Transformation of belief System- Yes to A bold “No”

Sushmita Das
Posted August 29, 2020 from India

Years ago, I had met a girl who was undoubtedly bold, and confidence reflected in her words and action. She was a perfect blend of empathy and audaciousness. With the passage of time, we both started sharing a strong and eternal bond of friendship.

 

You must be wondering why am I writing regarding this particular girl? Do I have no other friend? Of course, I do carry a few yet significant ones. But today is a special day for whom I am writing this post. Yes! It’s her birthday.

 

I could have written this in person to her but I feel the incident that I am going to narrate through my writing must be quite familiar to everyone but we remain ignorant regarding it and keep trivialising it.

 

Alright! Let’s come back to the objective of my writing. My friend, despite being audacious throughout her life, fell into the trap of societal norms and beliefs. Ever since her childhood, she had been taught “Never say NO to anyone” even though your heart is pulling you back to not listen to the people, you necessarily have to say “Yes”. She had already spent crucial 19 years of her life living with this erroneous belief system formulated by society.

 

One day I met her inside our college premises, she appeared a little confused and hesitant. On asking the reason behind her dubious state, her answer was ” Sushmita, I really don’t want to say Yes to Tina” (it was actually her close friend whom she had to say “NO” for certain reason, I am sure I will be dead for revealing this secret after years, but I know, with time we all have become considerably matured enough to understand each other)

After listening to her confused voice, I was extremely surprised and asked her “what is the difficulty in saying a “no” when your heart abstained from doing the thing that is against your wish?” Her reply was -“since my childhood, my parents and relatives have always taught me to say YES no matter what, everyone expected me to be a people pleaser, keeping my desires aside I had no liberty to say NO to anyone, this is something which has programmed in my mind which when runs, the output will always be a YES, but now as I have grown-up, I am facing the challenge while saying YES to people and I have no clue on how to develop a habit of saying NO, which may hurt the sentiments of others”.

 

After a rigorous session of counselling and practice, she finally learnt to say “No” with full confidence and audacity.

Years after now, whenever we talk about this change of habit in her and correcting her belief system which she had been blindly following for years, we realise how crucial it is to raise a child with the teaching and lessons quoting examples to make her/him understand that saying “No” is not wrong. And saying “yes” only when your heart is allowing.

 

Today on her birthday, it’s again a reminder for her to invariably remain confident with the habit of saying “NO” ! But I know this has already ingrained in her blood, and this is the reason that she is happily prospering in her life, by saying “No” to the offers that were trying to put her in a “9 a:m-5 p:m” work routine and saying “Yes” to her heart which asked her to become her own boss and begin to nurture her dreams of becoming an entrepreneur.

 

In the end, I would urge all those who cannot gather the courage to say No, “it’s okay to say No perhaps the world will dislike you for this habit, but trust me your soul will be contented and the respect for your SELF will surely quadruple”

 

 

Comments 11

Log in or register to post comments
Nini Mappo
Aug 30
Aug 30

Hello Shusmita,
Good on you for being your friend's voice of reason and conduit of freedom by coaching her on the importance and the process of setting healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries is so vital for maintaining health relationships and a stable sense of self.

How lovely to hear that she is the better for it.

Well done. Keep transforming.

Sushmita Das
Sep 01
Sep 01

Thank you so much Nini for reading the story so beautifully and construing it in such a beautiful way.

Hello, Sushmita,

Happy birthday to your friend! It's so sweet of you to write a post about her, and to use it to convey a powerful message that it's alright to set boundaries. I love the way you write. It's so easy to read it, and you tell a story well. I hope you continue to write here, any topic that you can think about it. I look forward to reading your future posts.

I love your powerful statement, dear, "It's okay to say No perhaps the world will dislike you for this habit, but trust me your soul will be contented and the respect for your SELF will surely quadruple".

I needed this. I deactivated my Facebook account since June this year. A lot of people are asking me why, I have a lot of reasons. For one, I easily get drained when I'm on Facebook. It triggers mental health issues for me.

Now, that I'm away from it, I feel much better and I'm more focused with the things I love to do. After reading your posts, I realized the reason FB is draining to me is because there are a lot of "friends" who constantly message, tag, and ask for help. I have to say, "no". My mental health suffers when I spread myself too thin trying to "help people" but don't bother to ask how am I doing when Covid cases in our city was on the rise. It's healthier for me to use my time with my priorities, and I become more productive. I hope I can be a businesswoman like your friend. Haha.

Thanks for writing!

Sushmita Das
Sep 01
Sep 01

Thank you very much Karen for appreciating my story.
And I guess you did a right job by deactivating your account and eliminating the negativity
from your life in order to lead peaceful life with yourself.
Mental health is something that everyone should pay heed to.
I'm so glad that you knew the measures to be taken for keep your mind at peace. Even I do the same thing.

You're welcome, dear sister. Yes, my life is so peaceful now. Thanks for your affirmation. Please write more. I enjoy reading your posts. You're a gifted storyteller.

Beth Lacey
Sep 01
Sep 01

You are a great friend and this is a wonderful success story

Sushmita Das
Sep 01
Sep 01

Thank you very much Lacey, I appreciate your words.
God bless you dear.

Julie Desai
Sep 04
Sep 04

I absolutely believe that setting boundaries is essential for all of our wellbeing

Sushmita Das
Sep 04
Sep 04

True that.
Thank you very much for your kind read.

Millynairi
Sep 24
Sep 24

Hello, Sushmita,
Thanks so much for sharing. I agree with you that saying "no" is key even if the world will dislike you as long as you know you are doing the right thing and it gives you peace of mind.

Sushmita Das
Sep 24
Sep 24

Yes you are right. At the end, what matters to us is peace of mind.
Thank you very much for reading it so beautifully.