"31 and not married"

Sambridhi
Posted May 6, 2017 from Nepal

"I was always a student with an exceptional I.Q. and succeededin my school performances. My parents were very proud and could not help bragging about me whenever there were family unions and social gatherings. I was embarrassed..a little but always happy to see the pride in their eyes.

I have two sisters, both older than me and married with kids. My sisters got married 'right on time' or maybe earlier than that.They were always the prettier ones, and both had numerous marriage proposals flocking. And well I wasn't bothered. I did not care about my aesthetics as much as on my career and goals. Everybody has different priorities and marriage had never been much of a deal to me. Last month I turned 31, RED ALERT! So the possibility of marrying an eligible bachelor has officially expired.

My parents are starting to get paranoid..I cannot see that pride in their eyes no more..all I can see in my mother's old eyes are regrets and she sees me with such sympathy it makes me want to stop looking at her. My father is retired, I have been covering up all the finances because I have a steady job in a reputed company, I have been doing extremely well. I even bought my first car last summer but that isn't enough. It's never going to be enough.

My mother comes to me sometimes,sits near me and asks me in hundred different ways if her unmarried miserable daughter is happy. I am tired of explaining to her I am. With my life and the way it is. Instead she gives me that sympathy full of glances multiple times and I cannot help but bicker.

My father has tried a lot, to get me a perfect husband. I have met a few, through my father's sources. A a lot of those men do not care about my degree, that soon I will be getting a PhD.,or that I have been a gold medalist in Economics. Things that my father keeps bragging about does not make them tick. I know I am being judged, in ways I wouldn't want to be.. How my figure isn't ladylike or my short hair and spectacles do not excite even the slightest urge of getting married in them. I know it's not going to happen. But how will I ever make my father understand that the process suffocates me, and underestimates my self-esteem?

I have asked my parents to stop listening to what people have to say about me remaining a spinster. I tell them everyday; it will happen when it has to happen and that I have no interest in getting hitched with a man and start a family but the idea does not make me depressed. But they worry a lot and sometimes I feel a culprit to my parent's woes not that I can do much about it.

Why is it that a woman has to get married even if it is not her choice? She has to have an expiry date. A woman in her late 20s and single is a woman incomplete and in the most critical situation of her life..almost crisis! No matter how able she is, can only a man complete her identity? I am 31 and not married. How bad can that be? "

This is loosely based on a conversation with my 31 year old relative who is a banker based in Kathmandu, Nepal.

This post was submitted in response to Share Your Story On Any Topic.

Comments 14

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mae me
May 07, 2017
May 07, 2017

Hi Sambridhi, I had the same experience when I reached 30 years of age.  My family and relatives would always ask me when I will get married. I believe that it's not about the number but it is about knowing your purpose and how you grow maturely in life.  I hope you will bloom more like a flower in your age :)

Sambridhi
May 08, 2017
May 08, 2017

Hello Maeann, I am glad you could relate. Yes, I totally agree with you. Everyone should have the freedom to live a life on their own terms. Thank you for reading the article and getting back to me. 

I wish you all the best for future. :) <3

mae me
May 08, 2017
May 08, 2017

You're welcome Sambridhi :) 

May 07, 2017
May 07, 2017
This comment has been removed by the commenter or a moderator.
Ritkatmwa Gwan Gwan
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Sambridhi, I was intrigued by the story. I'm a woman over 30 in Nigeria it's like wearing a tag on your forehead saying "I receive unsolicited advice" becasue everyone suddenly has help to offer. No one suddenly remembers all your other accomplishments, you become a sympathy case.  I desire to be married but like you my mantra is " it'll happen when it happens". 

RIT

Sambridhi
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017

Hello Ritz, I am happy you think that way. I can understand how challenging doing your heart can be especially when society least welcomes it. I can see that you're a strong confident woman, and you should never let anyone back you down. And yes, it will definitely happen when it has to happen. :)

I hope you find more success and happiness in the future. Love and regards. <3

Sambridhi

Rakhshinda Shakir
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017

It made me felt like I should say " I am so proud of you for becoming who you want to be". It is never easy for a girl to stand against society and so called expectations, but you are doing it. It needs guts and passion that you already have. Hi5 I am also single and happy to be one. I don't intend to get married so far either and people in my circle have problems with my short hair too that does not really bother me much any more. Leaders do their work, they lead and break stereotypes not bother much about what people have to say about what you do and

. You are doing your job so well. Keep rocking my lady. 

Sambridhi
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017

Hello Rakhshinda, thank you so much your kind words. Well, this is a story of someone I know and of course many other women in different corners around the world where marriage is thought to be a prime goal of a woman and her identity. I am only acting as a messenger here and have always appreciated and admired those (especially women) who rebel to live a life on their terms and not for society's approval, which also includes you  :)

And I think short hair on women is the best look ever, you look great! You do you, the world needs more women that think like you.

Thank you again love! Best wishes. <3

Lumbiwe Lulu Limbikani
May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017

Hi Sambridhi

I can so relate to that story. I got pregnant in my late teens but even that stigma doesn't compare to that of not being married. I am in mid-thirties and a professional trainer with lots of years of experience. Sometimes I get asked by training participants before the session, if I am married. As if that will add credibility to my work. It is annoying and sad. I have been engaged for almost 4 years. There was a big relief on my family's faces when I said I am finally getting married. I think they really thought there was no hope for a young professional woman with 2 children to be happy unless married.

I can relate with your relative. We are happy as we are and society needs to get with the program. I also have short hair and wear spectacles and 'comfy' clothes. :-)

Sambridhi
May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017

Hello Lulu,

I cannot even imagine how much struggle you must have faced while being a single mother raising two children. You deserve a great deal of respect and love for your strength and courage. Sadly, the legacy of a woman's happiness being associated with marriage is being carried on sister, but I am sure someday we can change that. Lets stay positive that change will come. 

And high five, I am a mess myself most of the times and I don't regret it. ;)

Keep shining! And congratulations on your new life. Cheers! :)

Sister Zeph
Jun 04, 2017
Jun 04, 2017

Your situation is almost like me I had been facing it a lot but now when i am 33 people have accepted it that I have no plan to get married , and I think its reason is that our society has this belief that a purpose of a woman is to make her husband happy and to produce children and without that she cannot be a complete woman, but you and I are changing this perspective because we are successful and complete and have a right to live our lives the way we want, love you my brave sister 

Sambridhi
Jun 05, 2017
Jun 05, 2017

Hello Zeph,

This is not my story. I am telling someone else's story through my words. But I am glad you are doing great with your single independent life,not all can pull of that attitude  so well. Women like you are changing today's perspective and that makes me hopeful of the future. Keep doing your thing, I think you got the fire. Don't let it burn out! 

Love and Regards!

Anoushka Pandey
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017

Stunned and with every sentence I was just going, "yeap very relatable". I am 22 and the only child. My very educated parents who themselves got married late are now concerned that I might be too strong for some guys to consider me as their future wife. I have not even reached a marriageable age and my worth is already set to be determined by marriage and carriage. I feel you sambridhi dii 

Sambridhi
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017

Dear Anoushka,

If you're "too strong" for someone then he is going to be "too bad" for you. All of us deserve the best and settling for less is not an option. I can feel you, after all its the natural trait of most of Nepalese parents to be concerned of their daughter's fate regarding her marriage. Well I am 22 too, and this is one of my cousin's story that I wrote narratively.

Thank you for reading and a feedback. Really appreciate it. ❤