I'm Improving

Suchitra Acharjee
Posted November 3, 2019 from Bangladesh

Being a loser feels terrible and depressing. It’s a situation where you question your self worth and compare yourself with others complaining about everything around you such as why is this happening only with me?! Why others  are more successful than me? 

You simply lose your mind and unconsciously go in a circle of repeating typical loser’s characteristics such as having self-doubt and judging yourself pessimistically. 

I used to think of myself as a perfectionist who would do things like a professional. As a result, I always set my bars highest. When it came to actually do a task I would procrastinate for the right mood to kick in so that I finish it like a pro. Can you imagine how that turns into? 

It turned into a failure for me and I ended up not finishing up my tasks on time. It continued and I gradually became a loser. I started to question my worth, I judged myself saying you are not good enough Suchi. It demotivated me more. Whenever I was about to write something I would start judging myself negatively. Oh Suchi! You’re such a bad writer, your vocabulary is not strong. You will fail in your assignment. Guess what? 

I did, I failed in my first ever writing course of undergraduate life. I never failed in any subject before.. 

Two things made me a loser.. 

My perfectionist mindset and negative self-judgement. 

My confidence dropped in such a way that I did not have the courage to pick myself up again. I continuously judged myself by comparing myself with other bright students. Their confidence would make me doubt myself and made me question why I’m like this? 

Later, I realized that the problem is not that I’m not a good writer. The problem is I judge myself and my mindset to think that I should be successful at the first attempt. I took failure very negatively. Actually, failure is a very positive term and gives you a chance to try again, correct the mistakes, and improve. 

 

So, my request to all the women out there that never judge yourself. Be open to failures, be open to mistakes. Learn to pick yourself up again and again and fight back to whatever challenges comes in your way. No one is perfect in this world. You only get better by correcting and improving. Even the most successful people failed many times in their only to be there where they are now. Please do not give up on yourself. 

Someday, you will be proud of yourself. 

Please, don’t be a loser. Look at me now, I’m posting my story sharing with you knowing that it will be read by women from different parts of the world but I’m opening myself to overcome my fear of judgement and help others to do the same. 

 

Love yourself because the world needs you. If you help yourself, you will be able to help and inspire many others like you and that is what brings pure happiness.

Comments 24

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maeann
Nov 03
Nov 03

Hi Suchitra,

Change the word loser to improvements. We have things to improve. You are person who accepts change. Changing to be a better person. Cheer up!!!

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 04
Nov 04

Did it. I edited the tittle. Thank you for your feedback maeann. I appreciate it a lot <3

maeann
Nov 04
Nov 04

wow, you really did not... what I mean is that instead of thinking you are a loser, think that you are a person who are improving :) God is not finished yet, we are in working progress..... hugs

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 06
Nov 06

Yes maeann! That is exactly the point I wanted to tell in this short writing that we should never give up on ourselves because we are not losers but learners.
Love and Hugs!

maeann
Nov 06
Nov 06

Okay thank you

Anita Shrestha
Nov 03
Nov 03

Dear Sis
Yes, we need to change world being active and thinking positve

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 04
Nov 04

Thanks Anita for your kind words. <3

Lisbeth
Nov 03
Nov 03

Dear Suchitra,
How are you? I hope you are doing very well? That was a very honest sincerest post, I loved it.

I also like the facts that you concluded with the following statements
", my request to all the women out there that never judge yourself. Be open to failures, be open to mistakes. Learn to pick yourself up again and again and fight back to whatever challenges comes in your way. No one is perfect in this world. You only get better by correcting and improving. Even the most successful people failed many times in their only to be there where they are now. Please do not give up on yourself.

Someday, you will be proud of yourself. "

Very well summary! We all make mistake. Without mistakes we can never learn. Thanks for sharing dear and have a great week beginning.
Regards

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 04
Nov 04

Thank you Lisbeth <3 We must teach our next generation that failure is a positive thing instead of shaming them. That's how they will grow. My intention is to spread this message.
Love and hugs!

Lisbeth
Nov 04
Nov 04

Exactly, my point!
Hugs back :-)

Loreen Meda
Nov 04
Nov 04

Hi Suchitra,

You are right, this is a trait that was cultivated into us by our parents, teachers and community. The belief that good is not good enough it has to be better or best. I was talking with one of my friends who is a Director for a company, she said to me " you know what, I am only realising now that if I can not be excellent at a thing I will not do it" this has flowed into our parenting and our investments. You must be a super mom or you are failing. However trying things that present challenges an you are afraid to fail is what makes us brave. Learning from our mistakes is what makes us wise.
We continue to strive to be more and take it a day at a time.

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 06
Nov 06

Exactly Loreen! You explained it ever better. Although my parents are really open-minded and encouraging but the education system in Bangladesh is highly competitive. It teaches students to compete with one another rather than encouraging them to compete with their selves to improve.
I'm thinking write one article on it after reading your comment. Thank you for inspiring me!
Love and hugs!

Jill Langhus
Nov 04
Nov 04

Hello Dear Suchitra,

Wow! You're so brave, and so hard on yourself. What you're saying completely resonates with me. I do hope you aren't calling yourself a "loser," still, though? What we tell ourselves can be so detrimental, or uplifting, depending on the terms and words we use. They are very powerful. I totally agree, however, that perfectionism and negativity are detrimental to our wellbeing and need to be worked on so we can experience more joy and fulfillment. It isn't easy, though. I, personally, have had to work on beliefs, sometimes over and over again, but the my health, joy, self love and peace are so worth it. And so are you and yours', too.

Were your parents abusive, dear? I have to ask because that's how I came to be in the same boat as you, but have no fear, we are here and we have tools, love, and encouragement in our arsenal to help you:-) Let us know how we can help.

Hope you're feel better now and having a good week!?

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 06
Nov 06

Hi again Jill!
I'm so happy that everyone who commented on this post got my message so well and that is the success of it. I know there are still people out there like you and me who are fighting with themselves daily. Specially, in my community recently the suicide rate has increased because of failures in specific areas. What is most shocking to me is when I read a news of boy committing suicide for failing in board exams. It is not exactly the boy's fault but the society's and the parents. I know that the boy has to go through public shaming and parents emotional torture to take such a decision. What the boy actually needed was love and compassion to not give up on his life so easily and that love and compassion has to come from our surroundings.

No. My parents are not abusive at all. They are the reason why I'm thinking so openly today. Recently, I lost my father and I went through a mental trauma. i was having hard time to get back. I found out writing ( something that I was so afraid of) is the right way to express my feelings and get better. my father has been an exemplary person for me because the society I grew up are not very encouraging to a girl's open-minded and outgoing nature. However, my father never saw me as a girl and always treated me as boy, gave me wings and made me capable of surviving on my own.

It is the society that suffocates me a lot. Their negative judgments which I faced a lot after losing my father. I want to spread the message of compassion and love n my community, in my society. I hope I make sense to you.

Love and Hugs!

Jill Langhus
Nov 08
Nov 08

Hello dear,

Great job! Yes, I agree about the boy that you mention.

Well, I'm very glad to hear your parents weren't and aren't abusive. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father, dear:-( Yes, writing can be very therapeutic. I'm glad you have found this to be the case. Perhaps he saw you as a girl, but as an equal, I hope?!

I see. That makes sense, but it's sad:-( Well, I'm glad that your tough patch has inspired you to help others. And, yes, it does make sense. Often the experiences that we struggled through the most help us to help others the most. I have found this to be the case in my life, for sure:-)

I'm looking forward to hearing how you're helping others in your community, dear.

Hope you're doing well now and that you have a great weekend!

XX

ANJ ANA
Nov 04
Nov 04

Dear Suchitra,

I really loved your concluding paragraphs, how powerful they are, as they are from your personal experience congratulations . and also thank you so much for sharing your experience so that we other fellow sisters can learn from you. Good job my dear sister.
I also agree with you that setting the bars in high always and judging yourself is not helpful for personal development, it leads to unhappiness and sad. None has reached the perfection's height and there is no limitation of learnings. There is always room for improvement for any individual. Even the experts and senior doctors say that they are practicing, they are learning every day with new things.
Similarly, every individual has her/his own capacity, so we cannot compare us with any other, because despite the expertise, we never know who is suffering from what in their personal life too. But instead, we can always compare to us with ourselves like we can see us in previous years and the current time. If there is even a little improvement, that is your own achievement. , which we did with our own experience and learnings. There is saying ''If you cannot run, walk and if you cannot walk, crawl but the movement must be there''. So my dear sister, keep your positivity and inspiring to us. I love to keep your words in my mind that ''Love yourself because the world needs you. If you help yourself, you will be able to help and inspire many others like you and that is what brings pure happiness and someday you will be proud of yourslef''
Like Jill, offered, there is always help if you need, please find me with your nearby.
love and regards,
anjana

Hello, dear,

I love the way you encourage. Keep it up!

ANJ ANA
Nov 05
Nov 05

Dear Karen,
Thank you so much for all your encouragemnet and love as always :) <3
xoxo

You're welcome, dear sis. :)

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 06
Nov 06

This is so Touching Anajana! I feel very motivated and inspired by you and everyone who supported my point. And you are very right about getting pure happiness by helping others. That is what I'm following as a philosophy of my life right now and I must tell you I have never felt so peaceful inside of me before. It's only when I learnt, in giving we receive pure happiness. Happiness does not lies in being self-centered but being selfless.

Thank you again my sister. Keep rising! and Keep inspiring!
Love and Hugs!

ANJ ANA
Nov 06
Nov 06

So good to know that you are feeling motivated with love and encouragement of WP sisters. Keep your spirit as it is my dear sister Suchitra <3 <3. Together, we will surely rise and inspire by sharing, caring and encouraging each other.
xoxo

Hello, Suchi,

I can very much relate to your story about being too hard on the self. I wonder what childhood experiences shaped this self-loathing. I'm glad you are able to overcome that. Thank you for raising your voice on this issue. You are so brave to speak your truth.

Please continue sharing your stories with us! Have a great day!

Suchitra Acharjee
Nov 06
Nov 06

Hi Karen! Thank you for your positive feedback and I'm so glad that you connect on this story. As I mentioned to Jill and Loreen, it is the missing of compassion and love that shaped my then mind-set. I'm happy that I'm slowly improving and beginning to be more open to inspire others.
I will try my best to share more stories. Thank you for inspiring me again!

Love and Hugs!

You're welcome, dear sister. I'm happy that you are on that road already. I honor your journey, dear. Yes, please continue to write your stories here.

Have a great day! Love and hugs, too!