The key to satisfactory sexual health: Define your sexuality and own it

How would you feel if someone told you about a day called, National Orgasm Day? Weird right? That was the same feeling I got when I came across a twitter message from a sexologist who said every July 30, countries like the United States, Canada, Australia, and a few others demonstrate the importance of sexual energy and how it’s necessary for humans to reach a great level of sexual satisfaction as it helps to keep the body active and the mind in a healthy state.

Sexual health is a broad topic that is mostly relegated to the issues of reproduction, practicing safe sex, or discussing the prevalence of cancerous growths in the male prostrate or the female cervix or even the issues of fibroid. These are deep health areas that cannot be ignored but they are not the center of discussion.

Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are the brains behind the National day and it is a key area of concern that seems to be given little attention because more than 80% of the world population depends on sexual enhancement products to keep their sex lives active. Further research shows that 7 in 10 women suffer from sexual dissatisfaction and they are unable to talk about it.

The silence comes from a place of not wanting the world to see them as sexually depraved beings. It is because we live in a society that believes more in suppressed emotions rather than an open and honest ejaculation. African society is a great sufferer of these mundane beliefs and it is one the factors affecting the confidence of women today.

There is no reason to feel ashamed or shy about your sexuality nor should anyone close in on their feelings if they’re not getting the sexual pleasure needed to make the activity meaningful. This is what owning your sexuality is all about.

In my quest to know more without sounding like I was flogging a dead horse. I had a chance to chat with sex and reproductive health expert.

Amos Sanasi is a Demographer, Sexologist, and the founder of Nigeria’s First sex-positive brand, Revaginate NG which disseminates comprehensive sex information and sexual accessories, especially for those with disabilities. She is passionate about sexual wellness and writes about sex and gives enlightening tips on social media. Sana studied Demography and Social Statistics for her Bachelor’s Degree, then proceeded to get a Post Graduate degree in marketing, she also got a Certification in Human Sexuality from Sexology Institute. She is currently training as a Trauma Specialist and registered for her Master’s in Public Health. She is the author of the BDSM CHEAT SHEET a comprehensive guide for those who want to explore the sexual act. Feel free to check out her twitter handle @thesanasi for more health tips.

 QUE: The whole idea of marking an Orgasm day may seem awkward to many. Could you enlighten us?

Sanasi: Orgasm day is a day created by the World Association of Sexual Health (WAS) to share awareness and reduce the pleasure gap experienced by most sexes in the world today.

QUE: Hmm… Interestingly, but, for a lot of societies especially in Africa, a topic on orgasm and sexual pleasure seems more like a sin to be discussed. What do you think is the major cause of this?

Sanasi: Africans have a traditional mentality about sex believing that it is mainly necessary for reproduction, which has never been the case if God wanted it that way the day God created Adam and Eve they would have started bearing children immediately. Sex is a means to connect and be intimate and as humans, we all desire that it is what comes after food, clothing, and shelter.

QUE: How can women become more open about discussing their sexual situation as regards orgasming, considering the worrisome number of women living in denial?

Sanasi: This is the idea of World Orgasm Day. It teaches not just women but every one of sexually knowledgeable age, how to approach sex positively, and also have a sexual expression devoid of fear or coercion.

With this, women can become more open by working on their mindset towards sex firstly. If you still view sex as a forbidden topic and sinful, you won’t talk about it or become open about it which is unhealthy.

QUE: What is the whole idea of having a sexual expression as a woman?

Sanasi: Sexual expression simply means understanding sex and doing it your way. I believe if I want to be pleasured in a certain way, I have the right to say what I want the way I want it thereby also expecting my partner to be open about their preferences. This is the idea behind having a sexual expression.

QUE: Then in your opinion what do you think women have not yet understood when it comes to being sexual beings and understanding their sexual desires?

Sanasi: Most women don’t understand pleasure and their own sexual wellness. 1 in 3 Nigerian women do not understand their own anatomy.

Once they can understand their anatomy and define their sexuality, this amounts to include sexual health, sexual expression, sexual attachment, and sexual dynamics.

QUE: Finally, your advice to women on how the can be confident about their sexuality and being open to their partners in terms of sexual pleasure. Especially for women who have been through sexual violence of any kind. How can they recover and reconnect?

Sanasi: Learn, unlearn and relearn it’s difficult to change your perspective of sex after some horrid experiences but when you do it’s worth it, and please be sure the information you are consuming is standard enough don’t go about listening to people who are a self-acclaimed therapist with no grooming in such a dicey area.

Get help, heal properly, and get all the support you can. Healing is a messy journey but the destination is beautiful eventually. ❤

My final word of advice to everyone will be a quote from Rihanna, the American singer; “Sex is God’s gift to human, do not settle for less.”

So, that was \"the end\" of a fun interview and I could have gone on and on with questions but, I had to halt and share this tidbit. Honestly, sexual health is just as important as physical health, and most importantly, there is no rule binding that being sexual conscious is a sign that one is a nymphomaniac.

As humans, especially the female gender, getting in touch with your sexual side is all about knowing your body, understanding your needs, and also trying to connect with your partner in order to live a healthy and stable life.  So, be intentional about understanding who you are sexually and create a good principle for yourself.

To help get a better perspective of this topic, I recommend watching the movie; The Perfect Picture: Ten years later. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygwpeun2qOQ

  It's a Ghanaian movie about three beautiful women but to connect to this topic, take a moment to focus on the character 'Dede Botchway' played by the amazing Lydia Forson. Not only will you enjoy the movie, but, you will connect to it in your own way.

This story is in response to being a Featured Changemaker and an Encourager.