PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING AND ORIENTATION.

Tebi Honourine
Posted May 18, 2017 from Cameroon
Lady Azoh
''All I could get as information before thinking of marriage was to do HIV Screening.''

I asked myself lots of questions related to young singles who have reached the age for marriage as well as some of the issues the society ignores that has an adverse effect to young girls.

As a young girl growing in a rural community, growing around parents who were not educated, I had limited education on sexual reproductive health right, pre-marital counseling on marriage and more. What my parents could confidently tell me, was “Honourine if you see a man that is interested in you and you interested in him; you should go with him for an HIV screening to know his status before you bring him to present as a husband”.

Some other educated parents will go further saying their children should go for HIV and other STI's screening before marriage. I received no counseling from my parents or anyone around me about the reality in marriage. My idea of marriage was limited only to health, physical and immediate situation in the relationship which today I became a single mother due to the lack of premarital counseling and orientation.

Young boys and girls who are able and ready for marriage in Cameroon continue to face the challenge of getting life partners. This situation can be attributed to little or no parental advice on the subject as well as over assumption on the role churches play in preparing a couple for marriage. Following a conversation we had as girls with our peers who were already married, I realized that common issues of interest on the subject were; the challenge of understanding a partner, prioritizing values of a partner, understanding the features or characteristics of the dream partner. This has made men and women put several strategies to getting a life partner. Some will value the career opportunities in the girls or boys, some will look at the background, and some will fall for material things.

These singles have been attending weddings and/or church groups with the intention of getting a life partner. Some will catch the buckeye bearing in mind that they are the next person for a wedding. 95% of these strategies of getting a life partner usually fails.

In Cameroon there are limited or no forums were singles could be mentored or coached about the institution of marriage. Amazingly there exist forums for couples, in churches, government institutions and Civil Society Organization's where couples share experiences in marriage, tips on getting happiness and success, how to meditate and pray together as well as offer mentor ship for couples in difficulties.

The adverse effect of making a wrong choice of partner is mostly felt by the women as men have the opportunity to marry and remarry even after having many children. The woman hasn’t that chance because gender ascribed roles gives society the right to look down on her in case she gets a divorce or is abandoned. This is an explanation to why most women in my community suffer gender base violence in their homes in silence.

Looking at this problem, I am inspired to work on creating forums or associations for singles that provides mentor ship and coaching using exemplary couples, inspired persons, story sharing and organizations.

I am confident it will offer premarital counseling and nurture the minds of young people on the institution of marriage. Not to say the least when this is done it will help create more responsible, duty conscious young couples who will be able to limit the risk of single parenting, maternal death, marital frustrations and diseases.

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Comments 11

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maeann
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017

Hi Tebi, thank you for sharing your story about premarital counseling.  May your plan to create a forum or associations for singles for mentorship will work out.  Hope to hear for any update soon.

Tebi Honourine
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017

Thank you Maeann. 

I look forward to creating that forum.

Evelyn Fonkem
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Great story Honourine.Thanks for sharing

Tebi Honourine
May 20, 2017
May 20, 2017

Thank you Fonkem for reading.

Love.

Ndasi Gilbert Nyongamsen
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Now my dear Hono, there are two ways to come around satisfactory success in life.

It could be by acting out your dreams and visions or by turning your challenges to wonderful opportunities in service to humanity. Mind you dear, which ever way it seems, be committed to turning it around.

You write well, you inspire and most of all you speak out encouragement. Keep it on STRONG WOMAN!!!!

Tebi Honourine
May 20, 2017
May 20, 2017

Thank you Nyongamsen, I appreciate your encouragement. Young boys and Girls are out there in confusion, trying to fine a way out. All the talk about is I need a partner, but how to get to that is a problem. Orientation is a necessity. Cheers!

Feka
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Dear Tebi, 

Thanks for writing. I pray that you realize your dream and help save  many singles to make the eight choices and take best decisions as far as marriage is concerned

Sally maforchi Mboumien
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Hello Hono. thank you for bringing up this topic which many careless about. I feel in a community where marriage is considered an acchievement counseling and orientation should be available for those going into it. can you share with us what the forum or association will be doing in this issue?

Tebi Honourine
May 20, 2017
May 20, 2017

Thank You Masalien's.

Yes this is one topic people will not want to talk about. Even those involve pretends not to be in it. Being single is not a problem, it is a prerequisite for marriage. Counseling should be done at the level of singles preparing them for marriage not in marriage. There will be mentorship by inspired outstanding couples,  life experience sharing from singles and couples, general education on marriage and much more.

Ngum Raissa
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017

Thanks for shearing with us Honourine

That's a great initiative. Education the say prevents deformation, creating such forums will go a long way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and prepare youths properly before marriage.

Tebi Honourine
May 20, 2017
May 20, 2017

Thank you Raissa. We need to create a change in our society. Thinks that affects us most are those things people don't want to talk or hear about. SRHE, singles and marriage and much more.