The hardest breakup I ever had was letting go of blood relatives. It was the last resort to have peace of mind . We all come to a moment in life when we realize that it’s time to cut ties with someone that we once loved. But what do we do when that person is a member of our family? Sometimes, our family is just downright toxic. Whether they drain us, undermine us, or make us feel unworthy, sad, and small — keeping them around takes away from who we are, and takes a serious toll on our mental and emotional health. We love our families. We trust them. We listen to them. We keep their secrets and hold them in our hearts even when it kills us a little each and every day. We accept the baggage our family throws at us with wide-eyed innocence because we still believe in the childhood lies that blood family trumps everything. As children that might be true, but things change. Though we don’t always like to acknowledge it, the family that drains our energy, or the family that causes us to revert to fear and insecurity, is a family that is harmful to our mental and emotional wellbeing. It would be great to get an apology every time someone hurt us, but that’s not reality. The reality is that toxic people don’t apologize — because they think that they have nothing to apologize for.
I longed to escape the clutches of my family. I finally set myself free. I cut ties with my biological family. Letting go meant emotionally, spiritually, and physically distancing myself. They showed me how ugly and mean they can be, by saying such hurtful, ugly words to me, I could no longer allow their behaviour to impact on my emotional state. For the first time in my life, I said NO to my family to help them financially, They all turned against me and sent me the vilest texts and messages. I was deeply saddened to receive these messages, especially since I am the only one who lives abroad and has helped them for over 20 years financially. I found them jobs, looked after them in my house, clothed and fed them, and received those ugly texts when I finally had the courage to say NO, which was a shock to the system. So I removed them from all social media and blocked all calls from them. This includes my mother, brothers and sisters, and unfortunately my eldest daughter too. She was brought up with them, so she sided with them and cut me off completely.
I am practising non-attachment, it hurt for a few days but now it's gone 5 months and am used to it, not hearing from them, not having to explain my actions to them. I was too afraid because of my culture and society, I was suppressed for too long. and sharing my experiences over the internet has empowered me to stand up for myself, be an individual and be proud of myself.
The family are sometimes only good in the photos. You can choose your friends but you can't choose family. They were ashamed of me for speaking out publicly about my childhood trauma, domestic violence, sexual assault and rape. They don't realise that I will never be Silent again. I am proud to say I have achieved a lot in my life owing no1 thanks but myself for never giving up on myself.