child receives all the love they need. I think this responsibility shouldn't just solely fall on mothers. Women are expected to do too much already, in my opinion, and quite often aren't appreciated for doing almost everything either. And, even if that weren't the case, I still think that fathers have a joint responsibility to love and care for their children.

I'm glad, however, to hear that you're mending your relationship with your mother and siblings, as it will definitely help you to lead a more joyful and peaceful existence. I'm also glad that you are equally giving and receiving love, too, in your relationships as it's so important, nurturing and necessary for our overall wellbeing.

I hope you're doing well and having a great Friday!

XX

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hi Jill, thanks again for your kind word and word of wisdom as well. Yes as women we carry all the load and the 1st contact to every problem in our household, we are the pillars and expected to carry all the load. In my case, my father was there hence not mentioned much :) BUT he was a man, as a girl child I needed my mother to guide and teaches me how to be a better woman, future mother and wife, to teach me girl stuff how to handle and manage and be a strong woman as she was.

Jill Langhus
Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019

Hi Jane,

How are you doing? You're welcome:-)

Oh, I see:-(

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019

Hello, sister Jane,

Wow, another powerful piece coming from you, dear. Do you know that I kept that verse (Isaiah 49:15) in my heart as growing up? I didn't have a good relationship with my mother either. She was abusive in her way of raising us up. I wrote about that here but I've hidden it already to protect her.

I've read somewhere that people who've been through trauma are survivors, but those who decided to be kind in spite of it are WARRIORs! You are definitely a warrior, dear sis!

Thanks for sharing Haruki Murakami's quote. I love that. It resonates with me, too. I wonder who are the women with you on this photo. You all have beautiful smiles.

Have a great weekend!

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hello sister Karen, thanks again.. I guess even though we might be scarred but we are healing or healed in the process, the scars are just there as a reminder but doesn't hurt anymore but a point of reference to guide us not to do same to our own. The smileys there? my elder sister 2nd left followed by my younger sister and my elder sister daughter in law on the left and my daughter in law on the right :) Thanks again Karen

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 17, 2019
Dec 17, 2019

Yes, dear sis, I agree with you. The scars remind us of the battles we've faced. Oh, wow, what a lovely family! Thanks for sharing. :)

Wusufor
Dec 13, 2019
Dec 13, 2019

Dearest Jane,
Wow, your post made me want to have my own kids haha :-). What an amazing portrait of motherhood.

Yes it's very true that motherly affection had a great influence on the child. My own here you can see when she is referring to me about things that she will not do because I told her so to her friends it's like oh mine.
Thanks for sharing this with article of yours with us.
Have a great day.
Hugs

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Please start planning for one :) lovely bundle of joy, innocent angels from God. Thanks my sister for encouragement my dear sister Lisbeth.

Wusufor
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Haha... I hear you :-)
Thanks

otahelp
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019

hmmm life most times is not a bed of roses nor is it fair to anyone but you will surely overcome. thank you Jane for your story. i am sure i learnt something from you

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

True so, life is journey...we getting there and we will get there. Thanks sister

Anita Shrestha
Dec 15, 2019
Dec 15, 2019

Thank you for sharing this amazing piece

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

You welcome sister Anita, thank you kindly

Akshaya9
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Hi Jane,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your a brave woman to overcome this. Hope you doing great dear.

God bless you!

Jane
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019

Humbled sister. God bless