The First Girl Child

Sadia Wajid
Posted May 18, 2019 from Pakistan
The First Girl Child

My First Girl Child

I conceived right after getting married. It was totally unplanned pregnancy but I tried to make it completely organised. I was not so happy but I was so much conscious for this big change in my life. I was upset with this abrupt change. Moreover, I was not ready mentally as well as physically for this. Anyhow, I took great care of myself with the support of my husband. Being a part of joint family system, I couldn't manage myself emotionally. I often cried while hiding myself in the rest room on the pity domestic issues. At times, my husband scolded me for doing this. 

 

I shifted to my parents home for my first delivery as it is custom in many countries of sub-continent. I was way too down health wise. I got black marks on my face due to the low HB and frequent vomiting - I was unable to digest anything except certain types of liquid. My parents helped me especially my mother by all means to get some relief from all this. 

 

Finally, in extremely cold and foggy night of December this was great moment for me when I gave birth to my very dear daughter. I was so happy and excited to have her in my life. Even on this great blessing - I got criticised by my mother in law because she was angry on having first grand-daughter instead of grand-son.

 

Anyhow, my husband insisted me to get back to home the moment my daughter turned exactly two months old. He welcomed us with great love and care. Again, I started believing that I am lucky to have caring husband. But this dream also shatteted like many others within days when I had been beaten up by my husband severely just because I wanted to meet my father in the same city. He was going to perform Umrah (religious obligation). I became silent and heart broken on this. I felt like he will snatch my daughter from me if I complained against him. He did this to me even when we were about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary withing coming two weeks. 

 

I have been told by my parents and else that There is only one solution to get rid from this situation and that is to get a job on emergency footings. I also realised that things will get better after financial independence. Even after getting up to the mark job, nothing got better. He used to beat me up on little things even If I go to get something from store while coming back to work. He tortured me physically as well as emotionally. He made me cry for days and nights. 

 

In addition to this, my extended family refused to keep my one year old daughter at home during my working hours. And now my husband insisted me to quit the job for which I struggled really hard. He couldn't ask his family to take care of her daughter for 6 to 7 hours. I begged him to let me continue my job. He agreed after long arguments and harsh words. Finally I got my daughter admitted in "day care" during my working hours. I used to drop her while going and pick her while coming back from work. This was not an easy job for me. Within months, the health of my innocent daughter deteriorated. This was the time of great stress and anxiety. I didn't want to lose my job as well as my girl's health simultaneously. Things got worsened and I had to give up that job for the better and healthy life of my daughter. I decided to move away from my husband at this point. I was no more in a position to be with him. I moved from Lahore to Okara to stay with my parents. Luckily, on the other day of my arrival, I got a job in School Education Department with not even a single day gap.  

 

Now, my daughter has turned two and half years old. She is happy and healthy child. I have decided that I won't let her get married until she becomes completely independent in terms of financial matters. I will train her to be a brave and strong women so that she won't have to cry behind the closed doors. I will try my best to help her flourish her dreams in much better way. I won't force her to get married at the most critical time of her career management/development. I believe that only a strong women can grow a strong daughter. For that, I am trying to be emotionally balanced and strong mother. 

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 7

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Lisbeth
May 19
May 19

Hmm, this is so sad. I am very sorry to hear all you have gone through. You must be a very strong woman with such a rough background.

Unfortunate, that some men used their women as slaves object. They control, abuse and beat them. My sincere prayers are with you and I am certain your wounds will healed someday.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

Tamarack Verrall
May 20
May 20

Dear Sadia,
What a beautiful photo of a precious daughter. I held my breath as I read your story, for both you and your daughter. I rejoiced at each step you took to keep yourself free and safe, and that of your lisle girl. Your mother lion is powerful, and kept you going through such cruel treatment by your husband and his family. You bring out such an important message: the need for women to have access to paid work and financial independence. Your daughter is s lucky to have a mother with such good priorities and plans for her future. I am sure at times it is tough, but you have found your way. May the road become smoother as you go. We are all here together now through World Pulse.
In sisterhood,
Tam

Yusra Shaukat
May 24
May 24

Dear Sadia Appa,

Firstly, I wanna congratulate you for the decision which you made. I understand how difficult it is but you did it. That itself is a biggest achievement. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Always do remember that we all are here, whenever you need any kind of support; whether that is moral or emotional. Give my love to your daughter. May Allah bless her .

Shebra
May 24
May 24

Thank you for sharing....your story is both heartbreaking and powerful!! So happy you took steps to keep you and your daughter safe, and are working toward a better future for both of you. That takes courage, and strength! ALL women need access to work, and financial independence. Your daughter will be so proud of you! when she later knows what you did for yourself and for her. Wishing you happier days ahead, and know we are thinking of you! and always supporting you in our hearts.
One day we will find a way to ensure every one of our "sisterhood" are living healthy, strong lives.....
sending a hug!
Sheila

Hello, Sadia,

I’m sorry you went through a traumatic toxic relationship. But I’m glad you are now free. Your daughter is beautiful. That’s a good decision to train her well.

Thanks for sharing!

Beth Lacey
Jun 25
Jun 25

So sorry to read your story. But your daughter is beautiful and you will make her wise

prakriti sapkota
Jul 12
Jul 12

Hello Sadia!
The little girl is so cute.
U are a very brave woman and i respect u for this. The decision you took is also very good.
The situation is somewhat similar in our country too.so i am really touched by your decision as i can also relate this situation.
I am looking forward to hearing such bold and good news from.you.