A Mothers Rant on Mothers Day!

Last Sunday was Mothers Day in the Dominican Repubilc and two weeks before that it was Mothers Day in the United States. I was on face book most of the days leading up to both dates and was getting really triggered by so many post of women who don't have great to no relationships with their mother. In one day, i read all types of post from really celebrating mothers to really hating mothers to honoring fathers as mothers and other very important people who served as mothers. I felt like I was on a roller coaster of feelings as I read them .Soon, I saw people who had pets saying they were moms and artist birthing creativity saying they where moms and gardeners and healers and so many more things that I eventually came crashing down and wrote this piece. I realized that I on this one day of the year I just wanted to be celebrated for being a mother. Enjoy!

Mothers Day RANT: I just want to say that it has taken something to read all the mother days posts today from people, who have decided to honor themselves as mothers because they have pets, because they are healers, because they are artist, because they are cooks and gardeners, because they are authors, because they are birthing a new whatever......Damn, can I have a day!

One day as a mother who has children and who mourns other children not here today whether by choice or not. It takes some shit to be a mother today and always or to be a women who doesn't choose to be one or whose body cannot procreate the way the world says its suppose to be her role. It takes something to be a mother in a world without access to make sure you are the best version of it and that your are healthy and can make informed choices. It takes something for a women to say I will create another being within a body that has been violated that people sell, and take and enslave and burn and beat over and over again. To decide to give life in this world with so much fear that you may not be able to protect them. To raise powerful daughters and loving sons in a world that is killing them to punish communities and steal our spirits. It takes something and everything to watch something grow inside of you knowing that in its blood their will both be pain and a legacy of trauma and resiliency and that you will do your best to hold both the best you can but cannot guarantee the future. And you will create a family anyway, whether alone or with others. It takes something to deem yourself worthy, that your body is worthy of being able to conceive, to birth and raise another human being in a world where we are constantly told we are not enough and our bodies are used to breed workers. It takes something to live in poverty, to live in fear, to live in courage, to be vulnerable and hold someones heart and life in your hands while you grow and heal and transform and learn lessons and break down and break through and be a mother in your own humanity while the world judges.

It takes something , so back up for a sec, step back and step to the side and let me have a day. Today is mothers day with all its contradictions and its complexities and it celebration and grief. It is for women who gave birth or adopted or raised children, with other women or alone or lost them years weeks or days after pregnancy and made themselves responsible 24 hours a day and someday to commit to being a mother when we might not have had a good role model of one. Or in my case fighting to never be like them to only find out I am both of all of them, the good , the ugly and the bad. And yes, some of us had to mother ourselves in the mist of mourning a mother still alive who could not be present for us or only knew how to be violent in the presence of us. And some of thought we would do this parenting thing with a loved one but they left. And some of us gave birth to children out of necessity or without choice, children being products of violence and we love them anyway and choose to keep them anyway without guarantees that we in the mist of it all would not become violent or disassociate or leave and be able to bare the truth of what all of that all means. When children we raise want to look for the women who gave birth to them or when children we raise blame us for all issues in their life. It takes something to be a Mother and today, its MOTHERS DAY not healers day, not people who are birthing movements and spirits and animals day etc .

You will have your day but today its Mothers Day. For those who lost her before she died, for those who did not love her until she died, for those who never met her, for those who have become her. Its mother's day. And yes, when we take children and raise them like our own we are like mothers to them but they too have a mother no matter the circumstances. Let those children honor you.

But as a survivor, its Mothers Day, born from a prostitute, its mothers day, born from immigrants and domestic and sex workers, its mothers day, born into generational violence, it Mothers Day, a product of violence, Its Mothers Day.From across borders and languages, for daughters and sons who leave countries and never know when they will see their mothers again, Its Mother's Day. For mothers who cross oceans and never know when they will see their children again, Its Mothers Day. For mothers, daughter, sons in prison, in detainment camps, concentration camps, in war zones, its mothers day. In a patriarchal world that criminalizes matriarch communities and burned them, its Mothers Day.

I am the daughter and legacy of historical violence and torture and the sterilization, and enslavement of women and their bodies, Its Mothers Day. Mourn that, celebrate it, be angry about it, feel invisible, let grief do its thing and step aside cause its Mothers Day.

And for those who know me, know that as a spiritual activist I honor all ways and hold space for the inter-sectionalities and complexities of gender, sexuality and sex and spirit and stars and birthing and and and....Exhaling.......and today is MOTHERS DAY.

And today, this one day of the year, I want to put my hands down, relax my shoulders and stop giving and instead put them on my lap palms facing up and open up to receiving because its Mothers Day and Ive been a mom since I was 15 years old and today is my one day to practice self love around this area in my life without the shame and regrets and guilt. A day where I can let down my guard in the face of many and testify and receive from my kids and family and friends affirmation about how great of a mother I am with out the chatter in my head and all of what that it means. Today is MOTHERS DAY and for the little girl who never thought she would, the adolescent who was told she couldn't and the adult self who said fuck it I am! Happy Mothers Day! Feliz Dia de Las Madres!