In Hyde's bubble

Samiha Zubair
Posted September 22, 2018 from Pakistan

Why this happened??I don't have answer to it and maybe never will as maybe it was my destiny at that moment in life.I belong to a middle class family and one of three siblings we were content. Every family has it's ups and downs and so it was with us too but it never shook our foundation or maybe my mother never let it.

After my father's demise like most of families in Pakistan with responsibility of three unmarried daughters on her shoulders; she fell for the first suitor that came on her way. I was the middle one and in Pakistan like in many other countries it is supposed to be in chronological order but with the brainwashed insight incurred in my mother who is medical doctor by profession she thought that if I the middle one got married it will provide more prospective suitors for her other daughters. In Islamic faith contract of marriage is everything while engagement and other traditions are all farces which have made many parents kneel their dignity and self respect. As I had graduated as a Medical doctor and was still into postgraduate training so engagement was done. In Pakistan bride is expected to be buried in dowry including the gifts for their in-laws. From young age I was told by my father to say no to dowry and myself felt like I am being roped away like a cow whose price has been settled, so I had refused from the beginning except for some basic gifts by near ones and some gold given as a gift from my mother's side; a family heritage. Marriage date was fixed and for the day exorbitant amount of expenses were drained. No proper scrutiny was done and authenticity of his earnings to this day remain questionable. His sister with her husband had left her inlaws and forced her husband to live with her. She was meddling into everything to the point that his sister wanted to join our honeymoon too with her husband. In marriage contract when i asked about the clause which states that wife has a right to divorce and keep her assets; right given to us by our religion i was told shush !!! As if I was asking something inexplicable.

Two days had passed that I was asked for gold given as a gift from my mother's side to be handed over to his sister with an excuse to be put in his sister's locker to which  I replied that I would prefer it to open a joint locker of me and my husband on which silence ruled on the dining table. In November 2007 after so many years Pakistan was hit by really cold wind in past 20 years or so but I was still asked to reach hospital by myself with sometimes had to walk few miles as public transportation was not available nearby. I couldn't contact my mother as phone line was blocked. I was repeatedly realized by my ex-husband that so many girls interested in marrying him so as to never get the impression that I was worth anything. Eid traditional Islamic festival came and any union of the his family; my family even I came to know when I returned from duty. Also I was told that there is theft in in-laws area but I never came across or felt such thing though I had to commute few miles on foot on a daily basis. Nearly a month had passed when while on duty I was informed that my in-laws residence had been looted and all the jewelry stolen. Though by that time I had returned at least 75% of gold from my mother's side to put in my personal locker. His side gold jewellery was never given to me and was with his sister. Strangely they did not touched anything else and I saw him taking in a cloth bag some jewellery he claimed remained out of thieves eyes. Not even two months had passed that he started pressurizing me into having joint account with him and to transfer small savings I had into his account. When I refused he threatened along with his sister and I was dropped in two clothes at my mother's home only after four months of marriage. I hadn't realized that I was 10 days pregnant. Already I was being tuned that it is my duty to keep family together but I had realized something that I will never return. For nearly four months I was ostracized and even cursed by my own mother who said union was possible. It started affecting my work and I became very much depressed. I was also being threatened by in-laws that they will kidnap me snatch the baby divorce and then return me back. That's when my mother realized what kind of family my mother had married me into. 

My rest of pregnancy I slept most of the time and my mother didn't know if it was due to pregnancy , depression or exhaustion. Finally I delivered a healthy active baby girl by cesarean and when I held her all my thinking aligned. I realized to her i am most important. I got divorced from him and never regretted it.  Life had more though never interested and never paid a cent, he filed for custody to which when asked to attend meetings he was irregular, my daughter was uncomfortable and he was rude. In meetings he just put few bucks worth only 3 or 4 dollars and hinted he is lucky will never have to spent anything on her. Custody was granted to me and finally he applied for meeting withdrawal. 

Life taught me that after God;  education is what helps you and prayers of your good deeds. I taught to O level students and in evening worked in a charity clinic. Finally I got interviewed and selected. I am living abroad and seeing my miracle bloom and always will. From beginning I am teaching her that she is most worthy of all. My debut poetry book got published in 2017. Participated and became one of commendable writer in 2015. Also got published in two poetry anthologies in India. Never knew life will bring me here. Life is a miracle and mystery at the same time 

 

As we label the sky, so we set it's limits.

All of females out there, paradise lies beneath your feet and stars loft you higher so never assume yourself to be worthless.

Comments 10

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Jill Langhus
Sep 23, 2018
Sep 23, 2018

Hi Samiha,

Welcome to World Pulse:-) Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. I'm so glad you were able to end that harmful marriage and to keep your daughter. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your work.

You may want to consider submitting this story, and filling out the corresponding survey on security, for the current story awards: "The future of Security Is Women." You can easily tie this post into this topic or write a different one, too:-) Here is the link: https://www.worldpulse.com/en/voices-rising/story-awards/88510.

Hope you have a great day!

Samiha Zubair
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018

Kindly guide me how to attach this story to the link

Jill Langhus
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018

Okay:-)

1. Copy your story so it's on the clipboard.
2. Then, go to this link: https://www.worldpulse.com/en/voices-rising/story-awards/88510
3. Click on the orange "share your story" button.
4. Copy or type in your title in the top bar.
5. Paste your content that is on your clipboard in the "body" section that has the formatting options above it.
6. Add a cover image, images or media link, if you like.
7. Select the regions that your post is referencing.
8. Select what what issue(s) you wrote about in the post.
9. And, then select "Publish."

Even after you select "publish" you can go back in and edit it as many times as you like, if you don't like how it looks or if you would like to update something.

Hope this helps. You can always private message me if you have any additional questions or concerns.

Good luck with your submission.

Hope you have a great day!

Olutosin
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Thank you very much my darling sister. You are a shero. You won. With God by oir side, we will conquer every obstacle.
I am happy that you daughter will be different. Thank you very much for becoming a good role model to our girls. I am very proud of you. Yes, you are super correct, paradise lies beneath our feet ....
Thank you for sharing this with us.

Adanna
Jan 07
Jan 07

Dear Samiha,

I am sorry for all you have been through.

You are a courageous woman :)

Thank you for sharing.

Love,
Adanna

Beth Lacey
Jan 16
Jan 16

You are very brave and strong to go through all tis and come to the positive place you are today

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Thank you so much for sharing. You are indeed a very strong person and you have emerged victorious. Nothing can hold you back for sure. Always remember to smile and have a positive mind and keep dreaming big.
Stay blessed and looking forward to hearing more of your stories.

Anjana Vaidya
Mar 07
Mar 07

Dear Samiha,
So touched to read you. You are a brave woman, you are so true that paradise lies beneath your feet and never assume yourself to be worthless. keep this spirit as high as always. My love to your little one.
Love and hugs,
anjana

SIMON MUREU
Apr 27
Apr 27

this account is heart feeling and hope would touch many

Samiha Zubair
May 13
May 13

Yes what u want to discuss. Please tell. Thanks