State of mind

I was talking to a male counterpart earlier.  He had been sharing his marital woes, and the barraging he had recently received from his wife.  The more he spoke, the more I sympathised, and at the end I had to say to him, “What you are telling me is such a familiar story, I have felt exactly like your wife does.”  And it was looking into a mirror as he spoke.

His wife is depressed.  She feels like she needs a break, nothing is exciting in her life, and she feels that her husband is not doing enough to be supportive of her.  I understand her frustration.  I have felt like that often enough.  Its difficult to explain to another how the frustration and depression can just fall on you like a sudden shower.  One moment life is just life, and the next life is so boring you want to run away from it.

It’s the feeling you get when you get fed up with the same old routine, doing things the same way the same time all the time.  It’s the feeling you get when you begin to feel bored with your hairstyle, your daily meals, your clothes or your husband.  You cant believe this is your life and it hasn’t changed for a long time. 

Like my friend’s wife, I would lash out to the one closest to me.  I would be angry at my husband for his inability to quickly understand what I was saying implicitly.  I would start daydreaming, sometimes aloud, about how my life would be different if I had made different choices in the past.

The conversation with my friend was revealing for me.  I suddenly realised that the things I feel are things other women probably feel as well.  I think sometimes you feel worse because it appears its only happening to you, that no one understands, and mostly because at the time you may not quite understand what’s happening to you either.

Unfortunately, in my culture mental wellness is not recognised as a real thing.  There is no understanding, no support, and no resources available for dealing with these issues.  Even when it becomes a marital crisis, where a wife is lashing out to her husband from unconscious feelings and the husband is overwhelmed, there is no learned approach that can console both parties. 

It reminds me of the article I read here that spoke of safe places in society.  I would like a safe place for my mind, where I can lash out when I’m frustrated without hurting someone else; a place where my rantings are correctly interpreted, and I can quickly diffuse the emotional bomb inside me.  I would like to see more programs that address mental wellness, emotional support and counselling for everyday living.