Month 1 draft Assignment

Sarvina Kang
Posted November 29, 2010 from Cambodia

Hi everyone!

Now I am posting my VOF month 1 draft assignment to ask some ideas from you all so it may help me to make my profile better. I am happy to get all your feedback! Thank you:)

My Interview:

Manrath Kong, a young Cambodian talented lady, 25, is working for KruKhmer Organization which is meant in English is Khmer Teacher Organization as a NGO Facility at Siem Ream Town, Cambodia. She is a daughter of a low class family from the south Siem Reap town and her parents have divorced since she was 3 years old. When she finished High School in 2003, she traveled to Phnom Penh City to find a suitable job for supporting her younger brother and sister as well as wish to pursue her study at College. She is now pursuing her Bachelor study in Rural Development at Angkor University. Even she discontinued her study immediately because she has no enough time to study as she has to work hard to earn money for her younger siblings to study and she has also spent time to teach the poor children. Now her younger brother and sister already finished High School and they have also worked at KruKhmer NGO.

Ms. Manrath can speak three languages are Japan, Thai and English which Khmer is her mother tongue language. After she spent 4 years teaching English and Japenese at NGO in Phnom Penh, in 2007 she moved back to live in Siem Reap where has always been heard about Angkor Wat Temple and also her hometown. Since she loves educate young generation how to be strong and to struggle the obstacles, she has still taught Japanese and Thai languages almost 12 years now and she hopes what she has done for them will make them have a bright future.

She said so friendly to me “the first time I arrived in Phnom Penh City where was full of modern things, everyone looked to me as strange as I was walking along the road to my relative’s house and I encouraged and told myself that “I’m a strong lady so I will bring a change back to my village to help the poor people and empower women and girls to study so I have to be brave and go forward without giving up.” She added, finally I got my relative’s house, I felt so happy as I thought I had a family in Phnom Penh but actually what I had thought was just a dream as they weren’t happy to let me stay in their house so I decided to find another place to live. She is a strong lady whose vision is to work and help the poor young girls to study and her plan is to help all the poor people even the disabled people, women or girls.

Until 2008, Ms. Manrath met a Japanese lady who came to visit Angkor Wat in Cambodia and she was so happy to know Ms. Manrath as she was her guide. After they have known each other for awhile, the Japanese lady decided to create an NGO where now called KruKhmer NGO and Ms. Manrath is a partner who controls everything in that NGO. She said that my NGO aim is to empower women and girls to help themselves to live by learning training skill such as knitting, how to make a raw material become a shampoo or soap by using hands without machine etc., the reason we have chosen the raw material to train and teach them to do it because since the Rural Cambodia has still been alarmed so it is the best way for helping them from poverty after they have learned how to make those natural resource by hands so they will be able to use what they have learned to make their own business for helping their living lives.

According to the statistic of the poverty in rural areas in Cambodia has been shown that Poverty in Cambodia, 5.6 million or 40% of Cambodians live below the national poverty line, 4.8 million or 34.1% of Cambodians live on less than $1 a day, 10.9 million or 77.7% of Cambodians live on less than $2 a day, only 57% of children reach Grade 5, Cambodia’s infant mortality rate of 143 deaths per 1000 births is one of the highest in the world, Cambodia has the highest prevalence of tuberculosis in Asia at 700 per 100,000, over 70% of urban dwellers live in slums.

In this point, Ms. Manrath said “When I see their hardship like this, I feel so sad and I asked myself what I should do to help the young children to be illiterate?”. As Cambodia is still being developed and most of poor rural areas cannot get education so I decided to open an English and Japanese Class at home to teach those children for free of charge and I teach them by myself in the evening time and weekend.

In 2009, she met an orphan who was just 5 months at her old organization where she ever worked there. The little child cried and cried and he made her cried too as he reminded her about the day that her parents divorced and her father left her and her mother. So Ms. Manrath decided to take the child as her son even she is still single and this point is a kindness of her that she is happy to raise this little child as Cambodia tradition is still not allowed to have a child before marriage but she does.

I was so surprised to hear that she has adopted a son and I asked her how she feels, “I can live with peace and freedom if just the others say I have a child without a husband or marriage, thus I have never cared their thought because what I have done is just want to save a little child who needs warm from his parents, especially he needs a mother and the saddest thing for me is to leave him at the orphanage organization alone so it is not bad to take and raise him without a husband and marriage”, she said strongly.

Comments 30

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Kat Haber
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Hi Sarvina,

I enjoy reading about Cambodia through your eyes. Thank you. Here are a few English supports, if you wish.

Could you say: Manrath Kong, a talented young Cambodian lady of 25, works for KruKhmer Organization, an NGO Khmer teachers in Siem Ream Town, Cambodia. From a low class southern Siem Reap family, her parents divorced when she was 3 years old. After finishing high school in 2003, she traveled to Phnom Penh City to find a suitable job to support her younger brother and sister and to pursue her college studies. Now she is studying for her Bachelor's degree in Rural Development at Angkor University. Eventhough she discontinued her study, because she did not have enough time to study and had to work hard to earn money for her younger siblings to study. She spent time teaching poor children. Now her younger brother and sister have recently finished their high school and are following her in working also for KruKhmer NGO.

Others want to tackle next paragraphs?

Sarvina Kang
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Hi Kat,

Many thanks for your help! Yeah it can help my writing improved and better if all the paragraphs are tackled. I will edit it. Thank you so much for your correction on my paragraph!!! Wish you best of luck!

Regards, Sarvina

Vivian Emesowum
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Hello Sarvina,

You have done a nice job. I could sense your passion for Ms Manrath.

However, I really appreciate how Kat has paraphase it for you. I would have been the first to do that but I was struck of how to start then I slept off. She has also done a nice job for you. Also I would say that you should have another paragraph, telling about her work and its impact to the people she teachers.

Well done sister, it is not easy, we are all learning and this is one of it. Surely, we will get there.

Sarvina Kang
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Hi Vivian,

So happy to get your feedback! Yeah Kat helps me to paraphrase it. I'm really thankful to her! Thanks so much for helping me more and yes I will write another information.

Sure it is not easy and I have tried so hard to write it and now it is wonderful that I can get some more ideas, change on my article.

Thanks & Regards, Sarvina

warona
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Dear Sarvina

Well as for me English iin my country is my second language.The only worry that i can get is when my message is not clear,is not well conyed, i get pained,but as long as my message can be translated and be tangible to the readers and heares am become so excited.However, i also would like to add on your post.I think the very first line on the the third paragraph from the bottom,that word illeterate should be literate - because if you are literate you have education and if you are illiterate you have no education - so i think the sentence should read : i feel so said and i asked myself what should i do to help the young children to be LITERATE!

Anyway thanks sweety for your post,you 've done a great job,its not an easy thing.

Best Regards

Warona

Sarvina Kang
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010

Hi Warona,

Of course English is also my second language and especially I haven't studied it a lot so I cannot use it properly. Anyways I can say your English is very good and I love it so much and all the articles and comments you have posted are very interesting and wonderful. Not many mistakes you have made! So we are still learning then we have to try more and more to improve our Language.

And yes I am appreciate to get your feedback and so happy you help me with this writing!

Thanks & Regards, Sarvina

Nilima Raut
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

You have made it out finally and so good to know about an woman who is so generous and kind. It shows that an woman can play any role in her life at the time of need. She can be as much as powerful as earth , she can be as much as soft as air, she can be as much as bold as mountains, she can be as much as imaginative as the sky and she can be as lovely as mother's love any time.

GREAT Work Sarvina!

Sarvina Kang
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

Thank you so much for encouraging me Nilima! I have tried so hard to translate in English as I interviewed her in Khmer languagem, thus my editorial midwife and mentor are helping me with this.

Love, Sarvina

Nilima Raut
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

ya same happened to me, its quite difficult to do that!! anyway we did it, lets see other's say about it:)

Sarvina Kang
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

Of course Nilima, we finally post our drafts and we are waiting the others help us to correct or give more idea on our profile.

Nilima Raut
Dec 03, 2010
Dec 03, 2010

:) agree with you!

Jana Potter
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

Sarvina, I really enjoyed reading your draft. It seems you have a good rapport with Ms. Manath, her work and her spirit. I congratulate you on writing so well in English. Yes, there are corrections I would make but despite them, (English is a difficult language!), your meaning is clear and Ms. Manath emerges as a kInd and caring woman with all the courage and strength it takes to make a difference in challenging circumstances. I send warm reagrds to both of you! Thank you!

Sarvina Kang
Dec 02, 2010
Dec 02, 2010

Dear Potter,

Many thanks for your encouragement! Yeah I did record the sound and write also so it could make my interview clearer, this as it's my first time to interview so I think I asked her lack of information. Of course writing an article in English is so difficult for me as most of words I don't really know in English and when I tried to check dictionary, it's said Have NO this word. Wow soo....it is the most barrier for me all time I use English. Yes she is a wonderful lady in my community even she is just a normal lady, not involve in politic either human right but she has a real heart to empower poor people and girls to get higher education. I do really love her! Wish you all the best!

Love, Sarvina

Rachael Maddock-Hughes
Dec 03, 2010
Dec 03, 2010

Dear Sarvina,

It sounds like Ms. Manrath has had an interesting and challenging life. This is a wonderful start Sarvina and I think it is a strong profile piece. I would love to give you a few suggestions, if you don't mind!

-The background on Ms. Manrath is very detailed, and I think it would be great if you could start your article with a small summary, because there is a lot of information there! -I would love to know if part of her inspiration for teaching others and starting her NGO, has been her own struggle with receiving an education (ie, when she had to drop out of school, what happened after that? Was she able to get her education after all?) -And I would definitely like to know more about what her NGO has accomplished so far, and why you find her inspiring.

Great use of quotes and statistics in this piece Sarvina! You're doing a great job.

Cheers,

Rachael

Sarvina Kang
Dec 03, 2010
Dec 03, 2010

Hi Rachael,

Many thanks to you Rachael! I am so appropriate to get your suggestions and the others as it only makes my profile better and better. I am editing my profile now and all of your comments here have helped me much.

Thanks & Regards, Sarvina

Marian Hassan
Dec 05, 2010
Dec 05, 2010

Dear Sarvina,

Sorry for been such a late comer, you have really done a great work and i can see you have been given enough suggestions, go girl i know you have done it by now. cant wait to read your final one.

Warmest regards.

Sarvina Kang
Dec 05, 2010
Dec 05, 2010

Dearest Maryan,

Thank you so much friend for commenting my draft. I know you have been kept so busy with your work and VOF assignment. And yes you have posted your draft.

Love, Sarvina

Marian Hassan
Dec 06, 2010
Dec 06, 2010

Dear Sarvina,

Yeah finally i did it though i was so worried to miss the deadline, i have been down with typhoid again with almost two weeks but now am back.

Cheers, Marian

Sarvina Kang
Dec 06, 2010
Dec 06, 2010

Dearest Marian,

Glad to hear you are better now, thus take care your health first. Typhoid is a dangerous decease so please be careful, don't do something hard..it can make you down again. Now you have done it with the powerful article.

Love, Sarvina

Marian Hassan
Dec 06, 2010
Dec 06, 2010

Thanks dear i will.

Lots of love, Marian

Lehner
Dec 07, 2010
Dec 07, 2010

Dear Sarvina,

It seems I'm a little slow on the up-take (an American expression). Congratulations on your timely first draft, no easy task, I can imagine, writing it in your second language.

I come away with an extraordinary sense of the strength, self-determination, and courage Ms. Manrath carried within her. The visual of Ms. Manrath arriving in a big city from the countryside, being turned away from her only relatives, the inevitable loneliness that she must have felt, really impacted me as I sit here in my cosy apartment on a exceedingly cold and windy New England December night. You conveyed to me the deep compassion that clearly is the driving force behind Ms. Manrath's choices and left me thinking about my own choices.

I was a little confused by the details in the beginning. The resume details of her life are easier to read when they are off-set by the vivid, in the moment description of her arriving alone in a big city or of her emotional response to the crying baby. Less is often more. Also remember that many of us have never been to Cambodia. Try to see it through the eyes of a complete new-comer - the colors, smells, buildings, street venders. Tell a story. The world over loves a good story!

Most importantly keep writing a lot - I can tell that you enjoy writing and I am in awe of your ability to write so coherently in a second language!!!

XOX

Monica

Sarvina Kang
Dec 07, 2010
Dec 07, 2010

Dearest Mentor,

Really thanks for taking to read my profile and encouraging me! Yeah it is so hard for me to write it thus I am so happy to get more ideas to help my assignment better. Of course, she is so wonderful..I love the way she is acting and empowering the others. I have many info of her but just I don't know how to include and write her profile.

I have edited it and also sent you a rewrite one! Talk to you soon:)

Love, Sarvina

Lehner
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

IDear Sarvina, I look forward to settling down and reading the rewrite later today. You have a wonderful passion for writing and for the topic - keep it alive!

xo

Monica

Sarvina Kang
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

Dearest Mentor,

Thank you so much! You always encourage me and give me idea..I will try with effort. Oh I have just receieved your email in my gmail...Have a nice day!

Love, Sarvina

Lehner
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

Just to confirm, Sarvina. I will call your cell on Sat. at 8 am. We can see if that has clearer reception. That we we can touch base before your interview on Sunday. I am going to check pulse wire daily just to check in!!! I am heading off to my daughter's school to help with the pizza lunch.

Love,

monica

Sarvina Kang
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

Dearest Mentor,

Thank you so much! Yeah I am waiting for your call. Wow you had a great pizza lunch time this morning...with your daughter. She might be so happy to have you help pizza lunch for her. Good night to you and your children!

Love, Sarvina

Lehner
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

By the way, where do you post your assignment? WIll it be in your journal?

Best,

Monica

Sarvina Kang
Dec 08, 2010
Dec 08, 2010

Yeah I will post my assignment in my Personal Journal. Waiting to get your comment!!!

Love, Sarvina

NI AYE
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 14, 2010

Dear lovely sister

I wish I could honor you and Manrath Kong for this wonderful article .It's amazing! I like her language skills, vision and commitments for the community. I really like her projects training and teaching. I am sure she can reduce the percentage of the poverty rate in your country. Her another thing impress me is adopting a child. How kind of her it was! Sister you really met a powerful women. Well done!

Lovingly

NI NI

Sarvina Kang
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 14, 2010

Dear sister NI NI!

Thank you so much for encouraging! Yes she is an extraordinary woman and always inspires me how to stand up. It is my final assignment which has been added more detail. http://www.worldpulse.com/node/32055

Love, Sarvina