Change the 'People' around you

Through all my life, I have been searching for the one reason to be happy, forever. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Severe Anxiety Disorder from a very young age. My childhood was flooded with trauma, violence and separation. Thus, my search for happiness has always been interrupted by the unknowing craving for pain. A craving I did not understand existed within me. I was unable to function with smoothness in life. I could not make art, write poetry or simply, be satisfied without the intense feeling of unhappiness. My body and mind was used to facing problems every second of my life. Since I had mental disorders, I was given some certain medicines to calm my brain. At one point, I started abusing medical drugs. I used to get overdosed on antidepressants and sleeping pills. This was two years back from now. I then met people from different horizons, with many different problems, but one thing in common -  drug abusers. I was introduced to many kinds of drugs, drugs that my body was unable to take. People told me, this is the only key to happiness. The only way to calm the demons inside of your head, fighting every now and then. I found myself rotten in a corner of a dark crowded room, but all alone, getting fed with lies and nightmares that I thought were sweet dreams. I was rehabilitated many times. I stopped studying, I stopped painting, writing. I lost connections to all my childhood friends. Was a big burden to my family. Losing every tie with everyone made me realize that I am the only person I have in the entire world. I finally found myself in the process of finding the ultimate happiness, losing everything. And that led me to the conclusion that happiness never comes for a long time. It is just the skin over the flesh and bones. The deeper you cut the skin, the more pain you feel, and the pain is always there, it is happiness that changes with time, people and priorities. I realized that peace is the only truth. Peace of mind is the only way to live in this rock hard world. And happiness might come with stimulators, but peace cannot. Peace is to be found inside yourself by stepping out of and losing yourself. Peace is detachment. Detachment from everything and everyone that harms your mental health. You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the ‘people’ around you. I can finally say now that I am clinically out of depression, anxiety and personality disorder. No one can break the wall of peace around me because I let them not. I am at peace, because in the process of finding happiness, I have found myself.