When She Eloped!

Rakhshinda Shakir
Posted August 27, 2017 from Pakistan

Perhaps her elopement is the worst decision she took in her parents eyes. Perhaps this truth of their daughters elopement has caused their spinal cord break, shed into silent tears with grief and disappointment and shame. A thousand questions may be wandering around his mental sky with that one news of her daughter elopement that no one has answer for. On the other hand the daughter who is newly wed to the guy she ran away with does not seem happy either. I am sure with one smile on her face she has this admiration of leaving her house accompanied by every family members with zeal and celebrations. I am sure something is eating her up inside. May be she is thinking to herself the decision she made isn't the best choice or even if it is she really wished her choice was favored and that she would not have to elope. There might be thousand reasons behind her elopement just unjust both. The question here should not be pointing fingers towards the girl and blaming her to bring you shame. The question here is why does the society even provide conditions under which parents feel that marrying off their kids to another person not belonging to their school of thought would make society question their bravery. As if you happily agreed to weed your daughter off within a sunni or shia brotherhood or visa versa, your respect has gone to hell. Either agree with my choice to wedding or I elope but if both brings your masculinity down to the earth please pardon me I don't want to take the responsibility of your respect on my shoulder over my choice which has no say.

Comments 7

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jlanghus
Aug 28, 2017
Aug 28, 2017

Hi Rakshi. It's good to see you back:-) Thanks for sharing your story. Is this story prompted by someone you know?

Rakhshinda Shakir
Aug 28, 2017
Aug 28, 2017

Hello Jill! 

These stories are very common from the place where I am coming from. I remember from my childhood we were strictly told to not talk with those girls who eloped. We were told how bad they were for bringing shame to their families. Basically we were taught to hate them. Also they were so isolated from rest of the communities and I have always felt bad for them. Though I was a kid not worthy enough to convince people that its not a sin to marry someone you love but I myself would be friends and normal with those girls who ran away and got married. Even few cases in my family has happened that way. My cousins had married off running away with guys and I have seen my family in torture at times. I have seen the tears and mourning. Now I rationalize that running away is the only option to make your own choice to weed. Its the society which is always troublesome. 

jlanghus
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017

Hey there:) I thought you might say that:-( Have you seen an improvement in the last few years, is it improving, or not really? To me, it's seems like a perception issue that stems from familial morals, in other words, is the only way to improve these situations is down to how the families perceive it and deal with it? Do you agree?

Rakhshinda Shakir
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017

Nope no improvement but elopement is increasing because girls are getting aware of their rights but the families still needs to be educated on this issue. Mostly marriages off sects are not encouraged and it has its own religious reasons which seems very illogical to me!! Its all man made and societal and in my views we can get married to someone does not belonging to same religion as us and at the same time following tour  own practices. That should be on mutual consent and respect! 

jlanghus
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017

I see, and I agree about mutual consent and respect, always.

Nakinti
Aug 28, 2017
Aug 28, 2017

Hello Rakshinda,

This is an important aspect you have talked about.  Marriage should be a matter of choice of the principal concerned, not parental decision. Many have eloped because of this. A lot of sentization needs to be carried out on this. Are you planning any sensitization campaigns on this issue?

Love

Tamarack Verrall
Aug 31, 2017
Aug 31, 2017

Dear Rakhshinda, 

This story is powerful and so needed, to shine the light on pressures and expectations of young women to marry who their family approves of, rather than choose their own paths. It is good news that elopement is increasing, as it shows personal choice being taken. I hope for the best that all women will be respected for their choices, respected within marriages, and also respected should they have to leave. All women deserve the right to happiness.

In sisterhood,

Tam

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