And then what? Details.

SanPatagonia
Posted January 30, 2017 from Argentina

I read the question a couple of Sundays ago, after finding out that a 28-year-old woman had died in my home town. Her husband had beaten her to death.

"And then what?". A doubt. A silent cry. An eternal hope.

I've been an activist for parity since I can remember. Also, I've never celebrated a victory without knowing it'sbrief, bittersweet and just a small step that can always be taken back. Not even once. Many times, men were not even close to the source of the setback.

Women are women’s wolves. The hardest remarks, the deepest knowing silences and the harshest views tend to come upon us from our sisters in fight.

In my country, #NiUnaMenos (Not One Woman Less) was a massive shout that was heard two years on a row to stop femicide and gender based violence. Last year, the national march was organized for the same day we commemorate National Cancer Day. Some women were heavily criticized because they were wearing black while unifying both causes, and that was a negative message for Cancer Day. Did we stop the killing and the constant abuses of every kind? No. Not at all. We just opened the door for the first one at the very moment of the march.

How lost are we in the cosmetics of it all to prey on one another like that? We are viral yet not contagious in the most effective way.

The question is how we can educate for real change if we keep pretending we are fed up of something we are not willing to stop on daily basis, not even among ourselves.

We find politicians’ outbursts outrageous, but we vote for them--- when we vote at all.

We condemned batterers yet we are willing to sidestep if we know them or are part of our families. And we also vote for them, from time to time, even when accusations have been public.

We let boys know they can do anything and girls know they have to be careful because they are not boys.

We take part in social networks’ debates, passing judgment on those crazy strayed women who say and do whatever they want with their lives.

I could go on and give local, national and international examples for every situation mentioned.

As I finish this post, three reporters on CNN Spanish-network are preying on Ariel Winter’s wardrobe choice for the SAG Awards. I can hear a woman saying, scornfully, it was not right for her body. The segment is supposed to be funny and entertaining. I look at the screen and see a beaming young girl, who works as an actress, in a great gown. She owns it. Yet, her detractors own her, her body, her choices, and her public image in an abusive and network-endorsed way. How many days after #WomensMarch? No new President was there influencing nothing. As far as I could watch, no voices were heard in opposition from the audience.

And then what? An apology, an explanation, a late regret? If there were any, would they really do the trick and bless with oblivion all the damage done? Do we still have time for gallantries when keep getting all the punches?

“God is in the details”, says a very old idiom. Some days I think we are so lost we stop our marches and then go back to the labyrinth were all important details fade away, and all we aim at are grand demonstrations of the strength we have but haven’t learn to use yet in a transforming and meaningful way.

This story was submitted in response to Marching Onward Together.

Comments 6

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Jill Langhus
Jan 31, 2017
Jan 31, 2017

Hi there, You make a very compelling point how hypocritical people can be. People can be unkind to each other; very unkind. We can do better:)

SanPatagonia
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I agree - people can be hypocritical. But as you say we can do better, and there are a lot of people already in this path. If we unite, we can transform the world around us, bit by bit. :)

Jill Langhus
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017

You're welcome. I agree:)

nessa s
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017

"We let boys know they can do anything and girls know they have to be careful because they are not boys."

This is so true throughout the world. And girls have to be careful BECAUSE boys can do anything, and then we turn to boys to "protect" us from other boys, and the cycle just continues...

SanPatagonia
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017

Yes, Nessa... it's a cycle so far unbroken in many places in the world. But I also know there are some parents struggling for a new vision and educating their children in equality, and I see men already standing side by side with no superiority involved. Let's be hopeful and support this little changes around us. We can do it, sister!

nessa s
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017

I hope you are correct. My personal experience as a girl was horrible from the point of view of supposedly 'looking after' my brother while he got away with everything.

At least now as a woman I ensure that I am never taken advantage of by a man or boy. All power to you and me SanPatagonia!