Time and patience

Vidya Rajagopalan
Posted April 15, 2020 from India

I’m mad, that’s what my mom said when I raked my skin

I’m crazy, that’s what my brother claimed when I cried inconsolably

Something has gotten into you, that’s what my dad decided when I gorged myself on food or ate morsels of rice

I don’t know what came over me but all I wanted was vengeance, to prove them that I am neither crazy nor suicidal

But the billiards balls of time and ignited wave of patience had other plans predestined for me

Time razed rampant on every decision that seduced me:

Come on you witch, work with me, just pick one action already, why do you slog your ass on admiring your final view on the balcony? Why do you wonder which juice to pour into the glass when you’re not really thirsty? What has happened to your studies? Just take out the book and read something. I won’t always be tailing you or trailing behind for you so that you could find me auspicious enough to change. You’ve to do it now or forever regret your decisions, it’s up to you now, choose the spree or lose me

Patience tethered me to the soil upon which my soul shattered itself into millions and wept through my blood seeping through my skin:

Just breathe my love, don’t listen to Time, it just wants you to speed your age limit obscuring you from enjoying every moment with yourself and loved ones. Now, you always will have a third option if two options seem too underwhelming and that’s always out of the box and you need to really think. By raking your skin you’re neither going crazy nor are giving up, it’s a sign that you’re battling it in an unhealthy manner; by not studying you’re neither lazy nor indifferent, you’re boxing it to another day; by choosing whether you want to overeat or starve yourself, you’re neither harming yourself nor being conscious about your weight, you’re balancing the scales to find an appetite. See, there’s always an upside, a grey area and an alternative. Stop timing time, its sand grains wait for none. You need to learn to be the equalizer and never tip the scales. You do that by breathing and observing your thoughts

Right at that moment faith stepped in:

Listen to Patience child. Through alternatives you create a change, by thinking differently and diverting your decisions proactively you end up changing the person who you were. Entrust me to create change for you, it’ll provide results that will be reasonable if not fruitful. I might not yield to your thoughts because I know they’re manipulative and at times even obnoxious. But you have to believe in me and hope that you will never wane away while I’m still hovering over you. I am the dandelion to your thorny shrub. I’m the foil to your uncertainty

This is the point when I realize mental health doesn’t require specific labels, it exists and its cure is a societal norm not a taboo. Just have your fervent faith and patience and even the hailstorm will bow before you and the blindness and deafness will bloom away from your life

 

 

 

Comments 10

Log in or register to post comments
Jill Langhus
Apr 15, 2020
Apr 15, 2020

Hello Vidya,

How are you and your family doing? Thanks for sharing your introspective story. I'm glad that it sounds like you've overcome some inner challenges, and that you're achieved some inner peace.

Anita Shrestha
Apr 15, 2020
Apr 15, 2020

Thank you for sharing

Beth Lacey
Apr 16, 2020
Apr 16, 2020

You have overcome some great challenges. I hope you can stay strong

otahelp
Apr 19, 2020
Apr 19, 2020

Dear Vidya the internal conflict and challenges are the great to overcome and it takes a very serious minded person to overcome them. i am happy for you. Trust you are safe so also your family.

Thelma obani 2020
Apr 20, 2020
Apr 20, 2020

Do not judge yourself too harshly.. your doing well dear.. stay safe❤❤❤

Chi8629
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020

Hello Beautiful,.
Thank you for sharing.
Please stay indoors and safe .

Fabiola Estrada
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020

Hola Vidya, thank you so much for sharing. Keep strong and hold to the good moments. Sending a lot of positive thinking to you.

KatrinaTahoe
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020

Continue to use your writing to find your balance, your focus, and yourself. Find the calm waters there. Stay safe.

Laetitia Shindano
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020

Chère Vydia

Merci de nous partager les différentes moments de ta vie et comment tu as vaincu les obstacles . Il faut avoir de la détermination dans la vie.
Courage.

Laetitia

Paulina Nayra
Apr 22, 2020
Apr 22, 2020

Dear Vidya,
Thank you for trusting us with your internal conversation. There's so many things to be anxious about in our daily lives. We become confused whether we have options or none at all. There's the pressure from parents, partners and society. How do we manage? Take time to appreciate ourselves- what do we have- talents, resources, loved ones. What are we grateful for today? and everyday? These conversations with the self can keep one secure and confident with oneself. No matter what they say....

Huugssss.