Street harassment face by my friend

Tiffany Brar
Posted June 5, 2019 from India

Dear world pulse sisters,

I had a phone chat with one of my friend yesterday. She shared her problem of how street harassment affected her in adolescent stage which I would like to share with you all.

“12 years before, when she was in first year of higher education, she used to walk from home to college. A gang of boys followed and teased her. She didn’t report her parents because she got scared that her college studies will be affected. This continued almost for almost a month and one day a boy form the gang came near to her and tried to pull her hair and run off. She screamed out of fear where a lady came for her rescue and warned all the boys in the gang verbally.

The next day as usual she used the same way believing that the boy’s gang will not disturb her but, things got worst. The same boys gang followed her again and another boy from the gang came near to her and sprayed ink all over her body and ran away, as they want to revenge for the before day incident.

This incident completely made her to scared and finally she reported to her parents. The solution offered is her dad or brother will accompany her till college to avoid such situation and finally she completed her studies.

She questioned me saying “Tiffany is that the right solution offered to her? She felt that how long her dad or brother can accompany her. How long she has to be quiet, offended, feeling nervous and run away from that boy’s gang. Her parents advised her to be safe instead of taking actions against those street boys. Her parents insisted her to be careful rather than giving her full self confidence and how to face the situation boldly. She was blamed as a victim and got depressed because of this situation”.

 

As women I feel like “always women are accused for not being psychic or to be aware of the sexual predators around us. Usually parents tell girls saying that “Don’t talk to strangers, be careful when you talk to a boy, you are responsible for your safety” and so on................. This lesson is inserted into the minds of young girls by the elders.

Is the same thing taught to all young boys and men in the world? NO.

During road harassment a girl shies away from the situation to guard her uniqueness and self-esteem form the society. Usually girls are blamed in the name of culture and tradition, where people uses the play game saying, daughter/sister/wife, you have to be careful and correct where she didn’t even commit a mistake.

Girls experience harassment on the roads in many ways. Constantly keep in mind that individuals who do such things on the road believe that girls and women are mentally weak and so, they can move ahead with it. When we are quiet it will boost the opposite gang.

“Raising our own voice and to be stronger as a girl/women is the biggest weapon we have against street harassment”

 

Comments 8

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Jill Langhus
Jun 05
Jun 05

Hi Tiffany,

How are you doing, dear? I quite agree. Boys should be learning/socialized that it's inappropriate behavior to teasing/disrespecting girls and then your friend, and other girls wouldn't need to feel unsafe walking somewhere. It should be a human right, if you ask me, to be respected, and to be able to walk anywhere you like for that matter, in an ideal world.

Thanks for sharing your story. Hope you're well and having a great day!

Tiffany Brar
Jun 21
Jun 21

hey jil
hope you are doing good.
I agree with your words saying an ideal world should be created/modified for the full safe and respect of girls.
hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Jill Langhus
Jun 21
Jun 21

Hey there,

Yes, thank you:) How are you doing?

You, too, dear:-)

XX

Hello, Tiffany,

Thank you for bring your friend’s story here. She is very brave to continue to walk on the same street after incidents of disrespect from a gang. This resonates with me because when I was 10, while walking back home, a man followed me until he touched my buttocks and breast. I was so fearful of possible rape that I screamed with all my might, which startled him and he ran away. Since then, didn’t want to be out of the streets late at night. That one incident alone took years for me to talk about it without feeling dirty or ashamed. That’s why I admire your friend’s bravery.

I’m sorry that her father didn’t see it as a grave threat. It seems her fear and anxiety has been invalidated. It is NOt her fault. She didn’t choose to be a victim. That gang needs to be in jail!

Why does the she need to be one to adjust to the situation (like being accompanied by her brother)? The root of the problem is not her walking to the streets, but the stupid behavior of those boys. It’s those boys who need to change their ways.

I hope your friend healing. Thank you for listening to her. You are a great friend.

Tiffany Brar
Jun 10
Jun 10

dear karen,
thanks for sharing your ideas too.
knowing that you faced the harassment at the age of 10, i realize how hard it is at that stage.
fear and anxiety are the biggest problems that we women are facing at the time of any kind of harassment.
Have a great days ahead.

Hello, Tiffany. You're welcome. This kind of issue needs to be discussed and taken action, too. I agree with you. Hope you have a great day!

Lisbeth
Jun 05
Jun 05

Dear Tiffany,
Its so sad! Why the boys do not have work to do or what? So they are always sitting and waiting for a girl to passed by so they disturb her? Like seriously! What a 21st century we lived in puha!
I think the parents are speaking from experience. I think she should listened to her parents, then monitor the boys and see for few days maybe the fear of her parents will make them back off.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you are doing very well?
Take care

Tiffany Brar
Jun 10
Jun 10

hey lis,
street harassment is found in all places and women hesitate to speak out and advocate on the basis of culture and social dignity. The same come with the parents side too.
thanks for sharing your ideas.