MY ADVICE TO EVERY GIRL.

Stephanie Mah
Posted July 21, 2018 from Cameroon
On a happy day.
On this sunny day, i was full of joy.

In Africa and Cameroon in particular men pay more attention to ladies or girls who are virgins because a woman’s dignity is her virginity. To fine virgins in Cameroon is not very easy so every parent always try as much as they can to keep their children virgins till marriage not just because of the high bride price they will demand but because they want to protect their children from troubles and this was my case.

The experience I had keeping my virginity till marriage was not hard which is not always the case for many girls because of the influence of friends and families they grow into. But once you keep it till marriage honestly to me, it gives you added respect especially from Mr. Right. I was able to keep mine till marriage firstly because of God and I thank him for that and the family I grew up into. My family especially my dad had high expectations from me and that alone kept me going. I lived my life in a way that people respected me not because of my outward beauty but because of the way I carried myself with humility and self-confidence. So many men asked me out but I refused because I had a dignity to preserve.

I did not acquire the education I wanted because of insufficient finances, so at 17, my father paid for me to learn hair dressing. There I met a different world because the girls there, who were ready to do anything for money. Honestly it was not easy keeping myself up. There in the workshop we talked about every aspect of life and I enjoyed it because I learnt so much from them. They told me how they escape their parent homes to go clubbing and meet boyfriends and the pleasure they derive from it. I was to them like mother Mary and they even laughed at me. The fact that I was a virgin disturbed them and at times even me because I saw how happy they spoke about it and the fulfillment they felt.

I was happy for them and I prayed that God should give me a suitable partner and he really did because few days later a man came asking me out that is to be his girl friend but I refused. He persisted and I finally felled for him. He was really a gentle man and he never asked me for sex. We went on like that and he proposed marriage to me and I said yes. I took him to my parent and he did the traditional rites but did not complete it.

Few months on, he invited me to his house and asked me to have sex with him but I refused and told him to complete the marriage rites first. We left his house and he dropped me at the workshop. All my friends were asking how it was for the first time but I told them we did nothing. They were disappointed in me and mocked at me but I didn’t disturbed myself again because I knew what I wanted. My fiancée finished the marriage rites just in a month and within the weeks he said he didn’t want to see me because it was tempting so we all bore the desire till he finished everything. We consumed our love after our marriage.

Keeping your virginity till marriage is not easy, I repeat it’s not easy especially here in my community. Keeping it does not only preserve you but it equally safe you from unwanted pregnancies, STDs and early marriages because of pregnancies. Therefore to every girl I advise and urge you to keep it because I believe it will make you a woman of great substance, be that woman the world will admire and desire and your children will follow your steps.

 

 

This story was submitted in response to Share On Any Topic.

Comments 8

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Jill Langhus
Jul 21, 2018
Jul 21, 2018

Hi Stephanie,

Thanks so much for sharing your honest and vulnerable story. I agree with you that it takes a lot of discipline to remain a virgin and unfortunately you will be ridiculed for it, but I'm glad that you stuck to what was important for you.

I had taken a similar course, too. I waited to have sex until I was with my fiance, now husband. I had the romantic notion, though, that I wanted it to be both of our first times, as I see it as an important and intimate exchange that is sometimes not taken very seriously or as a sacred transaction. I also don't agree that there is always a double standard. I think it's improving, at least in some countries, but it still seems like men can have it as often as they want and pretty much with whoever they want and are necessarily judged. Of course this isn't the case for women, but it should be. It shouldn't have a reflection on a women's value, character or desirability. I hope this outdated viewpoint drastically changes within my lifetime to be honest, because it just isn't right.

Stephanie Mah
Jul 31, 2018
Jul 31, 2018

Hi Jill
Thank you for going through my story and acknowledging that you had the same experience .sister l really believe that because we keep our vicinity ,we are respected in our marige life today l hope l will teach my children to do same so that their too can be respected.

Jill Langhus
Jul 31, 2018
Jul 31, 2018

Hi there:-)

You're most welcome! It takes strength to be vulnerable:-)

Go for it! It's great that you have strong principles, that you adhere to them, and teach them. I wish girls and boys took this sacred union and ritual more seriously. Surely both genders would be respected then?!

Ngala Nadege
Dec 12, 2018
Dec 12, 2018

Thanks for your sharing

Juliet Acom
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019

Wow!
Thanks for standing true to your faith and beliefs.
I know the pressure to have sex before marriage among teens.
You are a phenomenal woman and your husband is a true gentleman!
Keep sharing this story especially with teenage girls

Jane Frances Mufua
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019

Thanks for sharing

Beth Lacey
Feb 03, 2019
Feb 03, 2019

I am glad you were strong enough to live by your principles

Millynairi
May 29, 2019
May 29, 2019

Thanks for sharing. Wow! This is just encouraging and yes it is not easy but possible. You made it, others can too.