To whom it may concern
It has taken me so long to write this letter but I think it’s about time. Probably because, I have had enough time to think about it and found the right things to say. Maybe it is also because, I am now on the other side and what I say or do will not make much of a difference. Either way, I chose to write this letter at this time.
For the longest time I kept wondering, “How did I get here?” I mean, my life had just begun and I had so much to achieve.
Having the first degree was just scratching the surface for me, a flourishing career was just one step up the ladder and a promise ring a peak into the happy ever after. All these was waiting for me. Despite it all, I am here now!
How I actually got here, is what I have had enough time to think about. Thinking, rethinking, counter checking and second guessing I have done it all. I mean, time is no longer something I worry about.
Running through my albums, memories, archives you name it; could provide me with a clue at first. I wondered, “Was it my family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, leaders, children, finances or enemies?” Nothing seemed to be the exact answer. Thank God, time is not something I lack. Longer reflections and self-interrogations have revealed the truth.
I left all of you wondering and saying, how surprised you were, now I realize you all drove me here. Yes! I said it. Not like a matter of blame but a matter of equal responsibility. The set book of life with high standards that I could never meet was my constant companion. Not forgetting, the constant reminder by you all of how it will take a miracle for me to attain those standards.
No offense Mama, Papa and Preacher Man your intentions were always pure but the delivery so poor. Even the good book says, “Faith with no action is dead” and it also says, “When you pray, do not use a lot of meaningless words.” Maybe more love would have made a difference.
You all wanted a piece of me; my time, money, love, patience, compassion… I could go on and on. All I met with was either a request, favor, plea or demand; at times it was even hard to spot the difference. All I knew is I am needed. Giving like a good steward, I gave my all never complaining and not expecting anything. I mean, my eyes were focused on the greater reward. Isn’t it what we all long for?
Maybe the reward will come one day but I am yet to see it. What’s real to me is; I never gave myself a chance. Every moment of my being, I owed it to someone and gave it all away. Every day I gave and never did I get to refill my tank. It appeared like I never ran out like widow of Zarephath but now my lenses is different. I gave all I had until I gave my soul.
I may have all the time right now but it not time I can use to change my life. You all wish me eternal peace but you need it most. For sure I am at peace; but I am not sure you will find peace after realizing it is you who drove me to the other side, I just had the ticked needed.
Till we meet again!