The key to satisfactory sexual health: Define your sexuality and own it

SUZAN
Posted August 14, 2020 from Nigeria
The exhale...
Sanasi Amos in the flesh
Sanasi Amos in the flesh: Sanasi strikes a pose (1/3)

How would you feel if someone told you about a day called, National Orgasm Day? Weird right? That was the same feeling I got when I came across a twitter message from a sexologist who said every July 30, countries like the United States, Canada, Australia, and a few others demonstrate the importance of sexual energy and how it’s necessary for humans to reach a great level of sexual satisfaction as it helps to keep the body active and the mind in a healthy state.

Sexual health is a broad topic that is mostly relegated to the issues of reproduction, practicing safe sex, or discussing the prevalence of cancerous growths in the male prostrate or the female cervix or even the issues of fibroid. These are deep health areas that cannot be ignored but they are not the center of discussion.

Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are the brains behind the National day and it is a key area of concern that seems to be given little attention because more than 80% of the world population depends on sexual enhancement products to keep their sex lives active. Further research shows that 7 in 10 women suffer from sexual dissatisfaction and they are unable to talk about it.

The silence comes from a place of not wanting the world to see them as sexually depraved beings. It is because we live in a society that believes more in suppressed emotions rather than an open and honest ejaculation. African society is a great sufferer of these mundane beliefs and it is one the factors affecting the confidence of women today.

There is no reason to feel ashamed or shy about your sexuality nor should anyone close in on their feelings if they’re not getting the sexual pleasure needed to make the activity meaningful. This is what owning your sexuality is all about.

In my quest to know more without sounding like I was flogging a dead horse. I had a chance to chat with sex and reproductive health expert.

Amos Sanasi is a Demographer, Sexologist, and the founder of Nigeria’s First sex-positive brand, Revaginate NG which disseminates comprehensive sex information and sexual accessories, especially for those with disabilities. She is passionate about sexual wellness and writes about sex and gives enlightening tips on social media. Sana studied Demography and Social Statistics for her Bachelor’s Degree, then proceeded to get a Post Graduate degree in marketing, she also got a Certification in Human Sexuality from Sexology Institute. She is currently training as a Trauma Specialist and registered for her Master’s in Public Health. She is the author of the BDSM CHEAT SHEET a comprehensive guide for those who want to explore the sexual act. Feel free to check out her twitter handle @thesanasi for more health tips.

 QUE: The whole idea of marking an Orgasm day may seem awkward to many. Could you enlighten us?

Sanasi: Orgasm day is a day created by the World Association of Sexual Health (WAS) to share awareness and reduce the pleasure gap experienced by most sexes in the world today.

QUE: Hmm… Interestingly, but, for a lot of societies especially in Africa, a topic on orgasm and sexual pleasure seems more like a sin to be discussed. What do you think is the major cause of this?

Sanasi: Africans have a traditional mentality about sex believing that it is mainly necessary for reproduction, which has never been the case if God wanted it that way the day God created Adam and Eve they would have started bearing children immediately. Sex is a means to connect and be intimate and as humans, we all desire that it is what comes after food, clothing, and shelter.

QUE: How can women become more open about discussing their sexual situation as regards orgasming, considering the worrisome number of women living in denial?

Sanasi: This is the idea of World Orgasm Day. It teaches not just women but every one of sexually knowledgeable age, how to approach sex positively, and also have a sexual expression devoid of fear or coercion.

With this, women can become more open by working on their mindset towards sex firstly. If you still view sex as a forbidden topic and sinful, you won’t talk about it or become open about it which is unhealthy.

QUE: What is the whole idea of having a sexual expression as a woman?

Sanasi: Sexual expression simply means understanding sex and doing it your way. I believe if I want to be pleasured in a certain way, I have the right to say what I want the way I want it thereby also expecting my partner to be open about their preferences. This is the idea behind having a sexual expression.

QUE: Then in your opinion what do you think women have not yet understood when it comes to being sexual beings and understanding their sexual desires?

Sanasi: Most women don’t understand pleasure and their own sexual wellness. 1 in 3 Nigerian women do not understand their own anatomy.

Once they can understand their anatomy and define their sexuality, this amounts to include sexual health, sexual expression, sexual attachment, and sexual dynamics.

QUE: Finally, your advice to women on how the can be confident about their sexuality and being open to their partners in terms of sexual pleasure. Especially for women who have been through sexual violence of any kind. How can they recover and reconnect?

Sanasi: Learn, unlearn and relearn it’s difficult to change your perspective of sex after some horrid experiences but when you do it’s worth it, and please be sure the information you are consuming is standard enough don’t go about listening to people who are a self-acclaimed therapist with no grooming in such a dicey area.

Get help, heal properly, and get all the support you can. Healing is a messy journey but the destination is beautiful eventually. ❤

My final word of advice to everyone will be a quote from Rihanna, the American singer; “Sex is God’s gift to human, do not settle for less.”

So, that was "the end" of a fun interview and I could have gone on and on with questions but, I had to halt and share this tidbit. Honestly, sexual health is just as important as physical health, and most importantly, there is no rule binding that being sexual conscious is a sign that one is a nymphomaniac.

As humans, especially the female gender, getting in touch with your sexual side is all about knowing your body, understanding your needs, and also trying to connect with your partner in order to live a healthy and stable life.  So, be intentional about understanding who you are sexually and create a good principle for yourself.

To help get a better perspective of this topic, I recommend watching the movie; The Perfect Picture: Ten years later. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygwpeun2qOQ

  It's a Ghanaian movie about three beautiful women but to connect to this topic, take a moment to focus on the character 'Dede Botchway' played by the amazing Lydia Forson. Not only will you enjoy the movie, but, you will connect to it in your own way.

This story is in response to being a Featured Changemaker and an Encourager.

Comments 12

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Nini Mappo
Aug 15
Aug 15

Hi Suzan,
You make a good point about the deep discomfort we have talking about sexuality in Africa. But I think it is prevalent in other parts of the world as well. Perhaps it is because there is so much in it that can be enjoyed, and therefore so much in it that can be abused, as we have seen repeatedly even among intimate partners. Perhaps we lack the wisdom and sensitivity to find the wholesome balance of the beauty of sexuality, but also the pitfalls there in, and therefore avoid the topic altogether. Perhaps we shy from the mystery as well, because we may understand our sexuality today and not recognise it tomorrow.

You reference Adam and Eve, and perhaps there lies a lifeline that we can hold on to, their shame when they discovered their nakedness. This nakedness, this need for complete vulnerability and laying oneself bare that is essential to connecting, that most of us, in either gender, struggle with. If without being fully vulnerable we cannot connect, then would investigating what it is that holds us back from that vulnerability be helpful as well?

You reference God too, who created sex, and us as sexual beings, with incredible capacity for pleasure within the safe boundaries. And we have seen the grief and pain and death sexuality can bring as well, when these boundaries are violated. Perhaps when creation went pear-shaped at the fall of man, this sexuality suffered the greatest blow, because it was the most beautiful, and at the centre of the most important relationship upon which the future of creation rested. Perhaps for that reason it needs the greatest redemption, both in the way we understand it and the way we approach it.

I laud your boldness in broaching the subject, getting us uncomfortable, and getting us thinking of how much of our sexuality we have not claimed, and how much of it needs redemption still. And it is a lot!
Because plenty of us still don't know what to say or even how to think or even whether we should think about it.
Because I agree that if everything God made is good, so is our sexuality. But something went terribly wrong and we lost that. And to recover that goodness we need to begin by defining sexuality, hopefully in its wholesome untainted form. And that some of us need to heal first.

Thank you for caring about this aspect of women's health.

SUZAN
Aug 15
Aug 15

Nini dear, honestly, I deeply appreciate your perspective and how your words have also gotten me thinking. Truly, I believe, as humans in our bid to relate with the world, we lost the ability to understand our sexuality and connect to it in the right way. But, all is not lost as I believe if we are open and truthful, we can attend to this issue adequately. Thank you for this.

Thelma obani 2020
Aug 15
Aug 15

Sometimes we lack the ability to understand our sexuality.
It's a major concern in Africa and the world too.
Little by little, perspective of things will change. Thanks for sharing

SUZAN
Aug 16
Aug 16

Hi Thelma, thank you for reading and yes, slowly but surely, we will overcome the attitude of silence. We will learn to talk and share. This is one of the beautiful things about the world pulse sisterhood community.

Kabahenda
Aug 16
Aug 16

Thanks Suzan for your bravery in broaching a subject that is taboo for many societies and people.

Thank you too for educating me about the National Orgasm Day! it is the first time in my life to hear of a day like that and yet, I live in Canada.

I must confess that as an African woman, subjects such as sex, sexuality, and a woman's sexuality are not subjects that preoccupy African womens minds!

That does not make such topics irrelevant because what is more important than the creation of human beings that only happens through the act of sex?!!

Suzan, I would strongly encourage you to keep us informed and updated.
All the best.

SUZAN
Aug 16
Aug 16

Hi Kabahenda, honestly I was as shocked as you when I first heard about it. Thought it was odd initially but when I took a moment to process the thought behind it, I knew I had to share. Thanks for your encouraging words. I will definately keep my sisters well informed.

Hello, Suzan,

It's my first time to know about National Orgasm Day. I learn a new thing today. It's interesting that we also need to talk about the pleasure gap. Why not?

Sex should be enjoyed between two consenting individuals. Sex being a taboo subject makes women feel ashamed to share about sexual abuses, too.

Thank you for enlightening us about this topic!

SUZAN
Aug 18
Aug 18

Hi Karen, thanks for reading this. It was just as new for me but I believed it was a topic truly worth discussing especially with the times we are in.

You're welcome, dear. Yes, that's true. We learn a lot from your post. Keep on sharing, dear.

Shirin Dalaki
Aug 20
Aug 20

Hi Susan,

I enjoyed reading your story. This is such an important subject and I am glad you brought it up. I live in United States and did not know about the national Orgasm Day until now. As Karen said we learn something new every day.
I believe in what you say about owning our sexuality. Unfortunately, a lot of women are afraid to explore that and own it which helps them bring light into their consciousness.
You are brave and a vehicle for change. Your authenticity for truth allows others to let go of fear they carry about their sexuality and choose different.

Shirin

SUZAN
Aug 18
Aug 18

Hi Shirin, it's really nice hearing from you. Thank you for calling me brave even though I highly doubt it "laughs". I am as you say, an advocate for change and I believe that women can develop an even stronger sense of confidence especially if they just open up and speak out. This is why for me, World Pulse is an amazing community.

Shirin Dalaki
Aug 20
Aug 20

Oh dear Suzan, it is good to hear from you too. I believe being brave and being an advocate for change goes hand in hand. I remember in my younger years was not able to express myself because I was pretty shy and did not have much of self confidence either but through years of self-discovery and spiritual growth I learned to find the confidence within to open up and speak out more. It is a journey that once we put our attention on it becomes more and more interesting. World Pulse is a great community...I agree.