My Bodily Amusements and War

The human body is created beautifully. It is the only being that has both structure and capacity; to understand and bring about change. It differs from other living beings because it has the capacity to think, talk and put into actions its imagination to an extent of possibility. It gives us joy and pain at times. I sometimes get frustrated with my own body, when it aches to the point where I might have to run to a nearby hospital to get an injection to calm those hormones, which gives me thrills. It aches and it aches damn badly.

Just then, my mind flows into the waves of series of thoughts. My mind dwells to think about the creator of the Human Body. Well, people say an almighty created it. Some believe he/she exists, some do not. In my case, I do believe he/she exists. Be it God, Jesus or, Allah, I believe there is some driving force that guides us. Again, this does not mean that I am an orthodox bounded by strict rules of what our religion says. I am like an open book that always welcomes edition to accept changes which are needed and does better to another being. See! Our minds guided with certain norms and this part of the body i.e. brain is what makes me feel awe.

Just thinking of how our body is structured takes me to a world I never imagined existed. First, the skeletons made up of 206 bones, and then there are veins, arteries, and muscles, skin, nerves, cells, organs and more. I think how can someone with his/her power bind all these together and put in a body of a person. A small creature is human body when it is in the womb. And, a female has 10 million eggs within her body when she is born. It is a body of roughly 4 kgs to max. and it contains millions of eggs? Our kidney is of 8-12 cm in length and it contains million of nephrons in it. Million, is not it a big number? It takes us time to count million and human body is filled with many millions of small small structure. In short, it is the richest of all.

I know how, baby develops from a zygote to human but the process itself makes me dwell, how is it even possible. The process of how one conceives deceits me. I always think how was this made possible when life began? Well, I am really fond of heart and brain. I love the way our heart performs its work. The way it regulates its heart beat to the way it pumps blood in and out. But, I love master of organs, the brain, the most. There is a part called cerebrum and that keeps our memories alive. This part gives me zeal. To be honest, I am always amazed by human body.

I have a war going on with the pituitary gland and its hormone; THE THYROID STIMULATING HORMONE (TSH) particularly. I blame it for so many little grievances it gives me. I got hypothyroidism almost 6 years back. It did not secrete enough hormones for me to grow my height enough. It kept me short, shorter not to be tall enough to be 5 feet too. Shorter enough to be hanging my legs when I sit on the chair of my classroom or take a sit in buses and giving pain in my knees at the end of each working day. Shorter enough to climb in two tools arranged one after the other to change bulb of my room. Shorter enough, making me ask help from a taller person, for I could not and will not reach out in many places, to perform my works; for there are places where two storey chairs is not enough for me to perform my task.

This very hormone controls my weight. Despite the fact, I exercise; it is difficult for me to lose weight. I hear people call me BUFFALO and say you are growing fat as a BUFFALO. People say I am Dalli (Nepali word to denote short and round). I hear people say often, you are beautiful but your height betrayed you. But, what do they really know to make such comments on me. They have no idea about my war with TSH.

I am a sensitive person and am allergic to cold. My bone marrow hurts so badly at times and it squeezes within the bone. I get flu soon because of dust and just an unbalance of food. I do not get to enjoy typical Nepali foods like Tamako jhol. I do not get to enjoy Ice-Cream. I yearn to wear clothes like long gowns. My menstrual cramps are worst, thyroidism makes it worst. Trust me, if menstruation was not for the creation of the beautiful you (baby) in future, I dream of taking my uterus off my body. Those cramps fracture me into pieces.

But, there is a big “but” in everything. There are two sides of every single thing. I am not abnormally short as few other people are. I get my clothes in normal shops. I can ride a scooter despite my height. And I have known people who are inspired by me to ride too. I hear people encourage their wives to ride scooter showing me during long traffic jams of Nepal. I might be allergic to so many things but I am happy to know precautions to control them. I am happy to accept them and let go ice cream or tamakojhol (Nepali dish). I love my body and do not want it to suffer more pains because of these little wishes of having ice- cream or some dish. I am ready to LET GO of minor desires.

I have an amazing soul that motivates me and kept telling me the pros of being small and its advantages. And there are friends who talk about body positivity and media misrepresentation who inspires me further. I am strong enough to perform some heavy works too. I am brave to use menstrual cup amidst those menstrual cramps. I am so comfortable with it and believe it to be the best for my menstrual hygiene. I feel it reduces my pain because of cleanliness that it offers around my pubic hair. I take a pill each morning to assure my day to go well. I love all the attributes my body gives me.

I am fortunate because I am fit psycholigically, physically,emotionally, spiritually... I can enjoy freedom of functioning as a whole and complete human being. I am at war with TSH but, this war is no bigger than war people are fighting because of mishaps. Some by birth and some by life process.

I am good in every state and art of being an able body. I can proudly give sessions and inspire others. I can use my strong tool..voice to reach out to people. I am travelling through passage of positivity. I no longer feel ashamed to ask help to a taller person. Instead, I take this as an opportunity to communicate and develop fruitful relationship. I am on the path to accept and nurture the way my body is.And comments that people make on me, matters no long. I have trained myself not to take such comments because I well know 'what others think about me is none of mine business'.

I am amazed by the capacity of my brain to endure pain when it comes to helping others. For I have witnessed times when my body forgot its pain to help others. Lastly, the way our brain especially hormones control our body amuses me.

I love this beautiful body and number of other beautiful bodies around me.