Sisters, silence can steal a soul

SUZAN
Posted August 27, 2020 from Nigeria
Pencil work by gibberish scribbles
The double face of smiles in pain

He left me! This wasn't supposed to happen because we had such a perfect life and he always says how much he loves us.”

This was the last phone call I got from a close sister and friend who had been married for 9 years to her college sweetheart. They had 3 children and lived what we called the middle-class life filled with basic necessities. Unfortunately, this wasn’t enough to keep the marriage together. Truth is, she didn’t just need a family to go home to, she needed sisters whom she could share her woes with. They were always there but she was never with them. In the midst of the picnics and monthly sisters’ hangouts, it was all about how Larry bought her the latest shoes and the chicest gowns. He could do no wrong or so they thought. Larry was the husband to have and the father every child prayed to Santa Claus for. The sisters were always a shoulder near but Zara believed in the rule that marriage is best kept within the confines of husband and wife. No third parties, no outside influence, just us (FAMILY) figuring things out.

The question is does this norm always work? In following “the happy family” façade, the sisters lost Zara to the afterlife. Family is the most sacred union but it needs much more than just a man and a woman saying, ‘I DO’ and having kids. It needs people open to talking about their problems especially when it’s no longer feels ordinary. It needs another voice to speak out when things don’t look okay. This is what the sisters wished they had done. This is what we all ought to do as sisters, friends and family. Don’t keep silent, say it even if it hurts.

This story is submitted in response to being an Encourager. 

Comments 12

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Kamariza Byinshi
Aug 27
Aug 27

Salut ma chère !
Le fait de parler de ses problèmes n'est pas une faiblesse mais c'est une manière de se détacher de certaines lourds fardeaux,a un effet thérapeutique, soulagement.
Et pour le médecin,pour mieux soigner il faut mieux faire l'interrogatoire (anamnèse) donc écouter le patient s'exprimer pleinement et clairement là tu sauras faire la suite.

Kamariza Byinshi
Aug 27
Aug 27

L'angoisse et la dépression ne sont pas loin de troubles psychiatriques. à force de trop endurer et encaisser,un jour tu peux exploser et peut être ça sera trop tard,et là on dira que tu délires.parle est une grande et puissante arme.

SUZAN
Aug 27
Aug 27

Salute Kamariza,
Je suis tout à fait d'accord et c'est pourquoi il est préférable d'être ouvert sur les émotions. Ce n'est jamais un signe de faiblesse mais un passage pour briser la dépression. Merci beaucoup d'avoir lu et contribué.

Kamariza Byinshi
Aug 28
Aug 28

Je t'en prie

Nini Mappo
Aug 27
Aug 27

Hello Suzan again,
It's heart breaking when a dream dies, when marriages break, and as the parties hurt, children are caught up in the middle :(

I'm sorry for your friend.

And yes just as we need mentors in business and career, we need mentors in relationships, in marriage.
Perhaps your friend felt that she could not be vulnerable with her friends. From the words of the phonecall that you share, perhaps she really did think he was perfect, and had nothing to share with her friends for support. And therefore didn't know her husband enough, if his leaving was unexpected.

Sometimes it comes down to openness and vulnerability between the couple. Which begins with self awareness and valuing one's spouse.

I can only pray for fortitude for your friend as she adjusts through this shocking reality. It is good that you can be her support.

SUZAN
Aug 27
Aug 27

Hi Nini, you are absolutely right. Couples must learn to value each other and listen to each other's feelings. Thanks so much for reading and contributing.

Hello, Suzan,

College sweetheart, nine years, and yet it all ended with the husband leaving his wife. How heartbreaking! This is more painful for the children, too.

How many wives out there are silently suffering because they have to hold that image of a "happy family"? I know some, and the news are so shocking! At the guise of perfect family photos and adventures on social media, they hide the sorrowful truth that it's better to separate than be together.

There are women who open up to me, but it's already too late to save the marriage. Thank you for speaking out about this issue. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but just as we learn to hold safe spaces for our sisters on World Pulse, I have found it beneficial for me to hold a safe space for my husband and he to me, too.

See you later, love! You're a great writer, by the way. More stories from you please. :)

SUZAN
Aug 29
Aug 29

Thank you so much for the appraisal Karen. Hope you and your family are well? Truly, we all as sisters need to look beyond the known when it comes to each other. All that glitters isn't gold. It may be shiny on the outside but hollow on the inside. Care and concern may have a prying undertone, but its safer than saying, "wish I had done more." Its depressing to come to that point. Love is all it takes.

You're welcome, dear Suzan. Yes, by God's grace, we are well. Thank you for asking. I hope you and your family are well, too.

Yes, that is true, dear. Please write more. :)

Thelma obani 2020
Sep 04
Sep 04

Sooo sorry about your friend.
Extend our love

Andrace
Sep 06
Sep 06

Hi Suzan,
Thank you for encouraging sisters to speak up. Many of us keep quiet because of the culture of the society we live in. Others are naturally introverts. However, it is soothing to share a budding. We must be all Encouragers to bring out the quiet ones among us from their shells. May we speak out timeously before it becomes too late.

Love and Hugs,
E. J.

This is very tue dear. Keeping hurts within you is poisonous to both your body and soul. It kills emotionally and physically as well. Speaking out your hurts is like medicine to your body and soul. Thanks