THEY ALSO COUNT!

Roselyn Achamber
Posted May 31, 2019 from Nigeria

I am a Single mother who lives in a Small town called Gboko, Benue State Nigeria. The rate at which teenage girls get pregnant here is very high. Most have to leave school and are sent away from their homes. Some attempt to abort the pregnancies illegally and some end up loosing their lives.

Others give birth to those babies and abandon them or smother them to death in other to be free of the " curse". Others are forced into early marriages in order not to stain the reputation of their families. Others are given off to men who are old enough to be their grandfathers and have many wives and children in order to do away with the " Curse."

I was privileged to have an Educationist father who refused to give me up and faced the shame of accommodating a "Disgraceful"l daughter, and saw me through Higher Education. He helped me also take care of my son whose father denied getting me pregnant. My son is out of High School now and is preparing to go to the University.

I now choose to speak on behalf of such girls in my community although no one pays me any mind. Some shake their heads and proclaim pity for my late dad who chose to keep such an abomination.( Me) I am even threatened to be beaten up if I go ahead with my campaign.

I speak to the few I can privately because I cannot be caught by family members of such girls who would even kill me if the y know I am giving encouragement of any kind to their daughter to keep their babies or not loose help.

Single mothers in my community are Stigmatized and some cannot even walk about confidently. Men secretly ask them for sex in exchange for money to care for their children. They are vulnerable to Prostitution and poverty and disease. Their children are prone to hunger, lack of Shelter and illiteracy as the mothers cannot afford to send them to school.

I call on all well meaning women  to come to the aid of these girls as there is only very little I can do. They need support in shelter, food, clothing and education for their kids.  They also need to be trained in various skills and trade to become self subtenant.

Comments 23

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Jill Langhus
May 31
May 31

Hi Roselyn,

Welcome to World Pulse, dear! Thanks for sharing your very sad story and situation. I wish you could help them more. I will share your story with some sisters and see what I can do as this shouldn't be happening and something needs to be done. It's good that you're trying to help and bringing awareness around this topic. Hang in there, and please stay safe:-)

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 01
Jun 01

Thank you dear Jill.
I am most touched by the show of love by sisters here.
This really SHOULDN'T be happening, but I assure you it is happening! I have battled with feelings of worthlessness, despair. I was depressed most of the times and I am ashamed to confess that I had had suicidal thoughts!
The only thing that has kept me going is my kids and the sense of duty I have towards them, and all the other girls and women I come across who are worse off than I am.
I really do need help especially in Creating Awareness and working towards changing the attitudes of my people towards single mothers here!
I am trying my best to keep out of trouble because there is so much that can go wrong with all the Chauvinists here!

Jill Langhus
Jun 01
Jun 01

You're very welcome, dear!

Glad to hear it:-)

I bet you have. I'm glad you reached out, for sure. Oh, don't be ashamed, dear. I'm sure it was, and is overwhelming. Please do reach out to one of us, or someone that is close to you, though, if you ever have suicidal thoughts in the future, though, dear.

I think you could reach out to Tessy as well as Florence, to help you with empowering the women/changing attitudes in your village.

Please keep us posted on your progress and registering your organization.

TessyA
Jun 02
Jun 02

Thanks Jill. for all your help.

Jill Langhus
Jun 03
Jun 03

You're welcome:-) Thank you!

Lisbeth
May 31
May 31

You welcome to world pulse and congrats on your first story. Its very sad to hear what's happening in your community. What's are the authorities doing about it? I wish you can be able to do something about it. Wish you the best on your new project.
Regards

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 01
Jun 01

Dear Lisbeth,
Thank you so much .
The authorities are doing nothing because it is an issue they would rather not be involved with! As far as everyone here is concerned, when an unmarried girl gives birth, she is just a useless and ungrateful daughter that should be punished severely by been abandoned to her own fate!

TessyA
May 31
May 31

Hello Roselyn,
Your courage and tenacity is commendable. Like Jill said, hang on there and take care of yourself as I'm sure that help will come. However, I don't think the only solution is providing the needs of the victims- there's also the need to addressing root cause, which is working to change people's orientation about the situation. I will be willing to assist in any way I can and thanks to Jill, for sharing in another platform

Jill Langhus
May 31
May 31

Thanks so much, Tessy, and welcome to World Pulse!!!

I totally agree that the root cause and attitudes need to change... big time!!!

You're welcome!

Looking forward to seeing some awesome updates on this situation!

florence kekong
May 31
May 31

Greetings, JL. Thanks. My Dad is doing well. Learning to walk on a new way in his old age, with crutches. In God we trust.

Jill Langhus
Jun 01
Jun 01

Hello dear,

You're welcome:-)

Very good to hear! Oh, dear. That doesn't sound:-(

Hope you're having a good day!

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 01
Jun 01

Dearest Tessy,
Thank you so much. I totally agree with you but you would also agree with me that working to change a peoples thinking is not a mean feat, especially when it come to this very issue. That is why I am calling for help in every way possible on this issue.
The African Society is highly moralist Society and when it comes to issues pertaining to the Female , the Bar is raised so high to near impossible.
Meanwhile, the immediate needs of the girls that have been sent away from their homes remain even as we work on Creating Awareness. Thank You.

florence kekong
May 31
May 31

Hello, Roselyn, greetings. Thanks for sharing your story. I am from Boki, close to Ogoja, neighbouring Gboko. I wish that I had met with you when I stayed some days with my father who was hospitalized at Mkar Hospital at Gboko. Ogoja isn't far from Gboko so we can work together (if you so wish) to see how far we can try. A lot needs to be done for girls in your communities, particularly, the most hit by Fulani invasion.
You may wish to get across to me, so that we can reason out things together.
My Facebook name is Florence Kekong
My email: florakekong_michaels@yahoo.com
Hoping to here from you soonest.
Kind regards.
Florence Kekong

Jill Langhus
May 31
May 31

Thank you so much dear, Florence:-) I hope your dad is okay?

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 01
Jun 01

Dearest Florence,
Thank you my dear sister! I sympathise with you on your father's health. I pray he gets well.
I would really appreciate and welcome your support and I believe with you by me, we will do a lot. I will send you a mail on your yahoo mail right now!
Here is my email and Mobile no.
dookwase@gmail.com
08144304672

Ndueso Young
May 31
May 31

Dear Roselyn,

I just want you to know that you’re doing a great work trying to help these young girls.

And it’s so sad to know that in this age and time the people of the community cannot understand that you’re trying to shade these girls from being exposed to negativities that can ruin their future.

I’ll suggest that you look out for people in your community who understand the situation. For security and your safety, get law enforcement agents, plus lawyers informed about your activities. Try to partner with some functional NGO’s operating in your environment.

May you find courage, strength and faith to keep holding on.

Jill Langhus
Jun 01
Jun 01

Thanks Ndueso for your supportive comments.

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 01
Jun 01

Dear Ndueso
Its really sad that with all the work on the advancement of Women's rights in this age and time you will discover that there is still a lot to be done. I mean, A WHOLE LOT! Because it will surprise you to know that Women are at the Fore front of castigating and condemning us in our community!
Some do that out of compulsion because they dont want to be seen as supporting MORAL DEGRADATION! Ha haha! Funny! Some sympathise but that is the much they can do.
YES! I am working on getting the authorities involved in my work but it easier said than done.
I cannot afford getting my Organization registered with the COrporate Affairs at the moment as it involves a large amount. Meanwhile I discreetly give the little support and help I can as that is always a matter of urgency!

Hello, Roselyn,

Thank you for your bravery to share your observations on your community. Oh, how heartbreaking it is to know these women are not valued and respected. I hope you can connect with our World Pulse sisters.

Kudos to you for fighting against the norms. You have a safe place here. Please keep update us.

Welcome to World Pulse!

Roselyn Achamber
Jun 03
Jun 03

Dear Karen
Thank you so much for your encouragement.
This story is also the story of my life so I am fighting for theirs as well as my life!

You’re welcome, Roselyn. How brave you truly are. Yes, please keep fighting!

Carolyn Seaman
Jun 24
Jun 24

Indeed they count! Everyone really should count! I applaud your courage and passion for these women and girls. Jill graciously shared your story with me and asked me to connect with you. Apologies for my timing too. I don’t yet work in your community but I know some women who actively work in Benue and I am happy to do a few introductions hoping they currently have programs they can stretch to your community. Please, send me an email with a very short brief and a link to this story and I can share with my friends to connect further with you directly.
Again, thank you for your warm and gracious heart for girls and women. May we change our world to a better place by our actions. Thank you.

Carolyn Seaman

Carolyn Seaman
Jun 24
Jun 24

Please, send me a private message and we can speak further. Thanks