Nourishing the Development of our Feminine Emotional Wisdom

sama
Posted December 12, 2017 from United States
Unzipping the darkness of emotional oppression

Dear friends, what does emotional maturity mean to you?

For me it has changed over the years, as I have grown. Currently I am sorting through over a decade of spiritual practices that helped me to develop emotional maturity in a lot of ways but in other ways sent a lot of my emotional sensitivity and wisdom into hiding. These practices, though well intentioned, were founded in domination and control models of dealing with emotions, treating them as inconveniences to be done away with as quickly as possible.

I inherited these approaches from family members that were the only stable, safe, and reliable sources of love and nurture in my upbringing and clung to them because of the emotionally chaotic circumstances of my immediate family. I associated freedom of emotional expression and full emotional experiencing with danger, chaos, entrapment and pain, not wisdom and growth.

The family members that did provide a sanctuary of safety did so by suppressing most of their emotions under the Beaver Cleaver family relationship model. Feelings were expressed through passive aggressive comments and subtle manipulation. Emotional expressions were severely frowned upon.

Over the course of my personal healing process I was drawn to therapeutic yoga and body work, which helped me to get back in touch with my body and heal much of the physical ailments that resulted from this emotional suppression.

However, the teachings I received about how to be with past and current emotional processing patterns were based on a curious blend of this same suppression to keep the peace and explosive expression to let off steam. It was an immature system due to the teacher's unresolved trauma from his upbringing. Ultimately I managed to use the teachings to develop the suppression or bypassing of emotions to an exquisite evenness that was dependent on controlling my outer environment, isolating myself, and hiding out to maintain it.

When I received the call to re-engage with the world and my emotions, it was a welcome relief from the rigorous practices required to maintain that evenness. There were a number of deep desires for my life that I could not approach within my current model of coping. I wanted to develop meaningful friendships, especially with women. I wanted to deepen the intimacy with my partner. I wanted to create and share something with the world that was uniquely my own, my essential gift and purpose.

All of these desires required me to open up a space of allowing around my emotions. This was terrifying as after so many years of suppression it was like a geyser. I was spilling and spattering and sputtering all over everyone around me, and still do from time to time. What got me through is what one ally along the way said to me, that there is a wisdom underneath every emotion. So I started looking for that.

This search drew me to my womb. The wisdom of how life is created and nurtured. The purpose of emotions in relationship. The natural development process for emotional wisdom, clarity, and maturity. Where emotional wisdom and spiritual connection come together. The crucial place of emotional wisdom within all of life, including areas that typically exile emotions as inappropriate such as business, finances, and organization. All of this began to arise from within me, and continues to do so.

I would love to invite you to join in the conversation. What does emotional maturity mean to you?

Comments 5

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Olutosin
Dec 12, 2017
Dec 12, 2017

Hello Sama, personal I think that emotional maturity means rising above being manipulated or being able to stop intended emotional pain from anyone.

I have experienced emotional difficulty / difficulties from many people who were supposed to love or protect me. I used to be quiet, sighed and withdrew or become bitter, but all those pain are past now.

How did I handle my pain? One day I decided that enough is enough. Enough of being treated like trash, I fled and created a new life, path and journey.

It was lonely but rewarding. I began to make actual trash to Make beautiful objects just to change my mind set.

I started few years ago and now, I have introduced the idea to other women.

I always wonder why people inflict such emotional pain into others because it causes life time scars, destroy relationship and turn supposed friends to sworn enemies???

sama
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017

Hi Olutosin, I can so relate to this.  I have had many opportunities to rise above manipulation and poor treatment from others, most of whom were indeed supposed to be loving and supporting me.    Leaving those people behind was an important first step for me too.  

I love the sound of your project.  Do you mean that you make art, beautiful objects, out of trash as a personal transformation process?  I love the symbolism, changing the internalized trash talk and beliefs about ourselves into beauty as we create beauty from physical trash.  I would love to learn more about your project of sharing this with other women.

I have wondered why people hurt each other too, especially when they claim to love them.  This has led me to study psychology and the effects of trauma on our behavior, especially the trauma of our mothers when they are pregnant with us.  It turns out that how we are conceived, gestated, birthed, and nurtured throughout childhood is all crucial for developing healthy human relations as adults.  Particularly for men who become aggressive sexually and otherwise when they don't receive fully supported and mature mothering.  

This leads me to be super passionate about creating change for women in this regard.  Changing our attitudes about femininity, fertility, motherhood, etc.  Mostly I focus on sharing the healing practices I have learned so we don't have to keep perpetuating the pain down through the generations.

In any case, as I have learned these causes of the emotionally damaging behavior of others, it helps me to have compassion and forgiveness for them, which supports my healing process as well. 

Thank you for reaching out and connecting.  I would love to hear more about your projects.

Love,

Sama

Jill Langhus
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017

Hi Sama. Welcome to World Pulse:-) I hear you about overcoming trauma and growing/learning every day, too, better practices than we were taught that no longer serve us. Emotional maturity to me means a few things, but mostly freedom from the shackles of outdated thoughts that no longer serve me, especially lack of self-love, but also knowing when to walk away from someone that doesn't have my best interests at heart and also to shield myself from harmful or negative influences as well. It also means that I know what is for my highest good, growth and learning, and that means being kind/mindful in what I say to myself and others. What is your vision/mission? I would like to hear more about it.

sama
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017

Hi jlanghus, I can relate to what you shared about learning new practices and thought patterns to replace the outdated and irrelevant coping mechanisms we learned in the past.  This has been central to my healing process.  As well as walking away from relationships and situations that I have outgrown or that don't support my growth.  And connecting to that inner guidance that knows what is best for me, trusting in that guidance.  These are all ongoing processes, spiraling around to deeper layers of healing.  

My vision/mission has to do with developing healing methods to help us to liberate ourselves from internalized oppressive trauma patterns, often originating from the circumstances of our conception, gestation, birth, and early childhood development.  So much suffering is perpetuated generation after generation from the poor support and abuse of mothers during these crucial moments in our lives.  I imagine creating a world where all women are revered for their life generating powers, where the rhythms of the womb are recognized as the blueprint for how we measure time as well as the source of all life.  I am moving towards this vision one conversation at a time, reminding women and men about where we come from and how important it is to make this shift.  For those who want to dive into this for themselves I offer healing services that help them to embody this shift in their own lives.

I would love to hear about your vision and mission as well.  Thanks for reaching out.

Love,

Sama

Jill Langhus
Dec 14, 2017
Dec 14, 2017

Hi Sama:-) What a great mission/vision. Thanks for sharing. Do you have a website and/or social media page to share? This is basically the low-down on my mission/vision, but I'm also a graphic/fashion designer in transition:-)https://www.worldpulse.com/en/community/users/jlanghus/resources/73726