Finding, Grace, Becoming

I imagine that we miss the detail every single day. The detail that holds the very code to how intensely awesome and genius our creator is, especially in how He created us. I imagine that He purposely puzzled our person to take away from us ever having to feel like we are stuck in certain categories, to take away from us being or becoming immune to the many facets of life that He intended for us to live, experiences that are aching to mould us and opportunities that bare only our names, packed with guarantees of the kind of passion that flows from a source within us that we cannot explain. I imagine that literally nothing is an accident, everything from how and when we come into this life, to the sweet smells and tastes of what we are actually exposed to or grow up yearning for without reason, for some reason. The phases and faces that put feelings in our hearts. The senseless sense full aching caused by things unexplained, unexpected and unwanted. That challenges that informs how we refine and define our character, which dares us to become, to keep becoming or tempts us to simply just be. I imagine we miss it all because what we are too busy doing, is live a life that we imagine, was created by ourselves.
It took quite some time for me to be okay with this, to be okay with being a puzzle, with all pieces intact, just not in the right place. I learnt that such is the point of life, come into it, and find your own. From conception we are tasked with finding our own, our war cries, our voices, our words our choices, our feet our pace. Our dreams our passions. Our fight songs and victory dances. Our loves and ultimately, our lives. And what fascinates me the most in finding out the code in how intensely awesome our creator is, is the fact that, for as long as there is breathe in my lungs, I get to do some more finding. I find my own and keep building the unimaginably divine intentionally put together purpose filled complete image of myself, puzzled by my creator. I find my own and in doing so, I learn that my complete story is worth far more than what my worth would be considered to be. I learn that I can make people, grow people. That is the ultimate beauty of how we were created to be for me. To be a part of the many puzzles that are coming together in my complete picture, is completely insane.

My story is about grace, a reality of either or that I choose at the Centre of any and all of the challenges of my life. I am a daughter to a mom who normalized domestic abuse, and would succumb to cancer. I am wife to a husband who’s life I had to fight for and who has experienced, one too many times, what it feels like to nearly lose a wife. I am a mom to a daughter who resembles God in how resiliently she kept her little light burning, at a time when I was fighting for my life in CCU, with bilateral pulmonary embolism after the birth of her first little sister. I am mom to Pure life, a little princess who lost her words due to the trauma of her mom’s sudden absence, after an emergency c section for the birth of her way too early 26 week old baby sister, due to an aortic dissection. I am a mom to Abundance, a life filled little body who could not wait to show me what fight she is made of through her unscheduled arrival. I feel like grace has shown up for me every single time. I find… I found it at the center of my every crisis and I continue to do so. 

My story is about a woman, who feels divinely favored dispite her challenges. A woman who is learning that the world has been broken for a while, but it does not matter because she has the potential and abilities, deep within her, buried somewhere beneath the ill healh, the dirty dishes, the speech therapy sessions and financial impossibilities. She has the potential, despite her gender or skin colour, her genetics or lack of opportunity. She has the potential, through Grace, to fix it, one Humans person at a time. My story is about a woman who is finding… who found that human to human interaction holds the potential to fix a broken world, one day at a time.

And I am honored to have found this community, within which Finding is welcomed and becoming is inspired. I look forward to sharing more stories and also for the opportunity to experience the “who you are’s” through the stories that you tell. Thank you for creating this platform that reminds us that we all matter, despite the vastness of our experiences. And to reassure us in our ,sometimes, insecure minds and hearts, that our experiences matter, and that we are all equally capable to make the world, one step a time, a better world to live in, for everyone.