In Hyde's bubble

Samiha Zubair
Posted September 24, 2018 from Pakistan

Why this happened??I don't have answer to it and maybe never will as maybe it was my destiny at that moment in life.I belong to a middle class family and one of three siblings we were content. Every family has it's ups and downs and so it was with us too but it never shook our foundation or maybe my mother never let it.

After my father's demise like most of families in Pakistan with responsibility of three unmarried daughters on her shoulders; she fell for the first suitor that came on her way. I was the middle one and in Pakistan like in many other countries marriage is supposed to be in chronological order but with the brainwashed insight incurred in my mother who is medical doctor by profession she thought that if I the middle one got married it will provide more prospective suitors for her other daughters. In Islamic faith contract of marriage is everything while engagement and other traditions are all farces which have made many parents kneel their dignity and self respect. As I had graduated as a Medical doctor and was still into postgraduate training so engagement was done. In Pakistan bride is expected to be buried in dowry including the gifts for their in-laws. From young age, I was told by my father to say no to dowry and myself felt like I am being roped away like a cow whose price has been settled, so I had refused from the beginning except for some basic gifts by near ones and some gold given as a gift from my mother's side; a family heritage. Marriage date was fixed and for the day exorbitant amount of expenses were drained. No proper scrutiny was done and authenticity of his earnings to this day remain questionable. His sister with her husband had left her inlaws and forced her husband to live with her. She was meddling into everything to the point that his sister wanted to join our honeymoon too with her husband. In marriage contract when i asked about the clause which states that wife has a right to divorce and keep her assets; right given to us by our religion i was told shush !!! As if I was asking something inexplicable.

Two days had passed into marriage that I was asked for gold given as a gift from my mother's side to be handed over to his sister with an excuse to be put in his sister's locker to which  I replied that I would prefer it to open a joint locker of me and my husband on which silence ruled on the dining table. In November 2007 after so many years Pakistan was hit by really cold wind in past 20 years or so but I was still asked to reach hospital by myself and sometimes had to walk few miles as public transportation was not available nearby. I couldn't contact my mother as phone line was blocked. I was repeatedly realized by my ex-husband that so many girls were interested in marrying him so as to never get the impression that I was worth anything. Eid( traditional Islamic festival) came and any union of his family; my family even I came to know when I returned from duty. Also I was told that there is theft in in-laws area but I never came across or felt such thing though I had to commute few miles on foot on a daily basis. Nearly a month had passed when while on duty I was informed that my in-laws residence had been looted and all the jewelry stolen. Though by that time I had returned at least 75% of gold from my mother's side to put in my personal locker. His side gold jewellery was never given to me and was with his sister. Strangely they did not touched anything else and I saw him taking in a cloth bag some jewellery he claimed remained out of thieves eyes. Not even two months had passed that he started pressurizing me into having joint account with him and to transfer small savings I had into his account. When I refused he threatened along with his sister and I was dropped in two clothes at my mother's home only after four months of marriage. I hadn't realized that I was 10 days pregnant. Already I was being tuned that it is my duty to keep family together but I had realized something that I will never return. For nearly four months I was ostracized and even cursed by my own mother who said union was possible. It started affecting my work and I became very much depressed. I was also being threatened by in-laws that they will kidnap me snatch the baby divorce and then return me back. That's when my mother realized what kind of family my mother had married me into. 

My rest of pregnancy I slept most of the time and my mother didn't know if it was due to pregnancy , depression or exhaustion. Finally I delivered a healthy active baby girl by cesarean and when I held her all my thinking aligned. I realized to her i am most important. I got divorced from him and never regretted it.  Life had more, though he was never interested and never paid a cent, he filed for custody to which when asked to attend meetings he was irregular, my daughter was uncomfortable and he was rude. In meetings he just put few bucks worth only 3 or 4 dollars and hinted he is lucky will never have to spent anything on her. Custody was granted to me and finally he applied for meeting withdrawal. 

Life taught me that after God;  education is what helps you and prayers of your good deeds. I taught to O level students and in evening worked in a charity clinic. Finally I got interviewed and was selected. I am living abroad and seeing my miracle bloom and always will. From beginning I am teaching her that she is most worthy of all. My debut poetry book got published in 2017. Participated and became, in one of online competitions, commendable writer in UK in 2015. Also got published in two poetry anthologies in India. Shortlisted among 100 out of 8000 in 2016 and among 120 out of 6000 in UK poetry competition (I was only one from Pakistan).Never knew life will bring me here. Life is a miracle and mystery at the same time 

As we label the sky, so we set it's limits.

All of females out there, paradise lies beneath your feet and stars loft you higher so never assume yourself to be worthless. Education and faith is ultimate wall of security for anyone. 

This story was submitted in response to The Future of Security is Women .

Comments 10

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Jill Langhus
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018

Hi Samiha,

Thanks for your story submission:-) Good luck!!

Tarke Edith
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018

Hello Samiha
Thanks for sharing sister that is what tradition is doing to most girls today and some will never married again

Olutosin
Oct 09, 2018
Oct 09, 2018

Hello please keep on writing. I love you story.

Lisbeth
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018

Thanks for sharing your story and wish you the best.
Greetings

Hello, Sister Samiha,

You've been through so much pain. How admirable of you to turn it into beautiful poetry and published them to serve your readers.

Congratulations on your accomplishments in life. These words touch me and I'm saving it for inspiration:

"As we label the sky, so we set it's limits.

All of females out there, paradise lies beneath your feet and stars loft you higher so never assume yourself to be worthless. Education and faith is ultimate wall of security for anyone. "

Thank you for sharing your story.

Beth Lacey
Feb 15
Feb 15

I wish you and your daughter well.

maeann
Jun 04
Jun 04

Hi Samiha, how are you? I agree when you said and I quote "Education and faith is the ultimate wall of security for anyone" Have a great day!

Samiha Zubair
Jun 12
Jun 12

Thanks

bridggyella
Jun 09
Jun 09

Hello Samiha,
You are a strong woman, you did not allow anything stop you from achieving alot.
Thank you for sharing this Inspiring story.
Cheer!
Bridget

Samiha Zubair
Jun 12
Jun 12

Thanks, n hope you are good too