The First Girl Child

Sadia Wajid
Posted May 18, 2019 from Pakistan

My First Girl Child

I conceived right after getting married. It was totally unplanned pregnancy but I tried to make it completely organised. I was not so happy but I was so much conscious for this big change in my life. I was upset with this abrupt change. Moreover, I was not ready mentally as well as physically for this. Anyhow, I took great care of myself with the support of my husband. Being a part of joint family system, I couldn't manage myself emotionally. I often cried while hiding myself in the rest room on the pity domestic issues. At times, my husband scolded me for doing this. 


I shifted to my parents home for my first delivery as it is custom in many countries of sub-continent. I was way too down health wise. I got black marks on my face due to the low HB and frequent vomiting - I was unable to digest anything except certain types of liquid. My parents helped me especially my mother by all means to get some relief from all this. 


Finally, in extremely cold and foggy night of December this was great moment for me when I gave birth to my very dear daughter. I was so happy and excited to have her in my life. Even on this great blessing - I got criticised by my mother in law because she was angry on having first grand-daughter instead of grand-son.


Anyhow, my husband insisted me to get back to home the moment my daughter turned exactly two months old. He welcomed us with great love and care. Again, I started believing that I am lucky to have caring husband. But this dream also shatteted like many others within days when I had been beaten up by my husband severely just because I wanted to meet my father in the same city. He was going to perform Umrah (religious obligation). I became silent and heart broken on this. I felt like he will snatch my daughter from me if I complained against him. He did this to me even when we were about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary withing coming two weeks. 


I have been told by my parents and else that There is only one solution to get rid from this situation and that is to get a job on emergency footings. I also realised that things will get better after financial independence. Even after getting up to the mark job, nothing got better. He used to beat me up on little things even If I go to get something from store while coming back to work. He tortured me physically as well as emotionally. He made me cry for days and nights. 


In addition to this, my extended family refused to keep my one year old daughter at home during my working hours. And now my husband insisted me to quit the job for which I struggled really hard. He couldn't ask his family to take care of her daughter for 6 to 7 hours. I begged him to let me continue my job. He agreed after long arguments and harsh words. Finally I got my daughter admitted in "day care" during my working hours. I used to drop her while going and pick her while coming back from work. This was not an easy job for me. Within months, the health of my innocent daughter deteriorated. This was the time of great stress and anxiety. I didn't want to lose my job as well as my girl's health simultaneously. Things got worsened and I had to give up that job for the better and healthy life of my daughter. I decided to move away from my husband at this point. I was no more in a position to be with him. I moved from Lahore to Okara to stay with my parents. Luckily, on the other day of my arrival, I got a job in School Education Department with not even a single day gap.  


Now, my daughter has turned two and half years old. She is happy and healthy child. I have decided that I won't let her get married until she becomes completely independent in terms of financial matters. I will train her to be a brave and strong women so that she won't have to cry behind the closed doors. I will try my best to help her flourish her dreams in much better way. I won't force her to get married at the most critical time of her career management/development. I believe that only a strong women can grow a strong daughter. For that, I am trying to be emotionally balanced and strong mother. 

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 2

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Jill Langhus
May 19
May 19

Hi Sadia,

Thanks for sharing your sad, but also inspiring story. I'm so glad that you left your abusive husband. I hope you are safer and happier, now, as well as your little girl? It's great that you will teach your daughter a more empowered and independent way of life, so she can choose what is best for her own health and happiness. I'm sure you're doing your best, and doing a great job. You already realize that your daughter can have a better life for herself than you have had so far. You both deserve better.

I hope you're having a good weekend, dear.

May 19
May 19

Hmm, this is so sad. I am very sorry to hear all you have gone through. You must be a very strong woman with such a rough background.

Unfortunate, that some men used their women as slaves object. They control, abuse and beat them. My sincere prayers are with you and I am certain your wounds will healed someday.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

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