HOME IS NO LONGER HOME

In life, you can never know how a situation actually feels until you are in that situation. You can only imagine how others in that situation feel. It is often said, only he that wears the shoe feels where it pains. I never really understood this until now.
It has been two years now since the English section of my country Cameroon is in crises. I knew of so many families and friends who were internally displaced and seeking refuge in other places. When it was time to do donations to support such families, I gave all I could to help. I never knew one day I will also be internally displaced. For the past six months, my family and I have been in and out of our home because of the fighting. As days went by, things got worse. I hoped and prayed the tension got over before it reached us, still, nothing changed. Every minute was a different story. 
Things got worse to the extent that in September; we finally had to leave our home too to seek refuge at “safer” areas. 
I’m writing this piece with ceaseless tears running down my eyes, because I now feel what others felt. I never could have imagined myself in such a situation. If I ever was told home will one day be so uncomfortable to the extent that I dread calling it “home” I would never have believed.
In the past, when the challenges of the world seemed to weigh me down and the pressure too high, I would just smile because I knew I had that one place where I could find solace… MY HOME.
When home is no longer home, where on earth can you find the peace you desire? Where will you run to when the world seems to reject you?
When home is no longer home, where will the little ones who are supposed to be tomorrow’s future learn the little values of culture and society?
When home is no longer home, where else will you feel secured and safe?
When home is no longer home, where do you run to in times of danger?
My home has been destroyed; the homes of the lovely people of my community have been destroyed. We all have run away because the place which we felt secured has become a nightmare. 
Every day and night I cry ceaselessly, praying for the day to come when I will call the house a home once again. Only if I live to that day without my home burnt down completely.
Why can we not drop the weapons and end the war? Is blood shade the way forward?
Do we not value human life anymore? Is that how humanity has lost its value? Is it true that in the world today we love things and use people?
Children have been forced to pick up weapons, children are delivered in the forests and do not even know the place called home; the ones born today already know what it means to kill, children do not feel safe anymore. People feel “safe” leaving with animals in the forest, rather than leaving in the confines of the walls a building. 
Home doesn’t bring warmth to the heart anymore. When I think of the house I get scared because going back there, I may not leave to see the light of day. I even stand the risk of losing home completely in future. 
Where I run to now when home is no longer safe?