Breaking the silence: The trusted ones.

I was one among very few girls who were born to educated parents in my community. My parents work saw them transferred to different places for many years. They were very busy but had enough contact time for me and my siblings although not quality. Parents were respected and feared. You could not discuss issues affecting you to your parent especially sex. Sex was something that was not discussed openly. It was a sign of disrespect to them.

My father loved the youngest of his brothers very much that he decided to have him live with us. I was their only child born then (first child) He unlike my father never had a chance to go to school. He was a big boy. I was only five years but the memory has never gone away. I still remember seeing him run very roughly with a circular metal ring that he pushed with a straight metal rod curved at the end to balance the circular one. Making a loud sound like a moving vehicle. In the morning my mother left with me to school where she worked. She let me attend nursery school very early. we both came back every afternoon to find my uncle play his game.

My parents loved me but there was a gap that I could not have understood then since I was very young. Something that I learned later when I grew up was that parents then kept a space between them and their children to create room to be respected. There were small rules laid by parents. Parents then were disciplinarians. As a girl we were taught how to sit ‘properly’ before people. Discipline and respect are important to date. A thing that today's’ parents are battling with- parenthood. It was a good idea.

Nights to me were like nightmares. I hated them for that’s when I had the roughest of times. I slept in a different room from my parents. This was the time my uncle would crawl into my bed and do whatever he wanted with me. He would whisper, warning me never to tell my parents or else he would beat me when they were away. I feared him and didn’t like him near me. It happened for very long. It was a terrible. I cried quietly. I was happy when he left for their home. I never told my parents even when I grew up. Uncle, aunts and other extended family members were respected a lot. Who would then believe that an uncle would do that those days. They trusted each other.

Again, when I turned seven years my parents decided to hire a male house help. This was another terrible mistake they did unknowingly. They brought in my other tormentor. He would also wait until my parents were deep asleep and did what my uncle did to me. My parents trusted him too because he was hard working. A comment I heard many times from my parent as they talked. I was very happy again when he left. There after my parents hired only female house helps.

The space between us grew wider as I grew up. This was a big problem. To date I have not shared with my mother who is my only parent alive. MY father died in 2014, he never had a chance to know this part of me. He knew he gave me his best as a parent. If I ever told him when I grew up he would have been hurt. My father had love for us. He only didn’t know this fact. I keep asking myself if I should share with my mother but then I ask myself what difference will it make now. It will only hurt her to know she lacked something in parenting.

For many years now I have educated girls on live skills and today I continue to train girls in a vocational Institution on life skills and because they are above 18 years (some of them are mothers) I train them and women good parenting skills to avoid getting into such traps in their lives.

This is a story that I only got a chance to share on this great and important platform World Pulse. It gave me courage to share with other women a story that no one knew about. Not even those that I lived with all these years. Am sharing this story with all women to work on trust issues that can affect your daughter, nieces and grand-daughters.