Dear Mother

Safecity- Elsa D'Silva
Posted August 27, 2019 from India
Yamini Parashar
Yamini Parashar (1/1)

Yamini Parashar is pursuing her BA from Delhi university. She likes to write poems and observe things and is concerned with social issues. She identifies herself as a feminist and sees herself as a clinical psychologist in a few years. She’s been a part of a few poetry programmes held in her city.

                                                                                         Dear Mother 

Dear mother, I wish you could have told me some things And I could have said some to you If only if we had interacted and spoken, These disparities would not have been so severe. I wish To untangle the chaos from our lives even now But how do we even begin? I want to sleep on your lap again But realise at every point in life That it made no difference, Talking, I mean, You said, “Don’t talk to me now.” What was my mistake? How do you not see the scars, The bullets in the heart, When I  stopped interacting with people? Because you didn’t even acknowledge them When I was dying from pain In the soul. For you never told me What that red blood meant Until it flowed between my thighs And I feel disgusted not because of the blood But because you chose to be ignorant I feel bad not because we stopped talking Not talking was my decision But faking it was yours. Life exhausted me with the burden that I carried which I was not responsible for And then too, you chose to be negligent Telling me, “Talking to boys is your fault. Arguing with your brothers is your fault.” And then I decided that maybe I was at fault. When relatives laughed at a gathering Because I was a little clumsy And because I spoke my heart out Or because I was unlike my cousins Who seemed to be experts in everything. And you, again Displaying my flaws in front of the aunties And then laughing Like it didn’t matter And all you said was, “It’s just for fun. I did not intend to hurt you.” Maybe I made those mistakes Tell me, how do I repent for them? How do I unmake those mistakes? Then I remember I have been burnt and left like ashes Who could not do anything than die And do you even remember my last cry? You used to say, “She’s very strong.” And yes, you made me that strong When you chose to be ignorant again When that pervert, in my own house, Tried to put his hand under my clothes And grab my breasts And held my hand And made me touch Where I didn’t want to And when I told you Hoping you would understand This time you told me to ignore it And keep my mouth shut. When this happened the second time And that person wanted to see me naked I ran for my life But that was in vain. I tried to tell you But couldn’t gather the courage because All you ever did was ignore me Because you said ‘Ignorance is bliss’ And yet, you say that I don’t tell you anything Now, courage seems so far away And trust seems so broken And when I reach “marriageable” age You’ll find a man for me Who, I’m pretty sure, Would do the same things to me. Would you tell me to ignore it this time too?

Opinions expressed are of the writer.            

*This blog was first published on Safecity.

 

Comments 8

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sunshyne.leyba
Aug 27
Aug 27

I'm sorry to hear of what happened to you, and that your mother did not speak with you and help guide you. I hear you, and want you to know that the bad things that happened to you are not your fault. Do not feel ashamed or apologize for who who you are, and keep being you.

Jill Langhus
Aug 28
Aug 28

Hi Elsa,

Oh this is sad:-( Poor Yamini. So much pain, anger, and repression. I hope she's able to talk to her mother, send her this letter, or forgive her, and then herself. It's not healthy to carry these many burdens on your shoulders. Thanks so much for sharing. Does she work for Safecity?

Hope you're having a great week:-)

Hello, Elsa,

Thank you for sharing Yamini's powerful poem. I'm sad though that she is unheard and ignored. I hope she can join World Pulse. Thank you for sharing.

Tumanjong Miranda
Aug 29
Aug 29

Dear Elsa,
It's such a pathetic situation. Please reach out to Yamini and let her know this. It is in forgiving that we are forgiven. Let her forgive her mother and herself. Doing this will help her get free herself from the pain an anger. She needs to let go in order to be happy.
I know it's not easy, but it is worth it.
It is time for her to set herself free.

Lisbeth
Aug 30
Aug 30

Hmm this is a post with weight ohh. It really touched my heart. It's was like I was the one speaking it. It's sad! Yamini you are courageous! Keep being strong and you will go far. Elsa you are a great narrator. Thanks for sharing and have a great weekend.

Tamarack Verrall
Aug 31
Aug 31

Yamini is a great poet and this is a powerful and important poem. I hope she has many venues to read it, and/or send it out. Speaking to all the non support she lived through, saying out loud what too many men do to girls, and pointing directly at what happens when your mother will not/cannot/is afraid to support her daughter, is a story that still continues all too often. Change begins when it is voiced. This poem has the power bring all who have experienced it into a new trust in themselves. It may too, reach mothers who wish life could have been/could be different.

Beth Lacey
Sep 01
Sep 01

As Karen says, it would be great if Yamini could join World Pulse

Tarke Edith
Sep 01
Sep 01

Hi there Elisa
Thanks for sharing this poem with us it has teaches us a lesson as mothers