Dowry ? what it is?

Tiffany Brar
Posted December 16, 2018 from India

I don't know how many of you are aware of  the word "DOWRY"? Many of my Indian sisters has come across this worst "DOWRY SYSTEM" at the time of  their marraiges. It is a system followed in our country for years and years, where the bride is sold in terms of gold and cash.

Yes! to make it simple i can say " a tradition where the bride’s family offering contributions in the form of ready money and gold to the groom’s family. Though there is a vast development and technological advancement nothing could stop this practice from my country. The worst thing is it will definitely benefit the bridegroom family after wedding, not the bride family.

But by what means? Parents of the bride take heavy loans and even sell their properties to give the dowry, believing that their daughter's life would be safe and secured. After the wedding, the entire responsibility of paying all the debts goes to the parents of the bride.

I have seen so many of my friends who get married, giving dowry for their wedding. People had made it as a custom to pay dowry for getting married to the bride room. How long it is going to benefit their life, where marriage life should be started on the basis of love and commitment, not on the basis of money. Starting a wedding life , leaving her parents in debts is an emotional unavoidable situation, which is faced by most of my sisters who are around me.

Even some parents both from the bride and bride groom side, feel like giving or receiving  a huge dowry will prove their financial capability to the other people in the society. People those who support say that since the bride and groom are just going to start their life , dowry in form of cash and materials will help them in the initial wedding life. But, I don't agree with this.

if men and women are equal in the society, let both the bride and groom family deposit some money for their future .Why , always the bride family should sacrifice all their well begin to pay for the groom's family?

Another stereotype attitude of the society is that they think, women whoa re not good looking like fat, too thin, dark in colour or with some health issues identify their grooms by meeting the latter’s financial difficulty. At time girls in India, who were not married even after their 30's where made to pay heavy dowry , so that they can find the groom very fast and get settled. This is  found most common because parents of such girls, may think their own daughter as a burden after a particular period.

In simple terms I can say that women pay and buy their groom, which they doesn't need. They all need their own rights and freedom to chose their own husband, in terms of understanding and respect., not bargaining and getting married in the form of money.

Nevertheless, it is time such mind set should be changed. Change should come from women who needs t o self advocate for themselves and make their parents understand first, which in turn can  slowly change the society.

The advocators of dowry method may come up with a range of irrational reason to hold up the method but the truth remains that it does additional destruction than good to the general public as a whole.

 

Comments 7

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Jill Langhus
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

Hi Tiffany,

How are you doing, dear? I totally agree with you. So, making the dowry practice illegal isn't helping at all? I see this as re-education process for parents, because isn't it the parents that are driving this need and acceptance of having a dowry system in place? I agree it's very destructive for everyone involved, and, yes, I think both families should be contributing toward their new lives together, and how a woman looks should have no bearing on her "eligibility" of being a suitable partner, either, but that's a whole other topic:-(

Hope you're doing well, and having a great day!

Tiffany Brar
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

hi jil,
it is still practiced in our county because most of the parents think that giving/getting dowry is a prestigious thing..but it is not so.. it is affecting the life of the bridal after getting married ..
in a simple way i can tell the girls are sold in the name of dowry..
have a happy week ahead

Jill Langhus
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

Hello dear:-)

Yeah, that's messed up:-) Yeah, like they're property:-( I can see that, and what you're saying.

Thank you! You, too!

Lisbeth
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

Dear Tiffany,
Yes we got this dowry in Africa too. However here is rather the opposite as at your place :-).

In Ghana the groom have to pau dowry to the Bride's family. I think the logic behind it is a thank you present for the Bride's parents especially the mother for grooming a wife for them.
Good to hear how its done at your end.
Have a great day.

Tiffany Brar
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018

hi lis sal,
where ever dowry system is followed it has its negative consequences.
in India so many young women before/after the marriage struggle in their life because of dowry.

Olutosin
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018

I hate both the dowry and bride price. I pray this devilish cultural practices should just stop.

Tiffany Brar
Dec 22, 2018
Dec 22, 2018

me too olutosin