How Technology Violated Me - Today I used my experience to empower other girls in my village



Today I used my experience to empower other girls in my village



“I am so shy that sometimes I don’t even tell them that I was the victim”.



It was all ears as I listened. With a cup of water and a bowl of peanuts I thought I could handle this. Yes. I finally got her to speak out after all these years. Even if she couldn’t tell her story by herself, it was a story that the world had to know somehow, I said to myself. I have tried all these years to make her speak out by herself not only as a way of bringing healing to herself, but because, as saying goes a problem shared is half solved. It was but also as a means to helping others avoid making the same mistake; how she could turn her trial into triumph by using her bad experience to help others.



“I am sorry,” she said “this is too much for me, I cannot do it. I believe I have to let go… Talking about it would remind me of those horrible moments…”



“Okay,” I said “speak to me and I will be your voice to the world.” And so she went on….



“It all started like this…“Every girl on campus had one or was in the process of trying to get one. It was the big thing trending, I couldn’t wait to get mine. How I was going to get it was irrelevant - I was either going to beg, borrow or steal!”



“So what are we talking about here?” I asked.



“BB of course,” she answered.



“What is BB?”, I asked



“The almighty Black Berry mobile phone”



“Ooo-oh okay… I see-ee”, I said.



She continued, “Even the ‘JAMBites’ had it and there I was a whole 2nd year student still not connected. You know when you get a BByour movements changed and, I mean, you kind of catwalk and talk like an ’Oyinbo’ or an ‘Ajeabutter’. Your friends are jealous of you as you are now in a different league than them.”



“Okay. JAMbites, Oyinbo and Ajeabutter - strange words, hmmm”, I uttered



“JAMbites are new intakes into the University having just passed their Join Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) exams, that’s what we called them. Onyinbo is a local terminology for white people and Ajeabutter are, yes, spoiled kids from rich homes”.



Whoa! I nodded my head. She carried on…



“I came from a very poor background, as a matter of fact, coming to university was the first time that I had left my village to come to live in the city. My parents struggled to sell their farm produce and had gotten into debts to send me to university. My roommate, who I had watched for many months chatting online with her BB, was living the campus life that I was still dreaming of. She had a handsome boyfriend who brought her all these goodies, and pick her up in his nice car for dinner out of campus most evenings. She spends most of her time on her Black Berry Messenger (BBM) chatting with him. As I lay on my bed the pings and messages coming from her phone couldn’t annoy me more but I truly envied her, for then I could only but dream”.



‘Hey Chika,’ as she was called, ‘I envy you, my friend!’



”I really do not know what is taking you this long, Ngozi.You are a beautiful girl. Get yourself a campus boyfriend for a start, use him to buy yourself a BB and then you can begin your chat world adventure. I bet you it will only be a matter of time before you get a Mr. Right”. Chika replied.



“Every evening as I lay on my bed after preps I could listen to Chika’s voice echoing in my subconscious,” “…..Ngozi get yourself a …..You’re a beautiful girl…begin your chat world adventure….get a Mr Right”. So I became determined to make it a reality.



“After a couple of weeks, I started going out with a boy on campus with the aim of using him to get my BB. It happened sooner than I had thought, as it was the beginning of term. I managed to make him use his pocket money to buy me a BB. It would not long before I join many chat rooms with a lot of excitement. I knew I had arrived - cat-walking the campus and chatting away in bed every anytime except when next to my new boyfriend. I was on every social media and gained many followers, I became very popular. Yes! I got what I wanted. It was time for me to start getting really chatty and searching. With many followers I open my mind wide and deep. I had to make sure I got the best but how was I going to get this by mere chatting?”



‘Ok,’ I said to myself ‘I will ask lots of questions and look for attractive guys only. So I set my criteria – tall, dark and handsome, physical, smartly dressed, etc…I added with a coat and tie most of the time. Coat and tie show seriousness and professional business-like look, therefore; rich, I concluded. My friend Chika, my chief adviser, told me I also had to get myself attracted to my followers.
‘Hmmm… what can I do? Send nude pictures of myself with fake hair and beautifully applied make up on my face?’”



“Finally I met this guy who attracted my attention with the kind of words I wanted to hear. We started chatting a lot. He sounded so nice in his chats that we got intimate in our chats. I got carried away that I started sending him nude pictures of myself even though in terms of knowing him all he had told me was his first name, Don. I will call him D - and D for darling too.



I was stupid - very stupid indeed.



I started making trouble with my on-campus boyfriend so that we could break up.



I was getting too anxious to meet Don. All he had told me was that he was a chartered accountant. Woah! I started seeing myself with this professional accountant. I gave him my number, he would call many times a day.



My studies were now weighing on me. I had failed most of my tests and it meant really little to me. I pestering Don to visit me in Enugu, where my university was. He hesitated at first but I kept insisting and even offered to pay his transport but he said no worries he could pay his transport fare. Eventually he called me one day and said he was less busy and ready to come and visit me. I was head over heels. Full of excitement! I decided to keep his visit a secret in case someone on campus knew and send words to my parents. By this time I had broken up with my boyfriend”.





I looked at the bottle of water I was holding in my hand. I had not taken a sip out the bottle although it had been opened for the last half an hour as I listened, the peanuts sweating in my palm not a single one in my mouth yet and I was saying in my mind “for r-e-a-l? seriously? Meeting this complete stranger and excited?”



“I could only listen to Ngozi”, she carried on.



“My dear, this is the beginning of my troubles”, she said. “With my little overnight bag packed I headed off to the hotel where we promised to meet. As I walk into the reception, there was a gentleman - tall, handsome and well dressed with a tie and suit. I knew straight away it was Don. It suddenly dawned on me that he had never sent his picture through with the excuse of he does not want to spoil the surprise for me. He smiled at me and I smiled back,



‘You must be Ngozi’



And you must be Don?”



”We hugged each other and he picked up the keys and we headed to the room he had reserved.”



I bent my head as Ngozi started to weep. I stood up, gently rubbing her back as she said:



“I wish I had known better, I wish I was warned of the dangers of online chat rooms, I was blinded, I was a fool”



“It’s alright,” I said “it is all behind you now. At least you are now in the position to warn other girls about the dangers.”



“You’re right Stelz” she said. Then she continued as she wiped her eyes.



“Well we got in to the room and the door slammed behind us. We started chatting but before I could make myself comfortable he started undressing”



”What?”, I said. “Let’s have a drink and relax. We’ve got the whole weekend for us!’



‘You have but not me’, he said.



‘B-b-but you said you were coming for the weekend?’



‘What weekend?’ he replied.



He became very ugly and dragged me onto bed and said if I should dare shout I will become dead meat.



Am I dreaming? I started to panic sweating like mad. What have I gotten myself into? I tried to shout but he pinned me down on the bed, removed a tape from his pocked and taped my mouth. I closed my eyes and waited for the worst.



He raped me a couple of times, my hand tied to the bed. Tears running down my face. He said



‘I want to teach stupid girls like you a lesson.’



He punched me in the face and slammed me on the wall ‘You came to see and used your mogul accountant isn’t it? This time around I am not going to let you. A university student like you made me empty my bank account for her and she disappeared! This is now my turn and I will deal with you’



He raped me, again.



A couple of days later I woke up in a hospital bed with a broken arm, two long razor marks on my face and he had made cuts on my ears.”



“Ngozi, I am so sorry. Please stop crying”, I said as I comforted her with a hug.





“How can my education end like this, no degree, permanent scars on my face and ears? I brought shame to my family and to my village. I feel empty and worthless. I could never own a mobile phone for many years. Look at me. I don’t even have the guts to go out from this village.



“Technology violated me. The most I do now is go to most of the schools in my village and women social groups telling them about this experience so that our girls will not fall victim too. I am so shy that sometimes I don’t even tell them that I was the victim”.



It has been an hour listening to my friend. I hugged her and assured her that it is well. “At least you came out of this alive and I can assure you that you are doing the best thing ever - using your story to empower other women not to fall prey to social media dangers”.



“The advent of mobile technology has been one of the greatest innovations of all times”, I said to her. ”BUT we must be very careful as it can positively impact our lives as well as having a very negative impact. Courage Ngozi. My hope and prayer is that you will plug the courage to go beyond the walls of the village to empower more women. I am very grateful for giving me this opportunity to tell your story to World Pulse. Hopefully many people will read and share it widely. Be strong, my dear”.

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